Intelligent women

[blackribbon]

Since we are asking a lot of relationship questions, I thought I'd throw one out there.

I never saw this when I was younger...but now that I'm older, it seems like intelligence in a woman is almost considered a negative characteristic.

My experience is very limited ... but both men I have 'dated' (used very loosely for one guy..we are more friends) since my husband died have seemed to distance themselves after figuring out that I can think for myself.

Guy #1...We dated for about a year. I was starting to get the feeling that he hated that I could hold a conversation on almost any topic he choose...helped him fix his broken ice maker...and I challenged him to think about things. It is not like we were ever on opposing sides, because we honestly thought a lot alike. He traded me in on a woman who has a job that rubs elbows with high profile people and wears expensive clothes (it turns out that she carries debt to match without the income to back it up). He drunk called me once and was basically complaining because she doesn't "think" and that she acted like he saved the world whenever he did something as stupid as turning a screw. Kept saying I was "smart" and "a good woman". Really?? I told him to go work it out with her.

Guy #2...mostly a friend but we did "go out" a couple times...It seemed that he want me to be bowled over by his IQ...problem is that when I was tested as a child, mine was within a point of his. This seemed to really freak him out...flat out argued that this wasn't possible (a bit insulting but I continued to talk to him). I liked talking to him because we don't agree on a lot of things and conversations with him exercised my reasoning skills. However, to this day, I can [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse]- him off with a single word because I was right (backed up by the dictionary of his choosing) and he was wrong. This was made worse because language is my weakness and one of his strengths. After I "won" this stupid argument, things changed. I don't bring it up very often...it is minor enough that it is stupid that it bothers him so much. I have no problem admitting when he "wins"...which he does as much as I do and maybe more.

I do compliment the men in my lives ... true honest compliments ... often things that no one else has bothered to recognize ... but I don't fawn all over them. Guy #1's new lady commented on his facebook page about his "boo face"...meaning he wasn't happy about something. Nope...I can't and won't do that. I can't babytalk to any grown intelligent man (I can't babytalk to a baby either)

Have I just bumped into the exceptions, or does it bother men to be with a woman who can hold her own in a conversation and ability? I'd say we were intellectually matched in both situations. Maybe a "stay-at-home" mom isn't suppose to be smart. If I was a working engineer, then they would have a "warning" that my brain does work. Married men who are not interested in dating seem to enjoy my company (totally platonic situations). My husband used to be proud that I could hold my own with his friends.

 

[blackribbon]

"bless and do not curse" = p i s s (not sure how that is a curse word ... and not sure what to use in its place) ....the "bless and do not curse" makes it sound like I'm saying something much worse and I don't believe that I curse very often...

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

I do think that men are intimidated by smart women. Even my husband used to get upset when I questioned him. To HIM, it was questioning his intelligence, but to my analytical mind, it was just trying to wrap my brain around why something would or would not work. But everytime I would question, he would get mad and say that I didn't "believe" him or that he was older so he was smarter (which doesn't make any sense really). I remember one time my FIL told me to go tell him that since he was older than me and smarter than me, then my FIL must be smarter than HIM because he was older than him. My FIL said he would know that wasn't true because my FIL only finished 8th grade and then he would laugh.
I think men want to be our "heros" and want/need their ego's stroked and sometimes that's why they choose younger women. That and the fact that there won't be any intelligent debates

 

[exitstageright]

I do think that men are intimidated by smart women. Even my husband used to get upset when I questioned him. To HIM, it was questioning his intelligence, but to my analytical mind, it was just trying to wrap my brain around why something would or would not work. But everytime I would question, he would get mad and say that I didn't "believe" him or that he was older so he was smarter (which doesn't make any sense really). I remember one time my FIL told me to go tell him that since he was older than me and smarter than me, then my FIL must be smarter than HIM because he was older than him. My FIL said he would know that wasn't true because my FIL only finished 8th grade and then he would laugh.
I think men want to be our "heros" and want/need their ego's stroked and sometimes that's why they choose younger women. That and the fact that there won't be any intelligent debates

I have said on many occassions that I find a smart,intelligent,woman,whom I can have a good conversation with,as HIGHLY desirable. Do you rember when I said that I only want to date a college educated woman? Someone who is on my intellectual level?

My first wife is a Clinical Laboratory Scientist as myself. We worked in the SAME hospital laboratory.

I have told women,whom I have met at some of the dances,including the one that I met at the last dance. She is a teacher. I said,"It is great meeting and talking to a smart,and an intelligent person,as yourself. It feels great.It is like taking a breath of fresh air." I always say that with meaning,and they are impressed everytime.

 

[blackribbon]

Is your first wife the dumb rich one from church?

Saying that you like an intelligent woman is very different from meaning it. And as far as your "line" that seemed complimentary when you said it...if she thought about it after getting home that night, she would realize that you really said "Most women are stupid". Not so complimentary...

The fact that you say that you said it "with meaning" tells me that you are not "real" at these events but rather an actor playing a part. It might impress for the moment, but when they get home these ladies may realize that they have been "played" and didn't even meet the real you. Major turnoff.

 

[blackribbon]

I have said on many occassions that I find a smart,intelligent,woman,whom I can have a good conversation with,as HIGHLY desirable. Do you rember when I said that I only want to date a college educated woman? Someone who is on my intellectual level?

To date, I require a man that is at least my intellectual equal. I know that I'd have a really hard time letting a man who isn't as smart as me be the head of my family as a good Christian wife is supposed to do.

However, I don't have a college degree as a requirement...that piece of paper doesn't measure intelligence beyond book smarts. I think among the friends that I stand most in awe of, there isn't a single college level degree. They still know more than I will ever know.

Okay...there is one stay-at-home homeschool mom that I loved to be around...she has a law degree...and finished it barely in time to give birth to her second daughter. She is amazing...but like so many brilliant college educated people, sometimes she lacks some common sense.

 

[7angels]

i like intelligent people even though i myself am not very smart intellectually. i like talking about the bible in particular but most smart people try and talk way above my head and and make me feel uneducated. it is hard to find people that will talk to you instead of trying to show you how smart they are. all they really do is is show their ignorance. but this does not really surprise me because in this day and age most people like to gloat about how much better they are than another whether that is through intelligence, strength or whatever. most people feel intimidated by people who are bigger and better then they are or can do something they cannot. it is not until we figure out who we are individually that we can look upon ourselves as equal no matter who it is we are with. with men the problem is even worse then with women when it comes to gloating and being opinionated. with women it is no different but with them they are more subtle. with most women the men need to be observant because pride in women come out with a look or gesture or in some other fashion instead of their mouths most times.

until we are know who we are in Christ and the value we each have and then exercise those rights then we are only playing a part. we let people use us or we use them. for everyone has value and we all need to accept that and act accordingly. the sad thing is most people do not know their own value and so get taken advantage of and used. this is why so few relationships actually fail. people play a part because it is expected of them and when circumstances change and cause one or the other to change this causes strife. and with strife comes every evil thing. it starts with criticism then becomes contempt which leads to defensiveness and eventually it will shut out the the partner in the relationship. which is why we need to be ourselves and have good communication.

sorry but relationships are a serious thing to me and it saddens me hat people take them for granted.

God bless you all.

 

[blackribbon]

7angels...I think you are the kind of "smart" guy that I like to hang around. People who think about things and notice other people.

I agree with your observation that people often get "intellectual" with their word choices when their intelligence gets challenged. I am like you. I want to learn but don't make me feel stupid when you are educating me. It takes more God-given intelligence (in contrast to book learning) to take a difficult concept and put it in words that anyone can understand. Unless you are performing neurosurgery or repairing some complex computer system, the professional words are probably not necessary.

I've mostly given up talking about the Bible to anyone. Any time I take a stand that goes against the popular viewpoint, my Christian walk gets questioned. I always have plenty of reasons (and Biblical examples) for what I believe, but no one is ever open to even "fixing" the errors in my reasoning. If I bring it up, I am willing to discuss it and even "be wrong"...but not without solid reasoning and Biblical support.

 

[Javanwarbler]

How about emotional IQ vs intellectual IQ?

There actually are tests (at least one) that measure emotional IQ. There can be people who have a really high intellectual IQ but a very low emotional one. and sometimes this 'emotional IQ' gets so much in the way as to make the person look really dumb even if their other IQ is extremely high.
Then there is the opposite of course.

 

[blackribbon]

Okay..first, I studied this in psychology class last summer but I needed to look it up before I commented on it.

For anyone who doesn't know what this is: emotional IQ is the ability to perceive, use, understand, and manage emotions.

My personal belief is that emotional IQ (to a point) can be taught to most people...a few people...mostly those on either extreme of the IQ spectrum, may not have the ability to change their EQ very much. Some people are born with it.

IQ (intelligence) on the other hand is supposed to be a measure of our ability to learn which is different from how much knowledge we have stuffed into our heads. So it is something we are born with. (However, I'm not so sure that this test is really a good measure because it is completely based on a traditional American/European lifestyle).

However, you may have a good point here. My brother is a typical Asperger's personality (they are not good at recognize things like sarcasm or facial cues)...he only understand what HE feels. He has an IQ pushing genius but a low EQ. He seems like an idiot a lot of the time. He knows a lot about a lot of things...but he lacks a lot of common sense...and he talks about what he wants to talk about instead of joining in on the conversation at hand.

I think that maybe as Christians, increasing our EQ's would help our Christian walk. It is what helps us cope when terrible things happen. It is what allows us to notice when a person's eyes are crying even when there is a plastic smile on their face. It what makes us understand that an unruly boy might be having an issue that needs to be addressed instead of being defiant.

Maybe that is what is so scary about me. I think I tend to be above average at reading emotions. With the guy #1, I could put his feelings into words. He acknowledged I was usually correct, but maybe it kind of like walking around emotionally naked...not comfortable for most men...especially when you are used to no one noticing.

Guy #2 ... well, I could read a lot of his emotions ... but I never pointed them out ... just used what I perceived to help him walk through some of his life issues ...

Hmmm...something to think about....

 

[dayhiker]

Alright an other interesting thread.

I have no problem with smart women. The 2 GFs I've had since my divorce were both smart. We had great discussions.

My ex wife was smart in that she could read a book and remember things so well that on a test she would get almost 100. She graduated 4th in her HS class. She liked answers. She liked thing blank and white straight forward. But she didn't like things to be grey where you had to think thru what the answer/right was in that situation.

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

I think you might be on to something blackribbon

 

[dayhiker]

Now I thought that Exit's line was very good, meaningful and a compliment.

But I get responses like your blank all the time. Like I'm insulting someone. To which I ask, what did I say negative about someone. Well, of course I said nothing negative, yet I susposidly (I have no clue how to spell that word) insulted someone. Well, I just figure that's their problem, as I can't figure out how to say it any other way. Probably its that men are from Mars women from Venus thing again.

I have no problem with the way women speak, so they shouldn't have any problem with the say I speak. If women want me to talk like a woman, then the should talk like a man to me .... Its only fair!

Saying that you like an intelligent woman is very different from meaning it. And as far as your "line" that seemed complimentary when you said it...if she thought about it after getting home that night, she would realize that you really said "Most women are stupid". Not so complimentary...

The fact that you say that you said it "with meaning" tells me that you are not "real" at these events but rather an actor playing a part. It might impress for the moment, but when they get home these ladies may realize that they have been "played" and didn't even meet the real you. Major turnoff.

 

[exitstageright]

Is your first wife the dumb rich one from church?

Saying that you like an intelligent woman is very different from meaning it. And as far as your "line" that seemed complimentary when you said it...if she thought about it after getting home that night, she would realize that you really said "Most women are stupid". Not so complimentary...

The fact that you say that you said it "with meaning" tells me that you are not "real" at these events but rather an actor playing a part. It might impress for the moment, but when they get home these ladies may realize that they have been "played" and didn't even meet the real you. Major turnoff.

NO. my first wife is a smart,itellingent Clinical Laboratory Scientist that worked the night shift with me.
My second wife is the "dumb rich one" that I met at my church.

I was not saying,NOR was I impling that "most women are stupid" Why,why,do you take things that I say out of context?
This reminds me of that question,that goes like this.

"If a man is all alone in the woods,with no women around,when he starts to talk,does he STILL say something WRONG?"

 

[exitstageright]

To date, I require a man that is at least my intellectual equal. I know that I'd have a really hard time letting a man who isn't as smart as me be the head of my family as a good Christian wife is supposed to do.

However, I don't have a college degree as a requirement...that piece of paper doesn't measure intelligence beyond book smarts. I think among the friends that I stand most in awe of, there isn't a single college level degree. They still know more than I will ever know.

Okay...there is one stay-at-home homeschool mom that I loved to be around...she has a law degree...and finished it barely in time to give birth to her second daughter. She is amazing...but like so many brilliant college educated people, sometimes she lacks some common sense.

Yes, I agree that one does not have to have a college degree to be intelligent. My father,for example,was a Deacon in our church. He was intelligent. He was a Sunday School Teacher that knew the Bible well. When I grew up,my father and I had,good,and interesting talks about scripture. Oh yes,my father,born on 9/19/1919,had only an eight grade education. He streesed education. When I came home from elementary school,BEFORE I could watch my favorite TV show,"The Three Stoodges",my father would check my homework. I thank GOD that I had a father that cared about education. I just wish that he had taught me about girls and women.

 

[blackribbon]

Exit...I typed a really long answer but my computer ate it. Honestly, I am not trying to frustrate you but rather trying to teach you how a woman thinks. It probably doesn't and won't ever seem logical to you, but it is important for you to understand so that you can find a lovely woman who really will love you ... really love you ... and someday sit on some widows board missing your stinky socks that never made it to the hamper and even your farts.

I will type again later.

 

[exitstageright]

Exit...I typed a really long answer but my computer ate it. Honestly, I am not trying to frustrate you but rather trying to teach you how a woman thinks. It probably doesn't and won't ever seem logical to you, but it is important for you to understand so that you can find a lovely woman who really will love you ... really love you ... and someday sit on some widows board missing your stinky socks that never made it to the hamper and even your farts.

I will type again later.

Well.FYI, I ALWAYS put my dirty clothes in my dirty clothes hamper. I am not your typical man. Even when I was married twice,I did my own laundry and my own ironing. My mother taught me to be self-sufficient. Iknow how to cook,alsne time,a guest came to my apartment.She noticed how CLEAN it was. She told me,"You do not NEED a woman!"

 

[blackribbon]

Exit, honey...all I was saying is that I wish the kind of happiness on you that if you are the first to die, your spouse even misses your most annoying habits...whatever they may be.

 

[exitstageright]

Now I thought that Exit's line was very good, meaningful and a compliment.

But I get responses like your blank all the time. Like I'm insulting someone. To which I ask, what did I say negative about someone. Well, of course I said nothing negative, yet I susposidly (I have no clue how to spell that word) insulted someone. Well, I just figure that's their problem, as I can't figure out how to say it any other way. Probably its that men are from Mars women from Venus thing again.

I have no problem with the way women speak, so they shouldn't have any problem with the say I speak. If women want me to talk like a woman, then the should talk like a man to me .... Its only fair!

AMEN!,brother,and a triple AMEN!!!

 

[blackribbon]

Lesson 1: I am not twisting your words...I am just showing you how a woman's mind twists them. Women analyze everything that happens on a date or a meeting like a dance. If they meet someone they like or connect to, when they get home they will daydream and re-live everything that happened. At this point, your teacher might bask in the compliment about being intelligent and a breath of fresh air...however as she thinks about this and tries to decide if you meant it or you were feeding her a line...she might wonder if she really is more intelligent than most....then think about her fellow teachers who are just as intelligent as she is...and then she will either start to feel like maybe you were feeding her a line...or worse, maybe your attitude toward women in general is that most woman aren't intelligent (since she doesn't necessarily believe she is that special)...and then she will think about her life and realize that most of her friends are women...and does she really want to spend time with someone who doesn't like her friends?...and you're toast because she isn't interested any more....

Maybe the Teacher won't actually feel this way and she might still be interested...I don't know this PARTICULAR woman...I am just generalizing to "teach" you what could go wrong with this particular scenerio.

Now, I realize that this isn't logically to you or many of the men here...but I'm am telling you HOW the female mind works ... (don't shoot the messenger).

I have more...but l have an errand to run.