Is divorce moral?

[Autumnleaf]

It seems like children of divorce tend to use drugs and having sex earlier than their peers. Women and children of divorce tend to be much more likely to live in poverty than people who stay married. In light of these statistics is divorce moral?

 

[TegomeToki]

It's more immoral to stay in a relationship that obviously isn't going to work. Believe it or not, when mommy and daddy don't feel for each other anymore, kids can pick up on it.

 

[Eudaimonist]

Correlation does not establish causation. Even if those statistics are correct, that doesn't mean that divorce causes that drug use in children.


eudaimonia,

Mark

 

[Wednesday]

Is there a remote possibility that Autumnleaf will stop asking inane questions?

 

[naotmaa]

I think it depends entirely on the situation. There are times when divorce is absolutely necessary and would then be the moral choice. Other times it may not be.

 

[Patashu]

Why isn't it? If the husband and wife simply cannot live with each other they shouldn't be forced to. Making divorce illegal won't solve anything, because divorce is not a problem but the solution to one.

 

[BookReader]

I agree with naotmaa. My grandparents divorced because my grandma was a Christian. Some believe that Christians should not divorce, but in this case, I think that it is perfectly alright because it was my grandfather (who was a Hindu) who initiated the divorce.

 

[Maren]

Like everyone else, I believe it is situational. While I believe there are too many divorces, and many of them are for bad reasons, I also believe that too many divorces is better than too few (e.g. forcing people to remain in abusive relationships).

 

[Renton405]

It seems like children of divorce tend to use drugs and having sex earlier than their peers. Women and children of divorce tend to be much more likely to live in poverty than people who stay married. In light of these statistics is divorce moral?

Divorce is always immoral except in extreme cases. Jesus said whoever divorces his wife and marrys another commits adultery. And anyone who marrys a divorced woman or man commits adultry also..

Re-married people live in the sin of adultry all their lives. That is why divorced-remarried people cannot take communion.. Whatever God puts together let no man put asunder..

Children obviously need both parents as children in single parent familys tend to do alot worse and have higher drug and violence rates statistically..

Correlation does not establish causation. Even if those statistics are correct, that doesn't mean that divorce causes that drug use in children.

that is such an excuse.. and if thats true then NOTHING can be the cause of anything.. Either way when something is a big influence in someones life its gonna have an effect..

 

[Eudaimonist]

that is such an excuse..

It's not an excuse. It's an accepted principle of statistics.

and if thats true then NOTHING can be the cause of anything..

No, it simply means that you can't conclude anything from mere correlation. You must take additional steps to establish causation.

Through correlation alone, I can "prove" that high temperatures cause deaths by drowning. Does this sound crazy? How can high temperatures cause death by drowning?

These are correlated statistically because people swim more often when it is warm out than when it is cold. Therefore, more deaths by drowning happen when it is warm. But the deaths are not caused by the high temperatures, but by such things as unsafe swimming practices, e.g. swimming alone.

Either way when something is a big influence in someones life its gonna have an effect..

Of course. And tension in a bad marriage is going to have effects too.

But getting back to what I have explained above, the cause might not from the divorce itself, but by something positively correlated with divorces. If people who are culturally more likely to consider divorce also culturally don't raise their children as effectly to avoid drugs, then drug use among children of divorcees will be positively correlated with divorce, but drug use won't be directly caused by the divorce.

Be very careful when accepting correlation in statistics as evidence of a proposed cause, since it might be an unexpected cause that is to blame.


eudaimonia,

Mark

 

[Steezie]

It seems like children of divorce tend to use drugs and having sex earlier than their peers. Women and children of divorce tend to be much more likely to live in poverty than people who stay married. In light of these statistics is divorce moral?

Despite the fact that you havent actually posted any statistics...

I think its probably worse to stay in a relationship thats a constant war-zone than to break it off. Atleast when you break it off you have SOME peace.

Close friends of mine have parents who refuse to get a divorce because they dont believe in divorce. Yet their idea of a family night is to throw cookware at each other. Every family gathering they have draws at least ONE cop car from the screaming and yelling. One young woman I spoke to online had had her mother actually empty a shotgun into the bathroom door trying to get at the girl's father (He was in the shower so she kinda missed).

Now, I may not have the BLINDING insight to the human mind that people like Dr. Phil has, but something tells me that if you measure your marriage's communication in grains of gunpowder or silverware scars, something is VERY wrong. Someone I saw once suggest "couples therapy". Yeah, if your wife is shoot at you with double-ought, thats probably a sign couples therapy is NOT going to be effective. Unless couples therapy is getting beaten in the face with a pillowcase full of nuts and bolts, its probably a waste of money.

 

[Maren]

Divorce is always immoral except in extreme cases. Jesus said whoever divorces his wife and marrys another commits adultery. And anyone who marrys a divorced woman or man commits adultry also..

Re-married people live in the sin of adultry all their lives. That is why divorced-remarried people cannot take communion.. Whatever God puts together let no man put asunder..

Children obviously need both parents as children in single parent familys tend to do alot worse and have higher drug and violence rates statistically..




that is such an excuse.. and if thats true then NOTHING can be the cause of anything.. Either way when something is a big influence in someones life its gonna have an effect..

Two problems here. First, correlation does not equal causation. For example, everyone drinks water and everyone dies. If correlation equals causation, that would mean that drinking water is the cause of all death. We know this is untrue, that drinking water is not a direct cause of killing people, and that most people's deaths are completely unrelated to the fact that they drank water. This is a good and simple example of why correlation does not equal causation.

Second, the scriptures discourage sin but they do not call divorce sin -- it is the remarriage Christ calls sin, specifically he calls it adultery. So, with that in mind, marriage could be allowed for any reason; it is remarriage that should be banned according to your Bible.

 

[TegomeToki]

Divorce is always immoral except in extreme cases. Jesus said whoever divorces his wife and marrys another commits adultery. And anyone who marrys a divorced woman or man commits adultry also..

So, your God smiles upon people living together as a couple, despite the fact that they cannot stand each other? You don't think a child can sense that his or her parents aren't in love anymore? That there is tension in the household?

Children obviously need both parents as children in single parent familys tend to do alot worse and have higher drug and violence rates statistically..

Hmm...I grew up just fine, living half of my life without my father. I'd like to see some statistics, please.

 

[platzapS]

If there are no children involved, I have no care for whether couples stay together or not. I might think certain divorces are short-sighted and foolish, but it's totally the couple's decision.

If the couple has children, though, I think it changes. Barring spousal abuse or something like that, the parents should do everything possible to stay together, unless staying together would be worse for the child than separation.

(My parents are married and they are both loving and awesome. I'm very lucky.)

 

[WatersMoon110]

My religion professor said, "No one gets married planning to get divorced." But, sometimes, bad things happen, and, "Only the couple involved understands what is going on in their marriage."

From a Biblical standpoint, it really depends on what part of the Bible one is looking at. In the Old Testament, God told Moses that divorce was permitted (and this was interpreted eventually to include just about any reason for divorce). In Mark, Jesus is quoted as saying that divorce is never allowed, but in Matthew it is allowed for "unchastity" or adultery.

From a social standpoint, I think it is far worse to stay in an unhealthy relationship than to divorce. But I think it is important to try and work out problems (through couples counseling and such) before taking such an extreme option.

Also, I think it is far worse for kids to have two parents who argue all the time (like my parents did before they divorced) than to have their parents divorce.

 

[Polycarp1]

I like Steezie' point.

There's a great deal of blather about how Jesus condemns divorce. But read the passage -- what he condemns is "putting away your wife" for any reason other than adultery. Remember that in Jewish custom -- and AFAIK this is not spelled out explicitly in the Law -- it was very easy for a Jewish man to diverce his wife. He needed to pronounce "I divorce you" to her three times in the presence of elders, or something very near the sort. Naturally, human nature being what it is, there were men who left the wives they'd married when young as they aged, in favor of some nubile younger sort attracted to his relative wealth and maturity. And, Jewish culture being what it was, this left the ex-wives in poverty. This was what Jesus condemned.

If I had to define proper morality -- and thank God I do not -- I'd say that leaving a spouse because it's not thrilling any more is immoral. You made a commitment and should honor it if possible.

However, and taking the needs and feelings of any children into as much account as those of the couple, when the effect of a continuing marriage is creating more hurt than benefit, the marriage is dead or dying. And at that point the moral thing is to do what is right for yourself, your spouse, and your children -- which may be to end that marriage.

One of our priests produced a beautiful metaphor. A marriage is like a human being. It needs to be properly raised from its infancy, nurtured in love, strengthened when in adversity, healed when injured, receive drastic medical treatment when critically ill. And when dead despite all that, it needs to be buried, and the survivors need to grieve it and then get on with their lives.

 

[EnemyPartyII]

It seems like children of divorce tend to use drugs and having sex earlier than their peers. Women and children of divorce tend to be much more likely to live in poverty than people who stay married. In light of these statistics is divorce moral?

What statistics?

Maybe if you actually present some statistics that support your claim, you'd do better

 

[flicka]

I don't think it's divorce that makes anyone use drugs and have sex, it's probably the entire family dynamic...including all the things that lead up to a divorce.

So to answer the OP, divorce is moral. Unfortunate, but moral.

 

[catlover]

It seems like children of divorce tend to use drugs and having sex earlier than their peers. Women and children of divorce tend to be much more likely to live in poverty than people who stay married. In light of these statistics is divorce moral?

It's immoral in the fact that women, in America,need to be attached to a husband in order to NOT live in poverty. I am sure in Sweden poverty for divorced women isn't such an issue because they have a government that actually cares about it's citizens. Unlike here in America where most citizens like to blame those living in poverty for the plight. So perhaps the governments which allow a patriarchal society to flourish is what is immoral.

 

[catlover]

Divorce is always immoral except in extreme cases.

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So a woman who's husband beats the crap out of her every night should just take it as her cross to bare?