Is he the one that God has for me?

[angelreyne]

I'd been praying every night, asking God for my husband and a father for my daughter. A couple of months later,I started seeing a friend Id known for a few months in a different light. He was amazing with my daughter, and a really nice guy, and loves God. But I thought he'd never be interested in me.So night after night i prayed to God take him away if he isnt the one Lord, it hurts too much to have feelings for someone who doesnt have them for me. But it turns out he did. So we started seeing each other, but two months down the track I'm starting to worry that he wasnt the one God had intended for me. I keep asking God but don,t seem to be getting any answers. And the more I worry about it the more I worry about other things like how will he look after us if we get married,etc.He is 4 years younger than me, and is studying full time for the next 2 years.He is academically challenged and doesnt think he will make alot of money because of it. Then he will have to find a job and we will need to figure out how to pay for a wedding etc.I am working and studying,and a mother and I manage, but dont want to struggle for the rest of my life either.Its starting to tire me out because of the worry, and it has put a strain on our relationship too.I have started to wonder wether there is someone out there more suited to me, but so willing to do it all with him If I knew we had Gods blessing.I ask God all of these things but Im struggling with whats God and whats me. Can anyone help?

 

[Gardener101]

Hey,

Sounds like you are thinking too far ahead and letting the worry get to you. And how are you expecting God to reveal the answer to you if this man is the right one or not?

Blessings.

G

 

[CoolMom6]

Hey,

Sounds like you are thinking too far ahead and letting the worry get to you. And how are you expecting God to reveal the answer to you if this man is the right one or not?

Blessings.

G

"Worry" is one of those sins that you start doing regularly when you become a single mom.

 

[eatenbylocusts]

Unfortunately God doesn't usually answer us that way. We need to go about our business being faithful to what is right, praying and studying the Bible. We need to be open to mature, Godly people who can speak up when they see something going amiss. There should be a certain amount of peace with the relationship. Please don't expect bolts of lightening as an answer.

If the guy you're dating is hard-working and has goals that he follows through with then he will probably be ok as a provider. My ex-bf had a terrible time in HS, was dyslexic, and told by teachers and kids that he was dumb. He's one of a few guys in his 40's that I have dated that actually owns his own property. He's frugal and does most of his own home improvements. It's not just about being smart in school. It's more important to have good work ethics.

Are the two of you exclusive? If not then spend time getting to know other people until it becomes clearer. If you're already exclusive then it's going to be up to you. I found by dating other people that my SO was the one that I wanted to be calling me and he was the one I wanted to spend my time with.

 

[overit]

"There should be a certain amount of peace with the relationship. Please don't expect bolts of lightening as an answer."

I agree with this, what type of answer are you expecting to hear from God? Burning brush type? LOL, won't happen. But I found it a very clear indication of God speaking to me when I found myself worrying to much about it, feeling uneasy, feeling "not at peace" as you are right now. I think that in itself is God giving you His insight, if he were the right one, you would feel at peace about it, but you don't. That's your signal.

As for not being a good provider, me personally? That would be an indication to not continue, but I'm biased as I was married to a non-provider, and know that even though everyone says "finances should never be an issue, it's love that matters", I smartly beg to differ and know the importance of financial security. I'm also a single parent, and though I don't pray for a husband or father for my children and am content being a single parent, if I knew I would "struggle" in marriage financially, I rather stay single and struggle

That's just me. If I don't feel strong financial security with somebody, or it's non-comittal, or not seen/happening in the now when you're dating, I don't put my hopes in the future or what will happen, or what they promise it will be later when married. Sorry. Not me. Financial and career security is important to me, it's not the biggest factor by any means but it is DEFINATELY on my top 5 list.

Someone who as an adult is financially stable, secure in his career, who is career oriented (not just works to make enough to scrape by in life and where work doesn't matter). I find for ME (and this by no means what everyone believes or is about) it is a desirable trait for a man to love and find pride in his job, in wanting to advance himself in his career in order to not only provide but find personal satisfaction. Not to confuse w/a workaholic, but someone who is serious about his life, his family AND his career. There IS such a thing as having different financial styles/goals/compatibility, and if you aren't on at least a similar page/goal then it can be disastrous. Have you guys discussed this in passing and not do in depth? There are questions you can ask to get what you need to know. Does he have some savings, does he believe in savings/investing/college savings/retirement savings/401K's/any other type of investing? Is he one to want to own his home or doesn't mind renting for however long, is he generous with you when you guys go out? Does he seem like an equal contributor now or at least aims to be or is just worried about barely getting by. In other words, is it a more financialy responsible type, or more financially bohemian if that makes sense?

Nobody should make you feel guilty for worrying about this, not everything that is important to you and me, is important to all, but you shouldn't toss it aside because others don't agree. If it's important to you, then stick with you gut, and apparently your gut is even giving you reason for pause now, I would listen to that. I listened to my gut about that (financial concerns) amongst many others when I was almost married to someone, there was a constant sense of discomfort, not at peace and worry that something wasn't right, or he wasn't the right one. Since I"m 32 and have lived many relationships, I know how God speaks to me, and that nagging doubt in the back of your head and your gut instinct is typically right on track with God's plan for you There was too much in the air financially, job wise, church wise, home wise, finance wise that I didn't feel comfortable with that at that point in my life, and considering where he was in life (or in my mind where he should be). This doesn't mean they aren't wonderful people, with wonderful qualities, but if this is one of you worries then it's an important issue for you and you shoudln't compromise that, I'm sure there are people more suited for the more "bohemian" financial style that they would be compatible with. It would be miserable for BOTh people if they could not find middle ground as it would put strife in their relationship, it boils down to different styles/goals/priorities/life values, and neither one or the other is "right", it's whats right for each of us individually, does that make sense?

I would move on and keep praying for someone if that is what you really want, but don't settle for anyone/anything that is not what you need/want in a relationship TODAY just because you may think your options are limited as a single mom or you believe in a year, two years or four years things MIGHT be different . It is what it is today. Don't feel guilty if this is how you feel and what is important to you, no matter what he or anybody might tell you (don' even know if anyone does say this to you or if this is even a doubt in your mind but felt to put it out there). Are you wanting to wait 2yrs and commit further in a relationship w/somebody who you don't even know will be able to provide and be on the same page as you with this matter? Why invest heart, emotions, and your daughters feelings and his in HOPES that it might change.

I know some will say, well it could change down the line, he could loose his job, he could have an accident, etc. but that is a silly argument, it's not wrong to have financial security as one of your preferences. If so, we'de criticize everyone for marrying anybody that matches ANY of their criteria, it's important to seek and go for what is important and valuable to us.
If that silly argument were valid, why would anybody choose ANY desired traits/characteristics in somebody else since obviously it could change at any given moment.

In your search, always consider someone of course who feels about Christ as you do, that goes w/out saying obviously.

God bless~~ How old is your daughter again?
I have two boys ages 6-7 who are my life, and I'm happy where God has me, content with single life. I've been div 3yrs now, and b4 my divorce, was pretty much a single parent from day one. It's actually not as bad as many think it is (at least for me it's not), but I keep that a secret else the married moms sympathy might turn to envy lol j/k

 

[joyouspirit]

I'd been praying every night, asking God for my husband and a father for my daughter. A couple of months later,I started seeing a friend Id known for a few months in a different light. He was amazing with my daughter, and a really nice guy, and loves God. But I thought he'd never be interested in me.So night after night i prayed to God take him away if he isnt the one Lord, it hurts too much to have feelings for someone who doesnt have them for me.

Very similar with me. I do worry sometimes but I do not let it consume me. As much as possible I stay faithful to God more than ever. We have talked about our plans for the future, and we take it one day at a time. And we always say God knows what's best for the two of us.

Now, I know in a way financially he will help me especially with my children. But I have set my mind, that I will work and will not depend solely on him or to anybody for that matter, because I've been there. I totally went crazy when my ex husband left me with all the responsibilities.

Don't worry too much, be happy, happiness is a choice, it does not depend on anybody, on anything. God bless!!!

 

[klynnmiller]

If you are asking God to take it away if it's not right, and He's not, what other sign do you need? I agree, you're not going to get a bolt of lightning or a burning bush, but I've prayed the same thing about my fiance for over a year, (he's a hard worker and a good provider). I figure if we're still together and more in love now than ever, than it must be my sign from God. Only you know how you feel about him, and if there's uneasiness there, or if he's not that man you can clearly see yourself with in 20 years, then it's not right. God answers your prayers, and he gives you clues and signs. He's just not going to write, "Dump him" or "Marry him" on your bathroom mirror one morning. You will know in your heart what you need to do. Good luck with everything and God bless!!!