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Guest
Brief (well, okay it's not) history of my world:
I met H prior to being saved. I am 9 years older and have children from a prior marriage. He was charming, funny and goofy when we met, and my kids loved him. I didn't drink, and neither did he (turns out it was a dry period, that didn't last). We married far too quickly - only 7 months after meeting. I came to Christ in early 2007. H already professed to being Christian, but didn't attend church, read Bible, etc.
We have been married now less than two years. I'll just give a quick run-through of some of the problems through that short period of time: ongoing pornography use and lying to cover it (got rid of internet, he got dvd's I later found); alcoholism; property damage - he destroyed my computer (burned when I recorded his porn use and confronted him), my living room, kicked in my front door, and numerous other small damages to home I purchased prior to marriage; herpes - he claimed he didn't have sex outside of relationship and dr said it could have been contracted earlier with no symptoms but after the last year of finding lie after lie I just don't know if I believe that; LIES - about drinking, about porn, about whereabouts, about job loss, about money, about past history of infidelity in 1st marriage (all the while downing me because I admitted to mine), about being kicked out of military, about drug use; repeatedly left home over weekends and holidays on binge drunks; enlisted his relative's aid in removing both vehicles from our home (while he was drunk no less) so I would have no vehicle during his sprees; verbally abusive to me; using profanity toward my children; when trying to stay sober would be completely withdrawn and angry; very little sex and when there was it was focused entirely upon his needs; didn't pay bills, my home was nearly foreclosed; repeatedly removed his wedding ring when away from home whenever we were fighting. The list could go on, but I'm making my own eyes glaze over.
On to the present - he lost his job in January, then laid around the house playing video games and didn't even attempt to look for work. I was making enough money only to buy groceries and was consistently (read, daily) telling him I needed help or we were going to lose our home. He still did nothing. I, of course, nagged and complained - I was scared.
At the end of February, he moved out of our home and went to stay with his mother - he couldn't take the arguing he said. The very next week he went to Florida to visit his sister and exchanged email & phone info with a woman down there. He has since been emailing & chatting with her - although he claims to be just friends he has acknowledged that he violated a rule that HE wanted in our marriage, namely that we would have no friends of the opposite sex outside of the marriage (meaning unless they were friends of both of us).
We went to 1 session of marriage counseling, during which he threw his ring at me and stormed out.
He has remained unemployed until just this week (assuming he actually went to his job - I haven't had contact with him since Monday.) On Saturday we signed legal separation papers - I didn't feel I had grounds to file for divorce (not for sure anyway) and I need to protect my children and my property. I handed him $500 in cash from the tax refund. Saturday night he went out drinking and ended up in jail for public intoxication & disorderly conduct. His mother actually came to me on Sunday to ask for money to bail him out! I said no.
We spoke on Monday, and he made a statement that he thought we could work things out. Bear in mind, he has made no changes in his life. He is not seeking treatment, counseling, God, or anything except his own wisdom (which imho is quite limited - look where it's gotten him thus far). He is living his life as a single person - making decisions based only upon himself and for himself. I told him that short of God's intervention this marriage is unsalvageable. He got angry and asked "what do you want from me," (ummm . . . how bout making that fake guy I met turn into a real boy). I stated quite bluntly that there is nothing that I want from him. My children & I were well-off financially & emotionally before we met him and we have been dragged through the wringer. We are working on our relationship with our Lord and on rebuilding our home. Fine, he said, you won't hear from me again. (hang-up)
Pause . . . catching my breath (rest your eyes, the strain must be intense by now)
I guess my question is - have I been left by an unbeliever?
I told my pastor that I had to ask forgiveness from God because I questioned my husband's salvation and I felt like I was judging him. My pastor stated that although we are not to judge others, we are called to be fruit inspectors.
My H states that he believes in Jesus, but there has never been an iota of fruit during the time I've known him. He attended church about 7 times in the past 2 years, never read his Bible, we prayed together only 2 times (another sore point for me) and he lives in constant ongoing sin with no sign of repentance or regret.
Whew - I'm finished. Sorry this is so incredibly long (and hackneyed and boring - if this were a creative writing course I'd get an "F" for originality).
Opinions?
I met H prior to being saved. I am 9 years older and have children from a prior marriage. He was charming, funny and goofy when we met, and my kids loved him. I didn't drink, and neither did he (turns out it was a dry period, that didn't last). We married far too quickly - only 7 months after meeting. I came to Christ in early 2007. H already professed to being Christian, but didn't attend church, read Bible, etc.
We have been married now less than two years. I'll just give a quick run-through of some of the problems through that short period of time: ongoing pornography use and lying to cover it (got rid of internet, he got dvd's I later found); alcoholism; property damage - he destroyed my computer (burned when I recorded his porn use and confronted him), my living room, kicked in my front door, and numerous other small damages to home I purchased prior to marriage; herpes - he claimed he didn't have sex outside of relationship and dr said it could have been contracted earlier with no symptoms but after the last year of finding lie after lie I just don't know if I believe that; LIES - about drinking, about porn, about whereabouts, about job loss, about money, about past history of infidelity in 1st marriage (all the while downing me because I admitted to mine), about being kicked out of military, about drug use; repeatedly left home over weekends and holidays on binge drunks; enlisted his relative's aid in removing both vehicles from our home (while he was drunk no less) so I would have no vehicle during his sprees; verbally abusive to me; using profanity toward my children; when trying to stay sober would be completely withdrawn and angry; very little sex and when there was it was focused entirely upon his needs; didn't pay bills, my home was nearly foreclosed; repeatedly removed his wedding ring when away from home whenever we were fighting. The list could go on, but I'm making my own eyes glaze over.
On to the present - he lost his job in January, then laid around the house playing video games and didn't even attempt to look for work. I was making enough money only to buy groceries and was consistently (read, daily) telling him I needed help or we were going to lose our home. He still did nothing. I, of course, nagged and complained - I was scared.
At the end of February, he moved out of our home and went to stay with his mother - he couldn't take the arguing he said. The very next week he went to Florida to visit his sister and exchanged email & phone info with a woman down there. He has since been emailing & chatting with her - although he claims to be just friends he has acknowledged that he violated a rule that HE wanted in our marriage, namely that we would have no friends of the opposite sex outside of the marriage (meaning unless they were friends of both of us).
We went to 1 session of marriage counseling, during which he threw his ring at me and stormed out.
He has remained unemployed until just this week (assuming he actually went to his job - I haven't had contact with him since Monday.) On Saturday we signed legal separation papers - I didn't feel I had grounds to file for divorce (not for sure anyway) and I need to protect my children and my property. I handed him $500 in cash from the tax refund. Saturday night he went out drinking and ended up in jail for public intoxication & disorderly conduct. His mother actually came to me on Sunday to ask for money to bail him out! I said no.
We spoke on Monday, and he made a statement that he thought we could work things out. Bear in mind, he has made no changes in his life. He is not seeking treatment, counseling, God, or anything except his own wisdom (which imho is quite limited - look where it's gotten him thus far). He is living his life as a single person - making decisions based only upon himself and for himself. I told him that short of God's intervention this marriage is unsalvageable. He got angry and asked "what do you want from me," (ummm . . . how bout making that fake guy I met turn into a real boy). I stated quite bluntly that there is nothing that I want from him. My children & I were well-off financially & emotionally before we met him and we have been dragged through the wringer. We are working on our relationship with our Lord and on rebuilding our home. Fine, he said, you won't hear from me again. (hang-up)
Pause . . . catching my breath (rest your eyes, the strain must be intense by now)
I guess my question is - have I been left by an unbeliever?
I told my pastor that I had to ask forgiveness from God because I questioned my husband's salvation and I felt like I was judging him. My pastor stated that although we are not to judge others, we are called to be fruit inspectors.
My H states that he believes in Jesus, but there has never been an iota of fruit during the time I've known him. He attended church about 7 times in the past 2 years, never read his Bible, we prayed together only 2 times (another sore point for me) and he lives in constant ongoing sin with no sign of repentance or regret.
Whew - I'm finished. Sorry this is so incredibly long (and hackneyed and boring - if this were a creative writing course I'd get an "F" for originality).
Opinions?
).
I will pray for you and your family.
)
), I must admit I would also get a big jolt of spiteful satisfaction at ripping off his mask. Whether she believes me or not.
