Is it me?

[thenewageriseth]

Hi. I've been going through my mind to come up with a number of possibilities on why most of the folks I have met in my hometown turn out to be funny or "sometimey" fair-weathered folks or friends who seem to come and go. Now this ain't counting people I met at the Princess Pageant last month, but I mean most folks in Chicago (excluding those who don't have my number currently, who, in turn could get my number....)

The possibilties range from:

• Am I one who turns others away?
• Is it negative vibes and perceptions about how others think of me?
• Am I destined to be a sort of loner?
• Maybe it's all in my head?
• Are my expectations high?
• Past Karma, even?

I dunno. Any thoughts?
*For example, the only people who has invited me to a party is Tiffany (and I tried to get in touch with her again, to no avail...)and my mom this summer, so far is a woman named Sister Anita, who is my cousin's good friend of 10 years , and my cousin was the one who came up with the Pageant...
and a girl who I assumed was a best friend, left me hanging, cuz she said she was gonna be in town for the 4th, but the last time I heard from her was in JUNE, from the phone and an e-mail that stated that she would be in town!
And long ago I thought I had another best friend...she vanished...never heard from her again, let alone the school she used to go to: TCS, with da rest of us....

I don't get it...

 

[madison1101]

I do not sit around waiting for people to invite me to participate in things. I invite people to do things with me. I also do a lot of volunteer work, and ministry work wtih people who are a lot worse off than I am.

Instead of feeling sorry for yourself for your lack of friends, get out and volunteer at a homeless shelter or a place where addicts or the mentally ill go for help. They have it a lot worse than you do, and can use a friend themselves.

 

[thenewageriseth]

I do not sit around waiting for people to invite me to participate in things. I invite people to do things with me. I also do a lot of volunteer work, and ministry work wtih people who are a lot worse off than I am.

Instead of feeling sorry for yourself for your lack of friends, get out and volunteer at a homeless shelter or a place where addicts or the mentally ill go for help. They have it a lot worse than you do, and can use a friend themselves.

True, but my mom always said that I shouldn't kiss other people's butts or brown nose, so to speak.
I thought about volunteering before. But then again, I have a mindset that says that summer should be for fun. I also wanted to get a job this summer, but that didn't develop...

 

[madison1101]

Ministering to the poor is not "kissing other people's butts" it is following Christ's command. If you are not working this summer, then you are being idle and scripture has a lot to say about being idle.

Yes, summer should be for fun, but how is volunteering a few hours a week at a homeless shelter going to cramp your fun?

I will be honest, you sound a little selfish.

 

[Kristen.NewCreation]

I think that friendships are a two way street. I read your post a couple times and it sounds like your expectation of your friends is that they should be calling you.

I've noticed in my life that when I don't make contact with my friends on a regular basis, they don't make contact with me on a regular basis. It works the other way around too. They will try for a while to stay in contact, but if I don't respond or show interest they will give up. My best friends make an effort to talk to me and spend time with me and me with them.

It's the give and take in relationships that make them stand out, and I tend to feel better about me when I'm doing more giving than taking.

I would agree with the initial feedback you received as well... some of the best relationships I have had were initiated out of giving my time and energy to help others. I have had a blast planning and hosting "babysitting" events for parents at church, and spending the evening with other single, retired and youth people, as we have given parents a night off to spend time together without their children. I've also spent the last 3 years doing a one day camp for children that involved teaching them about Jesus, ministry and then having fun swimming and playing games.

After re-reading your posts, are you really having a lot of fun this summer? If your identified friends aren't available for you, what are your other options? Some other questions that come to mind are.. what makes a good friend? What qualities do you want in a friend?

I don't know if this provides any thoughts for you, but it's my thoughts based on issues of friends and loneliness in my life at times.

In Him,
Kristen

 

[thenewageriseth]

Ministering to the poor is not "kissing other people's butts" it is following Christ's command. If you are not working this summer, then you are being idle and scripture has a lot to say about being idle.

Yes, summer should be for fun, but how is volunteering a few hours a week at a homeless shelter going to cramp your fun?

I will be honest, you sound a little selfish.

No, I didn't mean ministering to the poor was "kissing one's butt". And I'm not one to be a minister or a missionary to anyone, because I struggle a lot with my beliefs...
I only meant kissing up in reference to showing someone interest when that interest is unrequited.
And I'm not being selfish, I am not sure if I could volunteer at all because there are too many irons in the fire.

 

[thenewageriseth]

I think that friendships are a two way street. I read your post a couple times and it sounds like your expectation of your friends is that they should be calling you.

I've noticed in my life that when I don't make contact with my friends on a regular basis, they don't make contact with me on a regular basis. It works the other way around too. They will try for a while to stay in contact, but if I don't respond or show interest they will give up. My best friends make an effort to talk to me and spend time with me and me with them.

Well, I have tried to keep in touch with most people, like a friend in the past, in 8th grade. It's like this: I was taught that when I call a certain person a lot, and they never call me (such has been the case with cousins in the past) then I don't call them , otherwise I'm "kissing tail". So I always went by that standard. But sometimes I wonder what they are doing or try to reconcile only to think back on what they said about kissing butt or them reminding me about it, so I don't, usually. I don't want to feel like I'm a brown noser, but I do wonder if they feel the way I feel about them. Then a lot of times, I don't leave a message and I assume that they just recognize my number...(I'm bad at not leaving messages)...most do recognize my number but I suppose are too busy to even remember I even called, without leaving a message. With that said, I'm going to start leaving messages more and see if anything changes...

It's the give and take in relationships that make them stand out, and I tend to feel better about me when I'm doing more giving than taking.

Well, I don't mind giving myself.

I would agree with the initial feedback you received as well... some of the best relationships I have had were initiated out of giving my time and energy to help others. I have had a blast planning and hosting "babysitting" events for parents at church, and spending the evening with other single, retired and youth people, as we have given parents a night off to spend time together without their children. I've also spent the last 3 years doing a one day camp for children that involved teaching them about Jesus, ministry and then having fun swimming and playing games.

I suppose. I guess I never thought about it like that. I'm usually helpful and I do want to help more but...

After re-reading your posts, are you really having a lot of fun this summer? If your identified friends aren't available for you, what are your other options? Some other questions that come to mind are.. what makes a good friend? What qualities do you want in a friend?

No. My summer sucks so far. I'm waiting for a change, but while I wait I'm trying to do something about my situation, but again, there are irons in the fire like I said in the previous post:

• I have no car-I have to either walk or go with someone to accomplish a certain task (i.e., go to the store, etc), because my mother worries too much about my safety...
• And I don't know if I have anymore options. If I had a car, I'd go on by my dern self....

I don't know if this provides any thoughts for you, but it's my thoughts based on issues of friends and loneliness in my life at times.

In Him,
Kristen

Thank you.

 

[thenewageriseth]

And I have to add that there is a saying that goes like this: "To have friends you have to be a friend", and that's all I do-I mean, I try my best to be a friend. I'm usually very loyal. (My mom even said I'm too loyal). Now if it's a case of unrequited interest at heart then I drop outta sight, kinda like I did when my so-called 8th grade best friend decided to leave me "hanging", if u will.

 

[Netbug009]

It seems like the others have gotten to saying all the good advice, but I just want to add THERE IS NO SUCK THING AS KARMA. At least, not in the worldly sense of the word. The closest thing to Karma is god. If you have fait in him God's not gonna push you down/give you bad luck. So I just wanna say that it's not bad karma that's the problem/

God bless.

 

[thenewageriseth]

It seems like the others have gotten to saying all the good advice, but I just want to add THERE IS NO SUCK THING AS KARMA. At least, not in the worldly sense of the word. The closest thing to Karma is god. If you have fait in him God's not gonna push you down/give you bad luck. So I just wanna say that it's not bad karma that's the problem/

God bless.

Maybe not, cuz for one thing, I try to be as loyal and friendly and very concerned about their well being and have their best interest-as I can to others. Not a very mean person, but I can have a bad temper.
One thing might be that I may carry a negative vibe around me, even when I'm smiling, because of anxious and nervous energies, me thinks.
I say that to say, that it may not be karma at all whether or not it exists, but I pretty much believe that what goes around, comes around (Karma), as the saying goes and I don't trust God enough, also related to my anxiety and I don't trust him because the negative conditions of Planet Earth and sometimes, this life, say otherwise....

 

[1Newcreation]

Lot's of advice given here.

It seems that you are a little unforgiving of past friends who have come and gone, and 'left you hanging'. It is time just to let these past times go and not hold grudges against those who you considered have wronged you.

People do come and go in and out of our lives, some friendships are only for a season. It's ok. There is no rule that once we have made a friend then it's for life. Also, being a friend to someone must be genuine from our heart, people can sense if we are not being sincere. I have never considered phoning someone as 'kissing up to someone', you either want to talk and be a friend or not, it is not meant to be an obligation.

I ask do you know Jesus Christ? Have you made Him Lord of your life? because this is one relationship we all need, not only for our eternal salvation but so He can live in us and direct our lives while we are here on earth. God created us so we can serve and glorify Him. The Lord Jesus will bring friends into our lives, and He will show us how to live a more fruitful and meaningful life.

If want to know more, just ask.

1newcreation

 

[thenewageriseth]

Lot's of advice given here.

It seems that you are a little unforgiving of past friends who have come and gone, and 'left you hanging'. It is time just to let these past times go and not hold grudges against those who you considered have wronged you.

Yeah, I thought I had gotten over most of it.

People do come and go in and out of our lives, some friendships are only for a season. It's ok. There is no rule that once we have made a friend then it's for life. Also, being a friend to someone must be genuine from our heart, people can sense if we are not being sincere. I have never considered phoning someone as 'kissing up to someone', you either want to talk and be a friend or not, it is not meant to be an obligation.

Well, my mom says it's kissing up only if that person never returns your e-mails, calls, etc...

I ask do you know Jesus Christ? Have you made Him Lord of your life? because this is one relationship we all need, not only for our eternal salvation but so He can live in us and direct our lives while we are here on earth. God created us so we can serve and glorify Him. The Lord Jesus will bring friends into our lives, and He will show us how to live a more fruitful and meaningful life.

If want to know more, just ask.

1newcreation

Actually no, I have not made him Lord, per se, but I do believe in a "God", a force of this universe. Also, I have been prayed for, over and under and still find my beliefs shaky.
Also, I don't believe Jesus is God, just the Son of God.

 

[1Newcreation]

Actually no, I have not made him Lord, per se, but I do believe in a "God", a force of this universe. Also, I have been prayed for, over and under and still find my beliefs shaky.
Also, I don't believe Jesus is God, just the Son of God.

Your family loves you very much and are concerned for your soul, as I am too. I just want you to know that it is the love of Christ that I extend to you now to urge you to consider your final destination, where do you think you would go after leaving this earth?

Proverbs 27:1 "do not boast about tomorrow, for you do not know what a day may bring forth"

Time is running out and we cannot be guaranteed another day.

And we all need to be saved by Jesus so we can go to heaven.
Jesus said "I tell you the truth, no one can see the Kingdom of God unless He is born again"
John 3:3

Just know that God loves you very much, that He sent His only begotten son, Jesus to die for you and me and everyone. John 3:16.

You are right Jesus is the son of God, and right now He sits at the right hand of the Father. Remember Jesus was God in the flesh sent to earth, Jesus always gave Glory to the Father, and He says in the book of John, 'who has seen me, has seen the Father', so though there is a seperateness, there is a oneness aswell.

I understand you may have struggles and questions, so there is a website www.gotquestions.org, it is very informative and offers answers to many frequently asked questions about the bible, God, and Jesus.

I think you are a lovely young lady, and really hope you come to know the Lord. God has plans to give you hope and a future for you, one not to harm you. Jeremiah 29:11. I will pray for you too.

God bless you
1newcreation

 

[thenewageriseth]

Your family loves you very much and are concerned for your soul, as I am too. I just want you to know that it is the love of Christ that I extend to you now to urge you to consider your final destination, where do you think you would go after leaving this earth?

Proverbs 27:1 "do not boast about tomorrow, for you do not know what a day may bring forth"

Time is running out and we cannot be guaranteed another day.

And we all need to be saved by Jesus so we can go to heaven.
Jesus said "I tell you the truth, no one can see the Kingdom of God unless He is born again"
John 3:3

Just know that God loves you very much, that He sent His only begotten son, Jesus to die for you and me and everyone. John 3:16.

You are right Jesus is the son of God, and right now He sits at the right hand of the Father. Remember Jesus was God in the flesh sent to earth, Jesus always gave Glory to the Father, and He says in the book of John, 'who has seen me, has seen the Father', so though there is a seperateness, there is a oneness aswell.

I understand you may have struggles and questions, so there is a website www.gotquestions.org, it is very informative and offers answers to many frequently asked questions about the bible, God, and Jesus.

I think you are a lovely young lady, and really hope you come to know the Lord. God has plans to give you hope and a future for you, one not to harm you. Jeremiah 29:11. I will pray for you too.

God bless you
1newcreation

Hi! Thank you for the website suggestion and your words of wisdom.
I probably would end up going to hell (if there is one)
I have'nt quite abandoned Christianity yet, it's just right now I'm taking a break, if you will, a break just to do my own thing.

 

[Onlythingavailable]

I would be very careful about "leaving for a time", because you never know when your time is up!

Matthew 24:42-44:
42Watch therefore: for ye know not what hour your Lord doth come.
43But know this, that if the goodman of the house had known in what watch the thief would come, he would have watched, and would not have suffered his house to be broken up.
44Therefore be ye also ready: for in such an hour as ye think not the Son of man cometh.

 

[TrinityLives]

I just had to add my sense.

Don't listen to your mother , friends, cousins or even what I have to say on that matter.
Ask yourself what would Christ have you do? How would Christ have you act?
Would Christ have cared if others perceived him as kissing behind???
Sometimes it is frustrating being the one to make all the moves in a relationship, but the Lord would have us being kind to one another.

For me, in the past, I have been AWFUL about calling, I have had to train myself to do actually, BUT I have a sister in Christ that I have known since I was 15 and she has NEVER EVER not called. She kept our friendship alive and I feel so extremely blessed for that!
Had she not done that for me I would have lost the best person in my life that I could fully trust. She helped me come to Christ, she is there when I REAAAALLY need someone.
YOU could be that person if you put aside what earthly ppl tell you to do . You could be that person if you let go of perceptions
Hope this helps
Hugs and Prayers

 

[TrinityLives]

"I have'nt quite abandoned Christianity yet, it's just right now I'm taking a break, if you will, a break just to do my own thing"


I am so grateful ( and you should take comfort) that the Lord NEVER takes a break from me... Don't stay away too long...... it will hurt

 

[thenewageriseth]

I would be very careful about "leaving for a time", because you never know when your time is up!

Matthew 24:42-44:
42Watch therefore: for ye know not what hour your Lord doth come.
43But know this, that if the goodman of the house had known in what watch the thief would come, he would have watched, and would not have suffered his house to be broken up.
44Therefore be ye also ready: for in such an hour as ye think not the Son of man cometh.

I guess I'm not too interested in church anymore, I think.
I would be interested in searching for God without church being a mandatory thing, otherwise, I dunno....

 

[thenewageriseth]

I just had to add my sense.

Don't listen to your mother , friends, cousins or even what I have to say on that matter.
Ask yourself what would Christ have you do? How would Christ have you act?
Would Christ have cared if others perceived him as kissing behind???
Sometimes it is frustrating being the one to make all the moves in a relationship, but the Lord would have us being kind to one another.

For me, in the past, I have been AWFUL about calling, I have had to train myself to do actually, BUT I have a sister in Christ that I have known since I was 15 and she has NEVER EVER not called. She kept our friendship alive and I feel so extremely blessed for that!
Had she not done that for me I would have lost the best person in my life that I could fully trust. She helped me come to Christ, she is there when I REAAAALLY need someone.
YOU could be that person if you put aside what earthly ppl tell you to do . You could be that person if you let go of perceptions
Hope this helps
Hugs and Prayers

Thank you for that insight. I can try it, and/or think about it, but I hope I never get hurt again to the point of isolation. So u said that you always called and the other person never called? How did you keep the friendship going?

 

[Onlythingavailable]

I guess I'm not too interested in church anymore, I think.
I would be interested in searching for God without church being a mandatory thing, otherwise, I dunno....

Don't mix God with people. Fellowship with other believers is to be a source of comfort and strength, if you aren't ready for it then you aren't. That doesn't stop you from seeking God and following Christ. With time, maybe you'll become more interested in fellowship, but nothing stops you from praying, reading the Bible and spending time with God.