Is God fed up with Me?

[Lybrah]

I keep praying to God to send me a husband. The problem is, he sends me someone I just can't get interested in. Is it racist to say I don't want to date a particular race? I just don't feel attraction to this race (I'm not going to say what race it is). That might make me a racist, and I am sorry. But I have gone on dates with those men. The problem is, I feel like I have some nerve to keep asking God to send me someone, because He does and I reject the guy. I apologize to God for being superficial, but I don't know what I can do about it. I know looks shouldn't matter, but they do, initially, and I want to feel attraction and excitement when I look at a guy. I just can't force myself to get interested in someone (and this is for all races, actually). I try, but it doesn't happen. At some point I feel like God will say, "I keep sending them and you reject them! Enough!" I beat myself up over the fact that I should have been married by now and have kids.

 

[tstor]

Is it racist to say I don't want to date a particular race? I just don't feel attraction to this race (I'm not going to say what race it is). That might make me a racist, and I am sorry.

I have no practical advice for dating, as I have never dated. However, I can tell you that it is not racist to have preferences for or against certain races. People have preferences of hair color, eye color, body shape, body size, and skin color. Not a huge deal.

 

[Hall]

When we keep rejecting what God gives us, we often end up making decisions out of the carnal mind instead of the spiritual mind. And that usually leads to worldly problems.

 

[-Hannah-]

[x]

 

[Sketcher]

I keep praying to God to send me a husband. The problem is, he sends me someone I just can't get interested in.

How do you know God is sending you this person you are not interested in?

Is it racist to say I don't want to date a particular race? I just don't feel attraction to this race (I'm not going to say what race it is). That might make me a racist, and I am sorry. But I have gone on dates with those men. The problem is, I feel like I have some nerve to keep asking God to send me someone, because He does and I reject the guy. I apologize to God for being superficial, but I don't know what I can do about it. I know looks shouldn't matter, but they do, initially, and I want to feel attraction and excitement when I look at a guy.

Coming at this from a male perspective: I'm generally not attracted to certain hair colors or skin colors. But occasionally, I have run into women in those categories that were actually quite attractive. All God had to do to surprise me and teach me that there are exceptions to the rule is create them and allow me to see them. No "holy" pressure to date them or anything. I don't know why he would strongarm anyone into being open to dating someone of a race they don't like, because he doesn't need to. There's no mandate to obey or disobey, all you have to do is notice.

 

[S.O.J.I.A.]

the root word for preference is 'prefer'. it means that you take one thing over other things. this does not involve exclusion of other options but rather choosing one option over another.

you said you went on dates with people of this particular race. so did you end whatever relationship you had with them because you went into a relationship with someone in whose ethnicity you didn't care for to begin with and couldn't take it anymore so you ended it or did you go into it with ethnicity not being of any concern but found this person's personality to be an issue?

 

[blackribbon]

I keep praying to God to send me a husband. The problem is, he sends me someone I just can't get interested in. Is it racist to say I don't want to date a particular race? I just don't feel attraction to this race (I'm not going to say what race it is). That might make me a racist, and I am sorry. But I have gone on dates with those men. The problem is, I feel like I have some nerve to keep asking God to send me someone, because He does and I reject the guy. I apologize to God for being superficial, but I don't know what I can do about it. I know looks shouldn't matter, but they do, initially, and I want to feel attraction and excitement when I look at a guy. I just can't force myself to get interested in someone (and this is for all races, actually). I try, but it doesn't happen. At some point I feel like God will say, "I keep sending them and you reject them! Enough!" I beat myself up over the fact that I should have been married by now and have kids.

I didn't feel initial attraction to my husband. That grew as I got to know him. Don't marry someone you aren't attracted to but I think you are limiting yourself severely if you won't get to know someone if you don't feel sparks based on their initial appearance.

How exactly is God sending you all these men that you reject? Are we talking online dating and you don't like their picture? I don't know how you would be sure that every guy that contacts you this way is sent by God. I would suspect that many are not.

 

[tdidymas]

I keep praying to God to send me a husband. The problem is, he sends me someone I just can't get interested in. Is it racist to say I don't want to date a particular race? I just don't feel attraction to this race (I'm not going to say what race it is). That might make me a racist, and I am sorry. But I have gone on dates with those men. The problem is, I feel like I have some nerve to keep asking God to send me someone, because He does and I reject the guy. I apologize to God for being superficial, but I don't know what I can do about it. I know looks shouldn't matter, but they do, initially, and I want to feel attraction and excitement when I look at a guy. I just can't force myself to get interested in someone (and this is for all races, actually). I try, but it doesn't happen. At some point I feel like God will say, "I keep sending them and you reject them! Enough!" I beat myself up over the fact that I should have been married by now and have kids.

God tests us in many ways, even through the actions of Satan; and Satan can send people our way to disrupt our walk with Christ (but it is also a test from God).

I have seen women marry a man far out of their "beauty class" and vice-versa. It may depend on what you really want in your relationship. Do you want godliness first in your relationships? or do you want romance first? What is your purpose? I've heard it said numerous times that the "chemistry" has to be there, I take that to mean there has to be mutual attraction. However, is your goal out of reach? Are you looking for a man to fulfill a fleshly longing you have, rather than letting God first satisfy you? Are you living for romance? These are rhetorical questions.

If you get desperate and pressure yourself into a relationship, or grab the first man who comes along that you are attracted to, you will likely end up regretting it and even getting a divorce. I've seen many Christian women end up this way, trying to recover from ruined lives.

You have to have criteria for your relationships. God's word, specifically Proverbs and some other places like 1 Corinthians mention it. The first thing is that he be a godly man, committed to Christ. Then you have to talk about values and goals, and get into details. You must ask yourself the question, could I live with this man, given the faults I see? You must realize that you cannot rely on your attraction, because eventually the attraction disappears - it may take 6 mo. or a year, but it will completely disappear, and then you will only have friendship to continue with. You will need much more than physical attraction ("chemistry") to be continually attracted in some way, motive to maintain the relationship, and avoid the divorce trap.

It means putting God first, and that means you should find a man who puts God first in his life and relationships. Why not put your romantic ideas on the shelf right now, and just seek to make friends? Why not just trust God for you life, even if it means you might never marry? If you ask for an egg, will He give you a scorpion?
TD

 

[TaigaGirl]

I keep praying to God to send me a husband. The problem is, he sends me someone I just can't get interested in. Is it racist to say I don't want to date a particular race? I just don't feel attraction to this race (I'm not going to say what race it is). That might make me a racist, and I am sorry. But I have gone on dates with those men. The problem is, I feel like I have some nerve to keep asking God to send me someone, because He does and I reject the guy. I apologize to God for being superficial, but I don't know what I can do about it. I know looks shouldn't matter, but they do, initially, and I want to feel attraction and excitement when I look at a guy. I just can't force myself to get interested in someone (and this is for all races, actually). I try, but it doesn't happen. At some point I feel like God will say, "I keep sending them and you reject them! Enough!" I beat myself up over the fact that I should have been married by now and have kids.

I'm curious as to why attraction at first sight matters so much? Have you read Pride and Prejudice or watched the movie? In it Darcy thinks that Elizabeth is homely and not very attractive, but over time as he gets to know he, she becomes beautiful(attractive) to him.

Is there a reason that a certain race or races that you find unattractive(could there be fear underneath it)? Is it just their appearance or is it deeper then that, like cultural and traditional differences?

Some helpful advice from a Jewish Rabbi, was that figure out your three core beliefs/values, then they get to know those people who you share that in common, personality and appearance matter little when we can connect in our hearts and minds.

I'm sure in your fantasies of a men, there is the longing for connection, belonging, mattering and etc........that it's more then a guy just being hot. And it's totally normal to have those feelings of desire, wanting to feel on fire.

I invite you to go deeper into the feelings and find all that is there....Papa is there with you and will guide you through this process of getting to know yourself.

And Papa isn't fed up with you, you are his beloved daughter and he loves you dearly.

 

[dayhiker]

I don't think God expects you to date with the idea of getting married someone who are looking to marry.
So look for those that you have chemistry with.

 

[Lybrah]

God tests us in many ways, even through the actions of Satan; and Satan can send people our way to disrupt our walk with Christ (but it is also a test from God).

I have seen women marry a man far out of their "beauty class" and vice-versa. It may depend on what you really want in your relationship. Do you want godliness first in your relationships? or do you want romance first? What is your purpose? I've heard it said numerous times that the "chemistry" has to be there, I take that to mean there has to be mutual attraction. However, is your goal out of reach? Are you looking for a man to fulfill a fleshly longing you have, rather than letting God first satisfy you? Are you living for romance? These are rhetorical questions.

If you get desperate and pressure yourself into a relationship, or grab the first man who comes along that you are attracted to, you will likely end up regretting it and even getting a divorce. I've seen many Christian women end up this way, trying to recover from ruined lives.

You have to have criteria for your relationships. God's word, specifically Proverbs and some other places like 1 Corinthians mention it. The first thing is that he be a godly man, committed to Christ. Then you have to talk about values and goals, and get into details. You must ask yourself the question, could I live with this man, given the faults I see? You must realize that you cannot rely on your attraction, because eventually the attraction disappears - it may take 6 mo. or a year, but it will completely disappear, and then you will only have friendship to continue with. You will need much more than physical attraction ("chemistry") to be continually attracted in some way, motive to maintain the relationship, and avoid the divorce trap.

It means putting God first, and that means you should find a man who puts God first in his life and relationships. Why not put your romantic ideas on the shelf right now, and just seek to make friends? Why not just trust God for you life, even if it means you might never marry? If you ask for an egg, will He give you a scorpion?
TD

It's hard to make friends. Men don't want friends. They don't give me a chance to get to know them, because they want to get romantic and sometimes physical on the third date (way too early for me), and dump me. I guess there are guys I could have grown to like, but it was like I had to decide right away whether or not to be their girlfriend.

 

[Lybrah]

I'm curious as to why attraction at first sight matters so much? Have you read Pride and Prejudice or watched the movie? In it Darcy thinks that Elizabeth is homely and not very attractive, but over time as he gets to know he, she becomes beautiful(attractive) to him.

Is there a reason that a certain race or races that you find unattractive(could there be fear underneath it)? Is it just their appearance or is it deeper then that, like cultural and traditional differences?

Some helpful advice from a Jewish Rabbi, was that figure out your three core beliefs/values, then they get to know those people who you share that in common, personality and appearance matter little when we can connect in our hearts and minds.

I'm sure in your fantasies of a men, there is the longing for connection, belonging, mattering and etc........that it's more then a guy just being hot. And it's totally normal to have those feelings of desire, wanting to feel on fire.

I invite you to go deeper into the feelings and find all that is there....Papa is there with you and will guide you through this process of getting to know yourself.

And Papa isn't fed up with you, you are his beloved daughter and he loves you dearly.

Pride and Prejudice was written by a woman. Ask any man--none of them ever get attracted to girls they find homely. Never happens. You can be a total saint (whatever the men want), but if you're ugly, the man is not going to want to get to know you. Had a man written the book, it would be different.

I think it is cultural differences as well. The last guy couldn't really speak good English and worked at a fried chicken fast food place. He did not have a car, so I would have had to pick him up for the date and drive him around. Also, because his English was not good, I had to keep asking him to repeat what he said because I couldn't understand it. He was also coming on too strong.

 

[TaigaGirl]

It's hard to make friends. Men don't want friends. They don't give me a chance to get to know them, because they want to get romantic and sometimes physical on the third date (way too early for me), and dump me. I guess there are guys I could have grown to like, but it was like I had to decide right away whether or not to be their girlfriend.

Nope, that sounds like immaturity and totally worth walking away. Not all men, but sadly too many are just focused on sex, again that's immaturity.

 

[TaigaGirl]

Pride and Prejudice was written by a woman. Ask any man--none of them ever get attracted to girls they find homely. Never happens. You can be a total saint (whatever the men want), but if you're ugly, the man is not going to want to get to know you. Had a man written the book, it would be different.

I think it is cultural differences as well. The last guy couldn't really speak good English and worked at a fried chicken fast food place. He did not have a car, so I would have had to pick him up for the date and drive him around. Also, because his English was not good, I had to keep asking him to repeat what he said because I couldn't understand it. He was also coming on too strong.

Maybe, but that's not giving guys enough credit, I see couples all the time in real life, and their girlfriends aren't supermodels by any stretch. So I do believe that not all guys are just focused on what the media calls beautiful. Yeah, that sounds like cultural and maturity differences.

 

[blackribbon]

It's hard to make friends. Men don't want friends. They don't give me a chance to get to know them, because they want to get romantic and sometimes physical on the third date (way too early for me), and dump me. I guess there are guys I could have grown to like, but it was like I had to decide right away whether or not to be their girlfriend.

Sounds like we are talking about online dating...so yes, the purpose is to find that special someone as fast as possible without wasting too much time or money. In the real world, you actually can get to know a guy before you go on a date....and that is how you become friends.

 

[Beautyinsteadofashes]

I keep praying to God to send me a husband. The problem is, he sends me someone I just can't get interested in. Is it racist to say I don't want to date a particular race? I just don't feel attraction to this race (I'm not going to say what race it is). That might make me a racist, and I am sorry. But I have gone on dates with those men. The problem is, I feel like I have some nerve to keep asking God to send me someone, because He does and I reject the guy. I apologize to God for being superficial, but I don't know what I can do about it. I know looks shouldn't matter, but they do, initially, and I want to feel attraction and excitement when I look at a guy. I just can't force myself to get interested in someone (and this is for all races, actually). I try, but it doesn't happen. At some point I feel like God will say, "I keep sending them and you reject them! Enough!" I beat myself up over the fact that I should have been married by now and have kids.

Sweetie, do not beat yourself up. Relax and don't try to force anything to happen. It is okay to have preferences just do not go so far that you have a closed mind and miss the one God sends for you because he does not have everything on some checklist. We all do it. We want him tall, dark, handsome and sweet. But then we meet tall dark and handsome and maybe he's not so sweet. Looks can be deceiving. A person's heart is much more important. But again it is important even good to have preferences. You should know your standards you should know what you accept and what you absolutely will not. We're having preferences turns into being superficial is when you turn down someone based on how much money they make or how they look without getting to know them. I will tell you the same thing someone told me not that long ago. Relax you are single enjoy it. Take this time to work on your relationship with God and to work on yourself. When you are not paying attention when you're not worrying about it that is when the right guy will come.

 

[tdidymas]

It's hard to make friends. Men don't want friends. They don't give me a chance to get to know them, because they want to get romantic and sometimes physical on the third date (way too early for me), and dump me. I guess there are guys I could have grown to like, but it was like I had to decide right away whether or not to be their girlfriend.

"Men don't want friends." I've spent my life looking for friendship, so I could say the same thing about women. That's something we have in common, is that we have experienced so many who are looking for romance as top priority and assume everyone else is looking for the same. Part of the problem with you and I is that we don't speak our heart up front and tell people the truth about ourselves - that we are looking for friendship, not romance. Perhaps we are afraid that if we say that up front, that the other person will either reject us (go away quickly), or deceive us by adjusting their behavior but not their agenda. Every woman that I have made a friendship with became pushy with romance at some point. The only reason why I am still friends with the one I hang with now is because she was able to break through her fantasies and come to a real state of mind about the relationship. So now it is a friendship without romance, and we are both satisfied with it.

You might not think of me as a good example for you, because I have lived my whole life of 62 years without ever being married. Perhaps you have another agenda, because you really want to have a husband, and will not be satisfied with mere friendship with a man. But there are things that every person needs to know about a potential marriage relationship, that it takes a lot of effort to make it right and to maintain it, and more than 30% of all people are too lazy and selfish for it. They prove it so by the fact that more than 30% of first-time marriages in this country end in divorce. For all marriages (including those who remarry after divorce), the rate goes above 50%. Over the years I lost my desire to be married, and I cite one if the many reasons being that I never met the one I could live with.

If I had to do it all over again, and if I thought that marriage and family was in my destiny, and if I knew then what I know now, this is how I would do it:
1. Get myself right with God in every way as quickly as possible (and maintain this through life).
2. Get an education about relationships, boundaries, and godly unions.
3. Search for honesty and godliness in a life-partner.
4. Make sure they agree with all I know to be true and right.
5. Get over my fears.

I realize this is a tall order. But in a world where parents aren't matchmakers, you have to do the work yourself. Hope this helps some.
TD

 

[redblue22]

Pride and Prejudice was written by a woman. Ask any man--none of them ever get attracted to girls they find homely. Never happens. You can be a total saint (whatever the men want), but if you're ugly, the man is not going to want to get to know you. Had a man written the book, it would be different.

I find it hard to be friends with someone who is sexist.

 

[Lybrah]

I find it hard to be friends with someone who is sexist.

Do you mean me? I'm not saying this train of thought is morally right, but I have learned that men are visual. It is what it is.

 

[Petros2015]

Pride and Prejudice was written by a woman. Ask any man--none of them ever get attracted to girls they find homely. Never happens.

Not true. I was approached by a woman who had Belles Palsy when she was young, her face was slightly fallen on one side. She was 50, wearing braces. When she was younger, her mother broke her nose, and it showed. Somehow we had a connection though, and the more time I spent talking with her, the more I liked her. I remember her face lighting up when we talked and those flaws would vanish. She also ignored them, "I am an attractive, intelligent, beautiful woman" she would say.

I took the time to get to know her. When I left, it was all for the stuff on the inside.