Is being a SAHM a waste of an education?

[LinkH]

As a man married to an Asian from Asia, I do appreciate the fact that feminism isn't quite as strong there. She doesn't feel like she has to go out and have a career to be a real woman.​

I think you are operating under a misunderstanding. All human women are "real" women. I don't have a career so that I can be "real". I have a career because I was smart enough to have an education and to continue through the highest levels of that education. My parents had no intention that I would waste my brain on doing nothing. Because I had that education, I have a career where I use that education so that it isn't wasted, and by having a career - in my field - I am able to put that education and my intellect to good use. It would be extremely wasteful not to take what God has given me and use it for the betterment of others. That doesn't make me a "real" woman. What God gave me so far as my gender is concerned is what makes me a "real" woman. I could stop work tomorrow and still be just as real.

I was having a conversation with Hetta in another thread, and I think this coule be a thread of it's own.

My comment about being a 'real woman' is that it seems like some feminists, maybe more so a few decades ago, seemed to look down on women who chose the stay at home mom path instead of building a career. There is probably still some of that going on, but I think the environment may be a bit more friendly toward women who stay home as 'homemakers.'

Let's say a woman gets an education at the highest levels and then gets married, has a child, and decides to stay at home with the child from birth until the child starts kindergarten. If another child comes along in a few years, then another, that could mean staying home for 7 to 10 years.

Is this a waste of an education?

I've studied a little Finance, so when I think of the value of education, I tend to think of it in terms of dollar figures. If a woman does want to be a stay at home mom, it does make sense to calculate the value of the education before she goes and gets that masters degree. If you take that approach to some majors though, no one would study them. Finance tends to measure things in monetary terms. Economics is a bit more flexible.

In some countries, like South Asian countries, a woman might go get a degree, then marry another educated man, then stay at home and care for the house. This seems a little financially wasteful to me. It's like they get educated to qualify for a certain type of marriage partner.

But maybe the reasoning is that a mother who is educated is a better mother in a lot of ways. She may encourage her children's education more than a less educated mother. If her degree is in early childhood education, nutrition, nursing, or various other fields, it can directly apply to taking care of children.

But from the perspective of the woman with the education seeking to stay home, is it a waste of a past education to choose to forgo extra salary to be the one who gets to spend time and care for the children all day long instead of sending them to daycare? I don't think so. You could consider the educational expenses to be 'sunk cost' that you can't get back anyway. From that perspective, you look at what is beneficial going forward, not at investments from the past that you can't recoup. That's a dry way of looking at it. Caring for your own children at home may be more worthwhile than the extra income or 'self actualization' from a career.

I don't see staying at home with the kids as a waste of an education.

What say ye?

 

[Niffer]

I have come across a lot of women who argue that by being a SAHM I am wasting my education - I have a very hard time believing that and find the idea completely offensive.
Am I less "real" because I didn't pursue my masters? I don't believe so.
I had no guarantee's that I'd marry OR have children, and so, because I wanted eventually to be a SAHM and Mum, I should just sit on my tuffett and wait for Mr. Right to come along?
I don't think so!
I believe everyone should go for higher education - even if, God forbid, my husband died, I need to be able to provide for my family, which I couldn't do if I didn't get an education.
Thankfully the idea that being a mom/sahm is a "waste of an education" is dying. I find fulfillment and much more 'self-actualization' from raising my children and being home with them..
In that way, they are my best and most important investment.

Peace,
~ Niffer

 

[ChristianGolfer]

I think that having an education is valuable in and of itself. It's never a waste.

An educated mother will pass on her knowledge to her children, whether or not she puts that education to use in earning a paycheck. Plus, statistics show us that the higher the education of the spouses, the less likely they are to divorce. That's probably correlated with the fact that higher poverty is a statistically significant factor in the likelihood of divorce.

I think that for women, especially, being educated means that we do not have to marry for financial stability. We can choose a mate on our own terms, in our own time, because we don't have to depend on a man. This means that women will tend to be happier in their marriages, choosing men that they really love, rather than settling and then finding themselves miserable down the road.

Not to mention that education teaches things like critical thinking which we can apply to finding a spouse. Education is as much about self-awareness as anything, IMO.

I think it's true there was a time when a certain set of feminists looked down on women who chose to stay at home. But I really think that's a thing of the past. The feminism I'm familiar with simply wants for that to be something women can freely choose - not something that is forced upon us.

I also see movement amongst feminists for making the workplace more congenial to women with children. Flexible hours, the ability to work from home, bringing children to work, etc, go a long way toward letting women raise their children and not have to choose between a successful career and raising kids. Taking 10 or so years out of the work place is a detriment to career advances. It puts you ten years behind your co-workers and competitors who didn't take that time out of the job market.

All that being said, I do think it would be a 'waste' if the woman never re-entered the job market. But putting a career on hold for 10 years or so to raise children is not a waste.


ETA: I'm currently a stay at home mom and I work part time. My career is such that I can work from home and have fairly flexible hours. I'm pretty blessed in that. Not all women have that opportunity.

 

[HannahT]

(Shrugs) I don't think my education was a waste. I didn't have a crystal ball to for see my future! You also don't know what life will hand up down the line either.

Education to me makes most people more well rounded. It has benefits outside the momentary part. Educated people tend to make more educated decisions as well. I believe I hand my family - spouse included - some benefits that I gained in prospective, etc due to my education.

Although an education doesn't always equal a successful life. It doesn't mean one is better than the other either. Nothing wrong with differences! It makes the world go round!

If you need to think in terms of money or finances? There are many ladies that have careers when they pass their child bearing and raising years. Delayed return on your investment isn't always a bad thing!

 

[akmom]

I sure hope not! I have a B.S. degree and stay home with my children. I find the term "homemaker" kind of silly; I don't stay home all day to take care of the house, but to care for my children. There's a lot of research showing that children of educated parents do better with a stay-at-home parent than they do in daycare, whereas children of lesser educated parents actually benefit more from a daycare setting. I'll have to find the references if the issue takes off. But I don't think that investing in the next generation is a waste. The first five years of life are significant developmental years, so I would argue that the one-on-one attention that a child gets in those years benefits them greatly compared to a daycare setting, and probably improves their lifelong prospects. So if you incorporate that into a broader, multi-generational equation - taking into account the relative advantage conferred to a child by staying home with them in the formative years, compared to the relative disadvantage the woman experiences by putting her career on hold - then you might very well come out ahead. But I don't have those statistics, and I imagine they are heavily influenced by transient economic factors anyway.

There are two questions you could be exploring in that poll. 1. Should an educated woman have children? 2. If she does, should she stay at home with them until they start school?

1. I would argue that the kinds of people who get a college degree are in fact the kinds of people most suited to have children. They are more economically stable, statistically less likely to divorce, obviously value education, and have the ability and dedication to obtain a degree. You also have to remember that children tend to follow their parents' socioeconomic status, so the children of educated parents are at an advantage.

2. Daycare itself is expensive, so the amount of extra income you have after childcare expenses can be quite slim. If you factor in direct costs, associated transportation costs, missed savings from breastfeeding and home-cooked meals, then you could very well be working for less than minimum wage (depending on your salary). Can you really put that little income to good use, compared to what you could provide for your family by being home? Maybe. The fact that most people have children between age 18-35 (which is recommended for optimal health), and most people finish their degrees between age 22-28 (depending on their level of education), I think most new parents tend to be at the beginning of their career, when pay is less. So financially it is very likely swing in favor of stay-at-home motherhood. Of course there is the long-term setback in your career to consider as well. But it's hard to call it "waste" based on those numbers alone. That's not even considering the intrinsic value of time spent with children.

I think some people calling it a waste are forgetting that mothers do typically reenter the workforce when their kids start school.

 

[ValleyGal]

.... it seems like some feminists, maybe more so a few decades ago, seemed to look down on women who chose the stay at home mom path instead of building a career.....

It's never, imo, been about looking down on those who choose to stay home, but rather about providing the option to choose without stigma (either way) or barriers to getting gainful employment in spite of the fact that we have children.

But maybe the reasoning is that a mother who is educated is a better mother in a lot of ways....

I find this incredibly offensive. There are hundreds of thousands of women out there - working or not working, educated or not educated - who are fantastic parents. I know one mom who is parenting from prison, and she is one of the best moms I've ever met in my life. Education has nothing to do with how good a parent you are. There are just as many child protection issues in affluent homes as in middle or under-privileged homes.

 

[ImaginaryDay]

I sure hope not! I have a B.S. degree and stay home with my children. I find the term "homemaker" kind of silly; I don't stay home all day to take care of the house, but to care for my children. There's a lot of research showing that children of educated parents do better with a stay-at-home parent than they do in daycare, whereas children of lesser educated parents actually benefit more from a daycare setting. I'll have to find the references if the issue takes off...

Consider the issue 'taken off'. Find me that 'research'. I'll wait...

 

[MrsSWH]

It depends entirely on how you see education.

If you are only educating yourself just to get a job and make a return on your investment (college) then being a sahm (forever) is a waste of time but if it was also for the knowledge and the development of your reasoning skills it will never be a waste of time. A child of educated parents has a lot of advantages that they may not have if they were born to uneducated parents. For this reason I also think it is an advantage is mom has some experience in the working world before she settles down. You can't really know what is more important or what should be more important to somebody. I believe some women should keep on working even if they have children because they are important in their jobs but that is probably another discussion...

Also people tend to favor others with similar educational backgrounds. If your husband likes to discuss the latest technological advancements or is interested in philosophy and history he usually wants a wife you shares some of his passions.

 

[Verve]

This looks like it could get interesting. Subscribing.

 

[Hetta]

I got the education and I got to stay home for the kids when they were small for a period. I consider myself well blessed.
Once the children have outgrown mommy being at home, I don't see a reason for it, I guess. They are at school all day, so why wouldn't I be at work all day.

But the whole point of my post was about this "real woman" thing. I think it's silly. A woman is made real by the fact that she exists. She can't be "more" real.

 

[Kaitlyn]

I have both an education and I work. I did stay at home when my children were young and went back to work when they went to school.

 

[Niffer]

As an educated SAHM (Librarian/Information Tech) I plan on homeschooling my children, which will mean I am planning on being out of the workforce indefinitely.
Because I'm not planning on shooting myself back into the workforce as soon as they're old enough to be dropped in daycare; my education is somehow a waste?
Or is it excusable because I'm homeschooling and therefore using my education and not letting my brains rot?

The point that if you're not re-entering the workforce, and have completed higher education - and are therefore a "waste" is ridiculous.
At least in my opinion.

Since when is learning wasteful? Because I am a mom I have no need for higher education? I should be happy learning to cook and clean and care for babies?

Talk about being made out to not be "real".

So disappointing.

~ Niffer

 

[Hetta]

I never said that anyone else was wasting it - I said that I use my education so that it is not wasted. That's about me, not anyone else.

And nobody said that children should be "dropped off at daycare." Nobody. That's very unnecessary.

 

[Hetta]

To reiterate:

It would be extremely wasteful not to take what God has given me and use it for the betterment of others. That doesn't make me a "real" woman. What God gave me so far as my gender is concerned is what makes me a "real" woman. I could stop work tomorrow and still be just as real.

Nothing I ever wrote was about other people. It was entirely about my thoughts about ME and my career and education.

Are SAHM's using their education on their kids? Great. Good for them. It's not wasted then, is it?

 

[Tropical Wilds]

I don't think there's such a thing as "wasting an education." Never is anybody worse off for improving themselves intellectually.

Wasting a degree? Well, perhaps. That's neither a good or bad thing, just a statement of the degree's usefulness. For example, I have a degree and I've never once used it or done with it what I wanted to. I'm happy to have the degree, I'm happy I can use it at some point perhaps, I'm completely happy with my line of work and what all I accomplish, but at this time... I'd say I'm wasting it. I won't be forever, probably, but right now... Totally. I'm paying off something using income generated from a job that can be held by people with no education when the idea was that I'd incur the expenses of the education, but also a position and salary that would allow me to pay it off more comfortably and/or provide for myself and my family better. But I don't regret, nor would I change where I am, so the "wasting of a degree" is the last of the things I deal with in my life.

As far as contempt for women who stay home... Honestly, the only time I see it with any sort of regularity is when said woman stays home and collects social benefits like welfare. People who say they are doing what's best for the kids when, in actuality, it's that they don't want to work and the welfare system gives them a financial means to do this. In general, most women I know don't really care if somebody stays home with their kids, and the grief that I've seen them get is few and far between.

On the flip side, when I worked outside of home... The parade of garbage I got from all angles for that choice was absolutely ridiculous. Some of it was very direct ("how could you put your child in daycare to work?) to more subtle ("Oh, I could never put my child in daycare and let a stranger raise him... My most important job is to be a mother and that's why I gave up my career...")... My favorite was the condescending "Oh, I wish I could work outside of the home, it'd be nice to get a break!" I wanted to smack those people upside the head. When I gave up working outside of the home because I had an opportunity to work from home, the criticism stopped overnight. Suddenly I got nothing but praise for my choice to stay home. Anybody with a kid in schools there very much is the clique of "super mommies" who stay home, all of whom are pretty critical of those who don't.

Frankly, I hate, hate, hate that I get praise simply for being at home with my son all day... Being a SAHM is not, in and of itself, a praiseworthy thing. How we parent is, and strangely, I don't think if one works or doesn't is the barometer for that. There are a ton of terrible, awful SAHM's with terrible, poorly educated, poorly socialized, ill-behaving children, and tons of working mothers with fantastic, wonderful kids. It all has to do with you as a parent, and a whole lot of consideration for how the child is, as well as the overall dynamic in that child's life, that determines great parenting. Not what you enter on your tax return for "occupation" once a year.

Personally, I wish everybody would mind their own business. Who cares? Who has time to care? I know I don't. If you want to get a Doctorate in medicine and then quit your job to be a SAHM two days before you discover the cure for cancer and never work a day in your life again... Fine. Do it. Enjoy yourself. Please, God, do what's best for your family. If you want to have a child, put them in daycare when they're 6 weeks old, and work 40 hours a week, 20 hours a week, 10 hours a week... Or you NEED to do that to provide for your family despite the fact that you don't want to... God bless you. Please, please... Do it.

I always operate under the assumption that the people in their families know what's best for it, so when somebody makes the stay home/don't stay home choice, I always assume they're doing it because it's in their best interests.

 

[Hetta]

Well it's a fact that women can't ever get it right. They're either wrong for staying home or they're wrong for working, and so ITA that the choice should be made by each individual as to what they will do - stay home or work.

Again, that's why I said that I'm talking for myself, not anyone else. I don't care what anyone else does, I only know what was right for me and continues to be right for me.

 

[Niffer]

Being a SAHM is not, in and of itself, a praiseworthy thing.

Like you said, sometimes it's really good not to care what others think.

 

[Puffinstuff]

[QUOTE In general, most women I know don't really care if somebody stays home with their kids, and the grief that I've seen them get is few and far between.

On the flip side, when I worked outside of home... The parade of garbage I got from all angles for that choice was absolutely ridiculous. Some of it was very direct ("how could you put your child in daycare to work?) to more subtle ("Oh, I could never put my child in daycare and let a stranger raise him... My most important job is to be a mother and that's why I gave up my career...")... My favorite was the condescending "Oh, I wish I could work outside of the home, it'd be nice to get a break!" I wanted to smack those people upside the head. When I gave up working outside of the home because I had an opportunity to work from home, the criticism stopped overnight. Suddenly I got nothing but praise for my choice to stay home. Anybody with a kid in schools there very much is the clique of "super mommies" who stay home, all of whom are pretty critical of those who don't. ][/QUOTE]

I see it coming in (the critisisms) from both sides .But maybe since you work outside the home you aren't on the receiving end of it so it seems its like working outside the home moms get it worse.I may notice it more because I have been a stay at home mom.And its not just women its men.SAHM's aren't every seen as sacrificing or having to give anything up by most.Its strictly seen (by some) as only about being priveldged and really not even viewed as any real kind of work at all.

I know many mothers really have to work.To keep even a modest standard of living for her family.If those women say "I would love to be a SAHM but we cant afford it" I believe them.But I see a lot more that go to work for a lot of extras.I do not judge them for that at all.But at the same time don't look at me that has a far more modest life style and pretend I have not made a lot sacrifices to be at home.Or lets put it this way I chose to give up "things" to be home.I dont begrudge it I guess I just feel like a deserve a little more respect and not an attitude of I'm just 'lucky'" I got t stay at home and live off my husbands paycheck.

 

[Puffinstuff]

I also think its a shame that we feel the need to analyze pick on and judge each other anyway.We are all mothers working outside the home or not.Most of us have our childrens best interest at heart no matter what we choose.

 

[Niffer]

I know many mothers really have to work.To keep even a modest standard of living for her family.If those women say "I would love to be a SAHM but we cant afford it" I believe them.But I see a lot more that go to work for a lot of extras.I do not judge them for that at all.But at the same time don't look at me that has a far more modest life style and pretend I have not made a lot sacrifices to be at home.Or lets put it this way I chose to give up "things" to be home.I dont begrudge it I guess I just feel like a deserve a little more respect and not an attitude of I'm just 'lucky'" I got t stay at home and live off my husbands paycheck.

QFT.