Is it ok to ask?

[notmywill]

Hey everyone...I was hoping I could get some advice.

My bf and I have been dating for about a year and a half. We were planning on getting engaged this summer, but about a month ago he confessed that he didn't feel that he was ready for marriage. Well, I was upset...but we got to the bottom of it and found out that the reason why he didn't feel confident was because his relationship with God was not where it should be. He hadn't been praying about our relationship, and was not leaning on God for strength and encouragement.

Since then, he has really been working on his relationship with God and said that what he was feeling before is gone. He feels confident now because he has learned to trust God.

I dont want to pressure him or scare him in any way...but I REALLY need to know if he still sees us getting engaged this summer...or even this year. I just need to know because it is so frustrating not knowing.

I always ask him how it is going with his relationship with God and try to encourage him in that way. Do you think it is ok to ask when he thinks we will get engaged?

Also...if he is still thinking this summer....I really don't think he has talked to my dad yet. I think he should do it soon though...Is it ok to ask if he has talked to him yet? Or when he was planning on doing it?

Ah...I don't want to ask too many questions...I want this to be done on God's time...but I just need to know where he is at. I know I am ready, and I feel 100% confident and calm about it when I ask God...

Any advice would be awesome, Thanks everyone.

God Bless.

 

[Beautiful Fireball]

By asking so many questions you are going to come across as nagging. Does your bf already know that it is important to you that he ask your father before getting engaged? If he does know that then don't bring it up.

I would ask him where he sees things headed while still remaining encouraging. Don't force him into giving you a set date or anything like that. If he is not ready for engagement the last thing you want to do is push him towards that. You don't want to force the guy into marrying you.

Honestly, I don't think that in just one month he would be ready for engagement and marriage, but that is just my opinion.

 

[emilina22]

ask but dont be pushy about it you know? sometimes when i ask my guy a million time about when were getting engaged...or why arent we engaged...or are we ever going to have that time too...it gets him mad...

im sure your guy loves you and wants to be with you but he probably wants to be sure he is in the right place with God before that can happen becasue its a big step...

im sure itll all be ok...

 

[notmywill]

Thats exactly what I am saying...I don't want to come off too pushy and seem like I am nagging. I am not being impatient or anything...and I don't want a specific date thats for sure! All I want to know is where he is at I guess....so that I am not completely in the dark wondering if we will get engaged next month or next year!

I know it seems like a short period of time to be ready in a month from what I wrote...But he was ready before that. We had been doing pre-engagement counseling and reading books etc...and we felt 100% confident, and we were both strong in our relationships with God. It was just about a month though where he went through a bit of a rough patch and got worried I guess. However, after realising what the problem was, he spent a lot of time praying etc and said that he feels the way we did before. He just needed to depend more on God, and less on his own mind for decisions.

As for the thing with my dad...He knows that he has to ask him. He asked him for his permission to date me! So maybe I won't bring that up...

 

[Beautiful Fireball]

Thats exactly what I am saying...I don't want to come off too pushy and seem like I am nagging. I am not being impatient or anything...and I don't want a specific date thats for sure! All I want to know is where he is at I guess....so that I am not completely in the dark wondering if we will get engaged next month or next year!

I know it seems like a short period of time to be ready in a month from what I wrote...But he was ready before that. We had been doing pre-engagement counseling and reading books etc...and we felt 100% confident, and we were both strong in our relationships with God. It was just about a month though where he went through a bit of a rough patch and got worried I guess. However, after realising what the problem was, he spent a lot of time praying etc and said that he feels the way we did before. He just needed to depend more on God, and less on his own mind for decisions.

As for the thing with my dad...He knows that he has to ask him. He asked him for his permission to date me! So maybe I won't bring that up...

Ok thats good. Then yeah, don't mention the dad thing. If he asked permission to date its pretty safe to say he will ask permission to marry you, lol. I would just bring it by asking how he is feeling about where things are headed and if he feels differently or something like that. But don't say "so when can I expect you to propose?" That might just scare him.

 

[emilina22]

yea theres nothing wrong with asking when he thinks things may happen...lol im always asking...a month is soon but its all up too him and when hes ready... but yea dont be afriad to ask...

 

[Monaleezza]

What's the point in being in a relationship if you can't communicate! Of course you should ask! But don't nag! And if he says, he doesn't have the answer for you right now, don't ask again the following day and the day after!
But he's your boyfriend, you're entitled to ask. It's both his future and YOURS!!

 

[soccergal48]

You totally have every right to ask him. I understand how you must feel. I found myself in a very similar position awhile back and it just felt like the rug was pulled out from beneath my feet. I was really almost devastated before I talked with my SO, but once I talked with him about it, I felt soooooo much better! I was so afraid to bring it up because I was afraid that he would just walk away from our relationship, but in the end, things worked out after I brought the issue up. Hang in there, girl!!!

 

[hiddentears37]

personally i think it's ok if you ask him if he still wants to get married or engaged to you at all, but as far as when, i think that's almost better left up to him. because if you ask him about this summer that might be too much pressure on him. and about asking your dad, i think the only thing that you should really do is just make sure he knows that it's important to you that your dad is asked. but i really don't think you need to know if he already asked him, or when he's going to ask him. it's a whole lot more romantic and special if you dont' know when he will pop the question...

 

[DeathMagus]

Hey everyone...I was hoping I could get some advice.

My bf and I have been dating for about a year and a half. We were planning on getting engaged this summer, but about a month ago he confessed that he didn't feel that he was ready for marriage. Well, I was upset...but we got to the bottom of it and found out that the reason why he didn't feel confident was because his relationship with God was not where it should be. He hadn't been praying about our relationship, and was not leaning on God for strength and encouragement.

Since then, he has really been working on his relationship with God and said that what he was feeling before is gone. He feels confident now because he has learned to trust God.

Since the issue causing his hesitation has evidently been dealt with, I'd say all systems are go. Go ahead and talk to him about it!

I dont want to pressure him or scare him in any way...but I REALLY need to know if he still sees us getting engaged this summer...or even this year. I just need to know because it is so frustrating not knowing.

I'm sure he knows that it's frustrating for you not to know. Perhaps if you ask more from a standpoint of concern for how he's dealing with his previous issue, and less from a standpoint of "I need to know! Now! Choose!" - you might come off as less annoying, and he'll likely open up to you.

I always ask him how it is going with his relationship with God and try to encourage him in that way. Do you think it is ok to ask when he thinks we will get engaged?

This depends on how he reacts when you ask about the God relationship. If he's at ease with it, and answering the question isn't a stressful ordeal, it's probably safe to bet that he's up for a question like "Do you think we'll get engaged?" If his reaction is flustered, worried, uncertain, or something of that nature, then he hasn't worked through the problem yet, and asking about engagement will just add one more stressful thing to worry about.

Also...if he is still thinking this summer....I really don't think he has talked to my dad yet. I think he should do it soon though...Is it ok to ask if he has talked to him yet? Or when he was planning on doing it?

Why should he talk to your dad about it?

Ah...I don't want to ask too many questions...I want this to be done on God's time...but I just need to know where he is at. I know I am ready, and I feel 100% confident and calm about it when I ask God...

It's good that you're comfortable with this guy, and I'm glad for you.

Any advice would be awesome, Thanks everyone.

Quite welcome. Good luck!

 

[notmywill]

Thanks so much for the advise You guys are AWESOME.

I talked to him...and things are going soooo good right now. He said that we will get engaged, he is just waiting for the right time.

I just have to be patient I guess!!

Thanks again you guys,
God Bless

 

[blueguy]

I just think you should ask a lot of questions and be up front about it!!!