Intimacy with God

[Damia]

I was sexually abused when I was a preteen and again as a teenager and since then I have always had intimacy issues with people. I came to Christ about 5 years ago and I thought that I would be able to feel close to Him and get to know Him, but it is like there is nothing there... like I have a wall in between Him and me that I cannot seem to get rid of. Does anyone else have this issue? How does someone get past this? Is everyone else allowed to have a relationship with God but I cannot?

Damia

 

[IndomitableAmy]

I've been there, I think. At some point, I figured that I had built up my walls to such an extent that they didn't so much protect me as they did imprison me. I didn't feel kinship with much of anyone and didn't feel God, I guess it could be said.

Granted, yes, over the years I've gotten a lot better, I think.. now my boundaries aren't so much walls as they are semi-permeable membranes.. I decide what I allow in and what I don't. But I had to find some way to feel connected back then.

God's there. It's ok you can't feel him, but he's there. You are allowed to have a relationship with God, too. You do have a relationship with God whether you feel it or not. Maybe you can find that comfort somewhere.. When I was having this kind of trouble, I found it in nature. Granted, abuse was on-going at the time... I'd go outside in the morning and sometimes I'd look closely at the plants, see all the veins in the velvet of a flower petal.. and there I'd see God and find comfort. Sometimes I'd see wild animals.. as timid as I was. I'd get a smile there.. and know that there was God. And yes, I'd cry (and I shed tears remembering) but that was not a bad thing.

If you can, find somewhere or something that helps you feel connected more than you are comfortable with people, something that helps you know God.

I was a teenage during the worst of this.. and then going outside also provided.. an escape. I don't need an escape anymore, not like that, but I can still see God in flower petals and the intricacies of nature.. and I still like doing that sometimes. Maybe you can find something like that. Heh, I also wrote a poem back then.. God to one of his children, to one that can't feel him. I'll send it to you if you like. Very emotional for me, but yeah, it's a poem of a 16 year old.

I wish you peace.

 

[Johnnz]

We often can discover God in and through His people - their love,support, affirmation and especially safe, warm hugs. That helps to thaw the frozen parts of you.

Bless you
John
NZ

 

[unkern]

There will be many times when it feels like he's not there or listening, We all need to tear aways the veils that surround our heart, and this means one of the hardest things of all FORGIVENESS, we must forgive those that have done this harm to us.

Unforgiveness is like drinking poison and expecting someone else to die

 

[ConqueredbyLove]

Is everyone else allowed to have a relationship with God but I cannot?

Damia

I don't know if you are still here and reading. But my heart breaks for you...It truly does.

God soooo desires to have a relationship with you....You are so loved, dear soul!

It took me many years of studying Jesus and His ways with people in the gospels before I realized that He desires to have a deep, abiding relationship with me. Abused, neglected, betrayed....me. The one who thought she was worth nothing.

But, over the years, I have discovered I am worth everything to Him.

And, so are you....So are you, precious soul....

 

[ePeanut]

I struggle with this, as well, Damia--I, too, have been sexually abused and emotionally abused and neglected...so for me to have any kind of intimacy with God has been SO difficult! I have found that I need to just keep being real with Him and telling Him of my struggles (though He obviously knows!)...and trying to absorb the implications that, as Cherished By God said, that I worth everything to Him. It takes time, and patience and it's amazing the kind of growth we're making in Him, even when we don't realize it!

 

[blueskye]

We often can discover God in and through His people - their love,support, affirmation and especially safe, warm hugs. That helps to thaw the frozen parts of you.

Bless you
John
NZ

great advice to everyone here.