Interesting New Years

[DZoolander]

My wife and I years ago used to have this set of friends we'd hang out with sometimes. One couple was really more "our friends" and they had about 4 other married couples that were their neighbors that we got to know as well.

Well, we had our first kid about five years ago, and we pretty much dropped off the face of the earth so far as that group was concerned. There was no particular reason...we're just those kinds of people (my wife and I...lol). We got wrapped up with the first kid for a couple of years, then once we started getting in a place to start going out, the second one came along. So, five years later, now we're "kinda" ready to go out again.

So, we get an invitation from the original friends of ours to come over for NYE, and happily accept.

Apparently it's been a busy five years for those couples. 3 of them are now divorced, 1 of them is separated (but they think they might be able to work it out), and one of them served the other partner with divorce papers over an issue (but didn't carry through with it).

Five out of five.

That's just weird to me.

 

[johndoo]

Do you see a common trait?
Same occupations? Two income households or one or a mixed lot?
It is the divorce rate in your area higher in general?
Makes you wonder if these are people you should associate with.
You definitely need some stable older couples in your life to help be a positive influence.

 

[NothingIsImpossible]

Well in america divorce is so common that it doesn't surprise me. This is what happens when we leave God out of relationships and marry whomever we think is right. And then we decide what/when we should divorce instead of talking to God or reading His Word. My wife whos from asia can't believe how normal it is to divorce in america.

 

[DZoolander]

The common trait that I see - at least from my perspective - is I think they're all marginal (if not full blown) alcoholics suffering from arrested development. They're a very heavy drinking bunch.

I'm not a "temperance" type of person where I wince at people drinking. But, I'm not much more than a casual drinker, either. I'll buy a six pack of some type of ale every other week, and take that two weeks to finish it off. We had a bottle of Vodka we bought back in 2010 that was sitting in our fridge that a friend finished off a few months ago. Apparently she thought it would be a funny game to leave it in our fridge to see how long it would take until we noticed it was empty. About six months is what she said.

These people are the opposite. It's rare to go to a function with them that the majority aren't plastered or well on their way to being. Basically - they're upper middle class middle aged heavy drinkers. The industries they're in and whether or not it's a mixed income home goes across the board. Some are into things like real estate investing/development, some have working wives, some don't, some are in insurance, etc.

One of the things that also made me wince was I overheard one guy ask another one "Since you and so and so are on the outs, mind if I have a go at her?"

Now, I always disliked that guy the most...but I was like...wow. I'd smack you.

 

[Bluecheese]

I think people who drink a lot are crazy, a hangover must be most unpleasant, apart from the damage it does to one's liver!

I can honestly say I have never been drunk in my life. I enjoy alcohol in strict moderation.

 

[DZoolander]

I agree.

I did most of my "drinking" (meaning getting drunk) when I was a teenager and it was a rebellious thing to do. Once I was old enough to legally drink - I pretty much lost interest in it. I think the last time I was even tipsy was 2003...and that was the first time in a decade as well. lol

 

[Darkhorse]

Find some new friends - with young kids.

"Bad company corrupts good morals"

 

[sdmsanjose]

Getting together with by buddies of the past has evolved into, well, being buddies of the Past and staying in the past.

My buddies of the past were mostly partiers and drinkers as I was. Now that I have passed my 20s and 30s I have all my social needs met by my family and parties and drinking have no appeal for me. I guess that is one advantage of getting older.

I even stopped going to reunions because some of the people were just trying to relive the past and see if they could hook up with someone’ else’s spouse. In past reunions it was a lot of fun talking about the youthful days the first time or two but as I got older I found that many of my youthful thinking and actions did nothing that would be a positive for my future.

I am fairly content to have my family as my life. I am fortunate in that I have good relations with my wife, children, grandchildren, mother, and sister. We get together at least every week and often two or three times a week.

 

[heliumskylark]

I think routinely getting drunk increases the chances that you're going to routinely do or say stupid things that, over time, will erode your marriage. My husband and I have a 2-drink limit outside of each other's company - neither of us are big drinkers anyway so it's not difficult. Sometimes if we're out together we'll have enough drinks to get a bit merry, but still not to the point where we don't know what we're doing. It's just not worth the stupidity and arguments. We're both 30 and were commenting last night that our non-Christian friends have started saying "We're getting old - everyone we know is getting married!", but we look at our Christian friends - who got married earlier in general - and say "We're getting old - everyone we know is getting divorced!" :/ It's kind of depressing.

 

[DZoolander]

Agreed.

What also amazes me about the group is how incestuous it is. It reminds me of people I knew in HS - where people date each other's exes - except now they're in their 40's and sometimes 50's.

One of the people that had divorced has now remarried some other guy that tangentially was part of that group. Another one that was divorced is now dating someone else that was part of that group. That one guy asked the other "Since you two are on the outs, would you mind if I had a go at her?" etc.

6.5 billion people running around on this planet. Can't ya find someone that doesn't bring a bit of drama along with them due to circumstance? lol

 

[mkgal1]

Isn't that just a part of the arrested development (the picking new partners from the familiar group)? I heard a comedian comment on that one time: he said, "Now that's just lazy!".

I do believe you nailed the reason---that the divorces are largely due to the heavy drinking. From what I understand---it's impossible to have a genuine relationship with someone that is not even engaged (or even coherent) most of the time. I think it may take awhile (and a few true life crisis) for the reality to become clear (and the marriage to fall apart).