Inventory

[Mayflower1]

I am working on my inventory right now for Celebrate Recovery. I am to write out those who have harmed me.... I only have four people but it is 20 pages long. a lot of it dealt with the abuse though I've been through. every time I look back it helps me with my present, especially since I started the dating world.

the next part is inventory on myself... then I am telling my inventory to both my sponsor and advocate from a program I was in, because they are who I trust to share this with. It is a very hard step, but already I have stopped denying some things and feel more free as a result.

 

[If Not For Grace]

Harmed you? or resentments you hold? There is a difference and The 12-steps do that one a bit differently.

When I did my 4th Step (Moral Inventory) I treated it like a grocery list

I looked at what I had, What I needed to discard, what I needed to acquire and how to go about getting it.

Resentment is considered the #1 offender (and IMO Fear is a close second). I made a list of all the resentments I had and looked at my part in them since the only thing we can change is in ourselves. The rest was the part that I had to discard or let go of.

For me that is what forgiveness is about..letting go of the hurt. It is not necessarily restoring an offender to the previous position they held in my life. (If you get to that's great, but most times that's not how it works unless the two of you are working on a similar program) Forgiveness means I do not hold the grudge or seek revenge or become embittered by the incident. It does not mean I trust a person who has proven themselves untrustworthy. I just now know it unwise to trust that person and move on. I pray that that person becomes a person who can be trusted.

I found out that my best assets were also some of my biggest flaws and that what I needed to do was not be a person of extremes. I needed to bring those attributes back into balance with the guidance of my HP, my sponsor and by working the recovery steps.

 

[Mayflower1]

This is how the step reads:

4) We made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
"Let us examine our ways and test them, and let us return to the Lord." Lamentations 3:40

In the step study group though it first asks us to list everyone who has harmed us... we are to put our responsibility in it and what their's is so we can seperate it out. This is how I understand it... It is hard on some parts of the abuse to put not guilty. and for many years, it was a secret in our house on the things that had happened. And I just want a few people to know exactly what did happen. As a child I had no voice but now I do... as far as my dad, I don't plan of letting him back in my life unless he gets serious help. I have been able to keep my Mom in my life. I just had to realize she had a lot of problems to growing up to dead bolt the door and board up the windows so my dad wouldn't go out and look at another woman except for her and me. Yes... I will say everything, because I have a voice. and I am not guilty of it. But I kept it a secret, I cut when I got older, and I did other things I am facing in this step... but it is freeing, so I will do this... and when I get to step five I will be able to focus just on my faults because I have people I trust who will confirm what is not.

 

[If Not For Grace]

I used the Big Book format and the Al-anon Pathways to Recovery, AL-anon has a workbook called the Blue Print For Progress that many use, but I did not find it as helpful as the BB (Al-Anon considers the BB Non-CAL, but I am a bit of Rebel or heretic in that respect, )

I have friends who do CR but I have not dug into it. I am always curious about the different approaches. AA, Al-Anon & NA have a few differences in focus or emphasis but not really when it comes to the steps. There are a few philosophical differences, but not many.

We sum it all up with Trust God, Clean House and Help Others.

 

[Autumnleaf]

Good. Many people falter at steps 4 and 5.