Inter-Faith Relationships

[Watari555]

That's probably a broad title for what I wanted to talk about. My girlfriend is a Christian and has been all her life, whilst I am an Athiest and have been for the last few years. We've been best friends for over two years and six months ago we both boiled over and pretty much simultaniously blurted out that we loved each other and had done the whole time. Anyway we got together and we're perfectly happy but sometimes I struggle with the relationship because of our faiths being polar opposites.

I have the utmost respect for her beliefs and all of the morals and codes attached to that and likewise she acknowledges the different viewpoint I have and respects that. We love each other for who we are and neither one of us wants to change the other. But there were moments early on when conversations got awkward because of past choices such as her being celibate and myself having had sex in a previous relationship. I was only too happy to be part of a celibate relationship (the idea of not having sex took a great deal of pressure off me that I had previously felt), and she was able to accept that I had made a different choice a full year before I'd ever met her.

Please don't interpret this as a troubled relationship because she really is my soulmate and once we're finished uni and out in the real world I'm going to ask her to marry me and I know in my heart of hearts that this relationship will work. What I want to know is are there any other couples out there of different beliefs? Anyone with an atheist partner or any atheists with a christian partner? I just want to talk about how those differences affect the relationship and also you as an individual.

Muchos thanks guys!

 

[IndomitableAmy]

There was a thread on this in LTR recently: The faith gap - atheist/Christian relationship You might want to check it out.

I'm a Christian in a relationship with an atheist.. and we're going on two years (but it's a LDR, too.. you might want to know that.)

About Christian-atheist relationships... I'd say it matters immensely what kind of Christian and what kind of atheist. Obviously it wouldn't work if either one was trying to convince the other or thought the other's beliefs regarding the supernatural was stupid. Also, I'd have a fair mind it wouldn't work too well if the Christian believed the atheist was going to hell. Not that I'm saying these effect you guys, but still.

So... what do you want to know about, more specifically?

 

[Watari555]

I don't know really, just what kind of problems other people have, what kind of issues I might expect to arise. That sort of thing!

 

[none the wiser]

Pantheist dating a Catholic here We had some problems at first, but it worked itself out. We place emphasis on the things we consider important, and they happen to be the same...so it's all good.

 

[IndomitableAmy]

Pantheist dating a Catholic here We had some problems at first, but it worked itself out. We place emphasis on the things we consider important, and they happen to be the same...so it's all good.

Isn't that the same for any relationship?

I think it's important that a couple has morals, values, and ethical stances in common.

 

[none the wiser]

Isn't that the same for any relationship?

I think it's important that a couple has morals, values, and ethical stances in common.

Yup, exactly. I think that's more important than being of the same religion.

 

[IndomitableAmy]

Yup, exactly. I think that's more important than being of the same religion.

It's more... solid, anyway. Two people of the same religion (any religion or lack of religion) can have such varied beliefs and moral stances.

 

[die2live]

I'll be the first to say that I think it's a bad idea. Of course, it's not my decision, it's between you and your girlfriend. But you came here asking for advice, so I guess I'll just throw mine out there.

I think it's very important to be on the same page spiritually. I think in the long run it will do a lot more harm than you can foresee now (just look in the unequally yoked section if you want proof of it). Granted, some relationships do work out, even in the long run. But I think those are the exception, not the norm.

I dated a Christian (I am also a Christian), and even we had problems because, although we were both Christians, we were at completely different levels of faith. I can only imagine how our problems would have compounded if we were of two completely different faiths. I'm not saying that you have to agree with every single little point (that would be quite impossible) but I think there are some issues that will (almost always) come between two people who try to share their lives together.

Salvation is a big one. We're not trying to judge anyone, but for Christians who believe the Bible, there's not really a whole lot of wiggle room. I can't imagine spending the rest of my life with someone who I believed I wouldn't spend eternity with.

The Great Commission is another big one. Christians are called to spread to the message of the Bible. No real wiggle room there either. It's really not biblical to just completely ignore someone else's faith or lack thereof, even in order to preserve peace. That's not to say that we should be constantly shoving the gospel down the throat of every non-believer we meet. But we shouldn't, according to the Bible, completely ignore it either, especially with someone as close as a spouse. Trying to put myself in an atheist's shoes, I wouldn't want to spend the rest of my life with someone who was commanded by God to never give up on witnessing to me.

Now, there are a lot of Christians who don't follow these commandments or don't believe what the Bible says about salvation. To be honest, I don't really understand what the point is of being a follower of Christ (which is what Christian means) and not follow the Bible, which is the bulk of what we have to understand Christ's teachings. But, anyway, different conversation. If your girlfriend is that kind of Christian, then it probably wouldn't cause as many problems as a relationship with a Bible-believing Christian would.

In my opinion, based on my study of the Bible, my experience and the experience of many others, I think it's a lot more complicated than most people think at this stage. There's more to marriage than love. I know that, as an atheist, you are not compelled by the biblical command not be unequally yoked, but you should know about the potential problems such a yoking can occur in the long run.

 

[eatenbylocusts]

I commend you for thinking about the future and how these differences will affect your relationship. If your gf is abstaining from sex because she is a Christian, then I tend to think that her religion is more than just a vague belief in a God somewhere out there. If she is trying to put God first in her life, yoking herself with an unbeliever is going to cause problems eventually. If she isn't feeling guilty already, she will. Does she go to church? She's going to want you to go with her, especially if there are children.

You say neither one of you wants to change the other, but that will change. Why would she not care if you're going to spend eternity separated from God? Certainly when she gets a bit older she will consider this more. I suggest you get a Bible out and ask her what 2Corinthians 6:14 means.

It sucks to fall in love with the wrong person speaking as one who just ended a relationship. As a Christian I would hope you would come to a saving knowledge of Jesus Christ and maybe you can get your gf on track and help her growth. You seem like an intelligent man.

 

[Watari555]

Thanks! I'm a former church goer myself (my father is an Anglican Vicar) and seperated from my belief because I found it harder and harder to ignore many arguements against the existence of God. I understand and respect the Christian faith because of my father which is what makes things work on my end. She goes to church when she's at home but not whilst we're at university. To be honest she's not what my brother refers to as a "hardcore" Christian, but the faith is a source of comfort and strength to her that led to her decision to abstain.

Before we got together, we were friends for over a year, during which time she took me to a local Alpha course at a nearby church, and we have been to a few services together (the only ones either of us have been to whilst at Uni, not counting when we visit home).

Your right about not wanting to change each other but it happening anyway. Since we got together I've quit smoking for her and I drink less to make her more comfortable in our group when we go out or meet at the pub. She's compramised for me too but it's a little harder to explain, it involves a pair of people who were (for want of a better word) stalking her. She tollerated it and just tried to keep them at arms distance but they started taking advantage of her good nature until I encouraged her to put her foot down and cut them off as much as possible for her own good.

Finally I'd like to address die2live, who raises a lot of valid arguements which I'll put my hands up and admit I hadn't considered so firstly thank you die2live for the contribution. I'd like to say I disagree but the point about salvation is one I can see appearing sooner or later and a bridge we're going to have to cross and I'll be ready for it because at the end of the day I love her and respect her and above all else I want her to be happy.

 

[allthatisgone]

Bad idea, brother.

Unless you're actively searching for God, back away from her. Though we should be giving this advice to her, not you. This is her responsibility as a Christian. Shes obviously not as strong a christian as you think if she's dating you when you're a non-believer. That isnt to insult her but to say it as it is.

Not to mean you shouldnt be around each other at all. Be friends. Let her help you on your journey towards God. But marriage is a union of souls. If she's a christian she should be within a Christian marriage which honours and serves God. She cannot do that with an athiest for a husband. Marriage is full of problems and if you dont see eye to eye on the important things in life, which is necessarily true if you have different worldviews, then you're gonna have many problems - probably even twice the amount of that of those with similar worldviews. You get me?

 

[allthatisgone]

Oh and I glanced at ur post above and see something about her compromising. Well it aint a big thing in that particular sitch but she's gonna be pulled into many compromises as a Christian with you, wont she. But if she doesnt care enough about her faith, it's her choice.