Hello all,
Brief background:
I visited this forum last spring, to post about my experiences with my parents. Based on my post & replies, it is apparent about the mental/emotional abuse I have endured from them. Especially my mother, who can be very hot and cold.
In this post, I will explain A) my boyfriend's faith, B) my mom's faith, C) my mom's view of my boyfriend, and D) my own concerns of my boyfriend.
Ok, moving on:
A) Currently, I am dating a man I intend on marrying. Spiritually, we have read christian marriage books together, take turns attending each other's churches (his family is baptist, mine is pentecostal), pray out-loud together sometimes, and ask each other about what we are doing in our personal devotional times (he reads his Bible at night before bed, and then sometimes during the day for liesure..although he admits his devotions are more Bible-reading centered and could include more prayer).
He has tremendous goals for his life, and has a specific business he hopes to have one day. When he talks about it, he mentions that he wants to have it have a "christian component", but serve both christians and nonchristians. At times when we talk about God, my boyfriend literally breaks down in (happy) tears. He tells me this is for a number of reasons: his love for God, he loves talking about God, how happy he is that he found a girl who loves God too (he used to deeply worry about this before we met)
B) Now, back to my parents. Actually...just my mom. Despite her issues, I know she is saved and is very devout about it. All day/night long, she has christian speakers and sermons on our TV. Really...ALL DAY LONG lol. She has mulitple shelves of christian books. She sings, raises her hands, and even cries during our church's worship service. In one-on-one "God talks" with her, she rarely prays with me or my siblings (I always have to ask her to, and she either says she feels uncomfortable, but will sometimes oblige) and she has never asked about our personal devotional lives. She will just say things like "how dare you read that secular magazine when we have these christian books!", etc. I am starting to feel guilty if I spend a lazy Sunday (after church) watching Law & Order instead of reading/watching christian stuff for hours on end. Sometimes I do! But not every week.
C) She really likes my boyfriend. She tells me, him, and a lot of other people lol. She has referenced him as my "soul mate" and even once told me "I have no doubt that you guys are meant to be together...if I did, I would say so!".....but then randomly (like a couple days later) she will question his faith. She will talk about how "great" she feels about me & him being together...and then she will ask me if I'm "sure" he is a christian. Why? Because he doesn't raise his hands during church worship (he was raised in a VERY conservative Baptist church with only hymns sung. We attend a Pentecostal church with a live band lol)...and she once asked him "what christian speakers do you listen to?" and when he said none, I could see the look of disappointment in her face.
She has even questioned me if him & I will even attend church when we're married, because he doesn't seem "into church" on account of his lack of raising his hands or clapping or whatever in church.
D) As for me, the only things that "bother me" about him spiritually are: he can get handsy lol during intimate times (we are in our 20s and have been dating for over a couple years). He has been "up my shirt", etc, but then we will talk about how wrong that is, then "be good" for a while, but then find ourselves going that far again. We have never ever been close to having sex and both are very intent on waiting until we're married. (Prior to meeting, we both weren't "living for God as much we should" and both went a "little too far" with members of the opposite sex. We have discussed that these past experiences of "knowing what it's like" contribute to our temptation.)
Also, instead of referring to his faith as "spirituality" and "my relationship with God" (which are terms I grew up hearing), he just says "my religion" and "Christianity" (after typing this, I feel like I'm being too picky. Perhaps I'm just used to the church I grew up in & the terms they use). On a brighter note, I have heard him talk about his faith to a couple atheists in his life, as well as listen to him talk about his personal devotions & desire to use God in some way in his career.
But...what my mom says gets to me. She is a very religious person. But what do you all think?
Brief background:
I visited this forum last spring, to post about my experiences with my parents. Based on my post & replies, it is apparent about the mental/emotional abuse I have endured from them. Especially my mother, who can be very hot and cold.
In this post, I will explain A) my boyfriend's faith, B) my mom's faith, C) my mom's view of my boyfriend, and D) my own concerns of my boyfriend.
Ok, moving on:
A) Currently, I am dating a man I intend on marrying. Spiritually, we have read christian marriage books together, take turns attending each other's churches (his family is baptist, mine is pentecostal), pray out-loud together sometimes, and ask each other about what we are doing in our personal devotional times (he reads his Bible at night before bed, and then sometimes during the day for liesure..although he admits his devotions are more Bible-reading centered and could include more prayer).
He has tremendous goals for his life, and has a specific business he hopes to have one day. When he talks about it, he mentions that he wants to have it have a "christian component", but serve both christians and nonchristians. At times when we talk about God, my boyfriend literally breaks down in (happy) tears. He tells me this is for a number of reasons: his love for God, he loves talking about God, how happy he is that he found a girl who loves God too (he used to deeply worry about this before we met)
B) Now, back to my parents. Actually...just my mom. Despite her issues, I know she is saved and is very devout about it. All day/night long, she has christian speakers and sermons on our TV. Really...ALL DAY LONG lol. She has mulitple shelves of christian books. She sings, raises her hands, and even cries during our church's worship service. In one-on-one "God talks" with her, she rarely prays with me or my siblings (I always have to ask her to, and she either says she feels uncomfortable, but will sometimes oblige) and she has never asked about our personal devotional lives. She will just say things like "how dare you read that secular magazine when we have these christian books!", etc. I am starting to feel guilty if I spend a lazy Sunday (after church) watching Law & Order instead of reading/watching christian stuff for hours on end. Sometimes I do! But not every week.
C) She really likes my boyfriend. She tells me, him, and a lot of other people lol. She has referenced him as my "soul mate" and even once told me "I have no doubt that you guys are meant to be together...if I did, I would say so!".....but then randomly (like a couple days later) she will question his faith. She will talk about how "great" she feels about me & him being together...and then she will ask me if I'm "sure" he is a christian. Why? Because he doesn't raise his hands during church worship (he was raised in a VERY conservative Baptist church with only hymns sung. We attend a Pentecostal church with a live band lol)...and she once asked him "what christian speakers do you listen to?" and when he said none, I could see the look of disappointment in her face.
She has even questioned me if him & I will even attend church when we're married, because he doesn't seem "into church" on account of his lack of raising his hands or clapping or whatever in church.
D) As for me, the only things that "bother me" about him spiritually are: he can get handsy lol during intimate times (we are in our 20s and have been dating for over a couple years). He has been "up my shirt", etc, but then we will talk about how wrong that is, then "be good" for a while, but then find ourselves going that far again. We have never ever been close to having sex and both are very intent on waiting until we're married. (Prior to meeting, we both weren't "living for God as much we should" and both went a "little too far" with members of the opposite sex. We have discussed that these past experiences of "knowing what it's like" contribute to our temptation.)
Also, instead of referring to his faith as "spirituality" and "my relationship with God" (which are terms I grew up hearing), he just says "my religion" and "Christianity" (after typing this, I feel like I'm being too picky. Perhaps I'm just used to the church I grew up in & the terms they use). On a brighter note, I have heard him talk about his faith to a couple atheists in his life, as well as listen to him talk about his personal devotions & desire to use God in some way in his career.
But...what my mom says gets to me. She is a very religious person. But what do you all think?
