intimate apparel

[49erfan]

I've been married seven years. About two years ago my wife stopped wearing intimate apparel to bed. Now she just wears cotton boxers and a top (in warmer months) or a flannel nightgown (in the winter). I miss the idea that she was preparing herself for fun in bed.

Is this a common thing in marriage? If so, why?

 

[Jenna]

lol - I'm sure that many people will say that it is common. You can take heart that she feels comfortable enough to be 'natural' around you. Still, I know that it can be rough to lose that sense of getting special attention and care. Maybe you should just mention to her how much you loved how she would ready herself to be with you, that it made you feel special.

 

[kimber1]

49er fan-- i agree that it is common. i'm posting a link here that maybe will help give you some ideas. it's about rekindling the flame in your marriage.
http://www.gospelcom.net/rbc/ds/cb012/

 

[EJO]

Hey, be honest....
I dont matter what she has on, sexy or not if we are going to have fun- it's coming off!

*sitting back down*

 

[kimber1]

LOL! well i kind of have to agree with EJO even though i'm a woman!! But one thing to remember is the majority og us galls, it's all about the romance- the little things ya know?

 

[DaveKerwin]

yeah, women don't want to wear red lengerie to bed and red high heels... LOL

they just wear it for fun. I think the key to brining this back for you is to go to your other post about sexual punishment and talk about those issues I mentioned.

 

[IslandBreeze]

One thing that both husbands and wives have to be careful of is not to become complacent. This means the husband still needs to do romantic little gestures and the wife needs to put on something special.

Big, huge amen to that! ESPECIALLY after having children. I've seen a lot of friends give up on their marriage and sex life due to their children.

 

[Mr.Cheese]

Candles and backrubs dude.

My view of intimate apparrel...Some of it is harder to take off than the t-shirt and boxers. Ultimately, that's where you're trying to get anyway.

But as for your issue...I think this is something beyond my ability to comment on. This may or may not involve greater problems. I encourage you guys to talk about it and be very patient with each other.

 

[psycmajor]

49,

Maybe she doesn't feel like she has to impress you. It could be a sign that she feels comfortable enough with you to not have to wear all that stuff.

 

[OracleX]

It can be common but it doesn't have to be.

 

[psycmajor]

Pray4Isrel

 

[slimfish]

I think you should be thankful that you got 5 years of lingerie (sp?). My wife quit wearing those special garments after the honeymoon. Seriously, I barely got 5 days of lingerie, but this isn't about me. I think that it is probably pretty normal for women to stop wearing lingerie after a period of time. Whatever the cause, be thankful that she agreed to spend the rest of her life with you. Godbless.

 

[IslandBreeze]

I think you should be thankful that you got 5 years of lingerie (sp?). My wife quit wearing those special garments after the honeymoon. Seriously, I barely got 5 days of lingerie, but this isn't about me. I think that it is probably pretty normal for women to stop wearing lingerie after a period of time. Whatever the cause, be thankful that she agreed to spend the rest of her life with you. Godbless.

You have GOT to be kidding me. It is absolutely NOT normal for women to stop wearing lingerie and/or trying to be sexy for their husbands. That shows lack of effort on a woman's part, and nothing more IMHO. He should NOT be 'thankful' that his wife wore lingerie for him. Husbands and wives should go out of their way to please their spouse. Lingerie takes such little, little efffort. The way you talk, he should settle for a lifetime of not being pleased by his wife. I believe that's unacceptable. I'm sorry that your wife is not interested in making an effort for you, but I think not making an effort in a marriage is morally wrong.

 

[IslandBreeze]

49,

Maybe she doesn't feel like she has to impress you. It could be a sign that she feels comfortable enough with you to not have to wear all that stuff.

I don't think you can be TOO comfortable in a marriage. When people get THAT comfortable, they let themselves go, and stop making an effort. My husband married a 115-lb. woman who took care of herself. If I have anything to do with it (except for pregnancy), he will always be married to a thin woman who takes care of herself. Women think that after they have kids or whatever they aren't supposed to be attractive anymore, and I think that's unfortunate for many married men...

 

[slimfish]

I'm sorry that your wife is not interested in making an effort for you, but I think not making an effort in a marriage is morally wrong.

That was a quote by Cammie. Just a quick question, maybe two. Do you know my wife? I take offense to your statement that my wife does not put forth an effort in our marriage. My wife happens to be one of the most dilligent, hard working people I know. She invests all that she has in our marriage. Since when did physicality become the only thing that holds a marriage together?

One more thing, when does God tell us to not be thankful? As Christians we should always be thankful for our spouses. I am absolutely boggeled at your comments. I think that you might want to rethink what being married means. Marriage is an institution that looks past the physical. It is an institution that communicates love and acceptance as a persons is. If my wife puts on 15-150 lbs you'd better believe that I'm going to love her just as much as I did when I first married her. I hope and pray that my marriage isn't so shallow to be put off by my wife if she gains some weight or doesn't "dress sexy". Plus the sexiest part of my wife is her personality. And aren't we told not to put stock into worldly things like looks and clothing? Again, I'm boggled by your remarks.

 

[IslandBreeze]

I'm sorry that your wife is not interested in making an effort for you, but I think not making an effort in a marriage is morally wrong.

That was a quote by Cammie. Just a quick question, maybe two. Do you know my wife? I take offense to your statement that my wife does not put forth an effort in our marriage. My wife happens to be one of the most dilligent, hard working people I know. She invests all that she has in our marriage. Since when did physicality become the only thing that holds a marriage together?

One more thing, when does God tell us to not be thankful? As Christians we should always be thankful for our spouses. I am absolutely boggeled at your comments. I think that you might want to rethink what being married means. Marriage is an institution that looks past the physical. It is an institution that communicates love and acceptance as a persons is. If my wife puts on 15-150 lbs you'd better believe that I'm going to love her just as much as I did when I first married her. I hope and pray that my marriage isn't so shallow to be put off by my wife if she gains some weight or doesn't "dress sexy". Plus the sexiest part of my wife is her personality. And aren't we told not to put stock into worldly things like looks and clothing? Again, I'm boggled by your remarks.

IMO, I believe that not doing things to please your spouse can equate not making an effort. You sounded disappointed that your wife didn't want to wear lingerie for you. I look at that as not making an effort. Forgive me for offending you so deeply. I do apologize.


Obviously physicality is not the only thing that holds a marriage together. I don't recall ever saying that. Nor did I ever say that my husband wouldn't love me or vice versa over a weight gain. However, he will NOT find me as attractive, nor would I find him as attractive if he were to put on weight. I realize I am going to be brutally attacked over that comment, so flame away. At least I'm being honest. And I don't feel that that makes my marriage shallow. I feel just the opposite. It gives my husband and I something to work at, so we can keep that fire burning between us. And while sex isn't everything, I certainly think it's SOMETHING--something that takes work and effort between a husband and a wife. Part of our lifestyle and marriage involves staying physically fit and attractive for each other. I'm sorry if that offends people.

As far as being thankful--yes, you should be thankful for your husband or wife, but you shouldn't have to beg or grovel for intimacy, and that's how I took your comment regarding being 'thankful' for her wearing lingerie. Yes, you should always be grateful for the effort that your husband or wife makes. And while I don't think he should take it for granted, the first poster has some level of expectation of his wife to wear intimate apparel. I've seen women who abuse their marital relationship and make their husbands feel like they "owe them" because they wear lingerie, or do other things. That is where my attitude about "thankfulness" comes from. Yes, always be thankful. But it should be a healthy thankful, and not a you-owe-me (or vice versa) thankful.

 

[slimfish]

First let me say thank you for the apology. The point I want to get across is that if a marriage is to last a lifetime it needs to have it's foundation built on something that has lasting power. I agree with you that effort needs to be put forth by both parties. And I agree that sexuality is an important factor in a marriage. However, and I'm not saying that you said or implied this, I would never want my wife to think that I wasn't attracted to her because she didn't feel like wearing lingerie, and that wouldn't be a reason for me to not be attracted to her.

Anyway, I appreciate your honesty in your above posts. Perhaps my post gave you the wrong impression of my wife. She is the most amazing person I know, minus Jesus of course, and she is the most attractive person I know as well. Physically she is a ten, but her most attractive feature is her personality,without a doubt.

Anyway this has been an interesting thread. I apologize if I have been to harsh in my rebuttle. You are as entitled to your opinion as I am to mine. Anyway, thanks for your posts. Godbless.

 

[Mom4Christ]

Whilepregnant, I pretty much "let myself go." I no longer did my makeup or my hair. I wore whatever would fit, usually his clothes. Now that our son is 2 months old, I have been pulling out the drawer filled with my lingerie. I can't wear it too long. (Babies don't take very long naps and always seem do wake up at the wrong moment) But I try to be beautiful and sexy for him. I know he is a visual creature and I feel a wife should so what she can to please her husband and vica versa.

 

[Flipper]

I've been married seven years. About two years ago my wife stopped wearing intimate apparel to bed. Now she just wears cotton boxers and a top (in warmer months) or a flannel nightgown (in the winter). I miss the idea that she was preparing herself for fun in bed.

Is this a common thing in marriage? If so, why?

I think any clothing in bed gets in the way of sleeping and otherwise. I also never saw the point of sexy nighties. They aren't going to be worn very long so that seems like a total waste of cloth.

Ok, ok, ok, seriously. Have you told her how you feel? Have you helped to create an atmosphere that might make her want to dress otherwise? Maybe your marriage just needs a bit of revitalizing. I highly recommend a weekend getaway with just the 2 of you. I've only been married 4 and find myself going about life at times in a boring unexciting way that I'm sure makes my husband long for when we were first married. Those weekend trips do help lots.

 

[_Rain_]

I guess we don't have this problem... I've never worn "intimate aparel" to bed... although I do tend to go "without" more often lately...

My peice of thought to this would be that maybe you two should plan a "special night" once a month...then maybe this will slowly get her back into the habit of this!

On this night; go ALL out! Dress up for dinner; or dress "down" for dinner... and have a picnic in the house!! Spare nothing to make each other feel wonderful