*Insert Fantastic Title Here*

[AuburnMeg]

People always say that you shouldn't change yourself for someone else. What if those changes are good changes though?

For instance:

You've never been big on fitness and diet, but you start dating someone who is and begin to make healthier changes.

Or...

You've always been the "go, go, go" (always stressed) type and you find yourself relaxing more often because the person you're dating is so laid-back.

Both of those changes are positive changes. Does the problem lie with the motivation behind the change? Or when people say that you shouldn't change yourself, do they only refer to the negative changes?

That's what I woke up thinking about this morning. My brain needs to calm down. I'm pretty sure I should have been thinking about Cheerios or something.

 

[mina]

Anyone important in your life is going to change you. But, if the changes are more good than anything else, then i think their presence encourages you to be your best. The right person helps make you better and you them, I believe.
If they pull you down and bring out the negative or harmful in your life then I don't think they are good to be with.

 

[Amber.ly]

I've always thought that the best relationships were the ones that the couple balances each other out and (as corny as this sounds) they are better off for knowing each other. The same with friends.

 

[Revived]

Anyone important in your life is going to change you. But, if the changes are more good than anything else, then i think their presence encourages you to be your best. The right person helps make you better and you them, I believe.
If they pull you down and bring out the negative or harmful in your life then I don't think they are good to be with.

I've always thought that the best relationships were the ones that the couple balances each other out and (as corny as this sounds) they are better off for knowing each other. The same with friends.

I fully agree with Mina and Amber. Also, I believe any relationship in which both individuals have a spirit of giving can succeed because this spirit manifests itself as a love that embraces and looks through the eyes of others ... an understanding so complete that you feel as if you are a part of the other person, accepting the other person just the way they are without a inclination to change or to fit them into your own ideals.

 

[Kevin_Wright]

Good point.

 

[Inkachu]

IMHO, what matters is whether or not the changes are from within you. If you're making a change (even if it's positive) in order to please someone else, it's not genuine, and most likely it won't last.

 

[Keri]

People always say that you shouldn't change yourself for someone else. What if those changes are good changes though?

For instance:

You've never been big on fitness and diet, but you start dating someone who is and begin to make healthier changes.

Or...

You've always been the "go, go, go" (always stressed) type and you find yourself relaxing more often because the person you're dating is so laid-back.

Both of those changes are positive changes. Does the problem lie with the motivation behind the change? Or when people say that you shouldn't change yourself, do they only refer to the negative changes?

That's what I woke up thinking about this morning. My brain needs to calm down. I'm pretty sure I should have been thinking about Cheerios or something.

I think it's ok to make changes as long as you're doing them for yourself as well. If you're dating someone and you have the desire to get in shape, and your SO encourages you to, then that change is for both of you, it's ok. If you love to sing, or are passionate about something, and it gets on their nerves and they tell you to stop singing or not like something, then that is not something that you are doing for yourself. They have selfish intentions and this kind of change is bad...

 

[white dove]

I agree with Mina, Psm and Revived.


I think to change for someone is often spoken of in a negative way because most often, we're talking about before any real relationship is established and those are oftentimes things that are superficial and don't justify the end-result. Also, I think people tend to refer to abusive relationships where changing is most definitely not a good thing. But good changes are good. And I do think the right people for us to surround ourselves with (in general, not even romantically) are people who will encourage the best in us, to change in positive ways if need be and we would do the very same for them.

 

[Rhye]

I think real change happens slowly over time. Both, people change throughout the relationship and neither push the other to change in anyway point blank.

Change can be an extremely beautiful thing when two people come together. Its like when you walk a mile each day. Just to walk, to feel the fresh air, or have company alone to talk with, and then one day you wake up and look in the mirror, and go, "wow, I really look and feel great today." All you did was walk a mile, but it was slow, and you had a great time doing it, and something good came out of it.

Thats how I see it as. Doing small things that lead to great things, where its a relationship with the opposite sex, or friends, or God.

A constant, and something to embrace.
I hope this makes sense.

 

[Blank123]

i think if a person is important in your life then they will influence you and the choices you make for your life. And if its a good relationship then those influences *should* be positive.

I think what is important to watch out for is people who demand that we change our lives to fit them better. If there's a controlling aspect to the influence that person has in your life - thats not good. and if its something you have to force - thats not good either. those changes should come naturally and gradually just like any other type of growth a person goes through in their personal lives outside of a romantic relationship.

 

[kevlite2020]

People always say that you shouldn't change yourself for someone else. What if those changes are good changes though?

For instance:

You've never been big on fitness and diet, but you start dating someone who is and begin to make healthier changes.

Or...

You've always been the "go, go, go" (always stressed) type and you find yourself relaxing more often because the person you're dating is so laid-back.

Both of those changes are positive changes. Does the problem lie with the motivation behind the change? Or when people say that you shouldn't change yourself, do they only refer to the negative changes?

That's what I woke up thinking about this morning. My brain needs to calm down. I'm pretty sure I should have been thinking about Cheerios or something.

I totally agree with that statement. You should never change for someone else. Now if someone else motivates you to change, that's awesome! But do it for you.

For instance, if you want to work out because you want to look your absolute best for so and so, if that person ends up out of your life, you aren't going to keep it up. If you want to work out on the other hand to be healthy and for self-confidence with your looks, then that's awesome and impressing that so and so is a great perk! But if that person gets out of your life in that situation, you still have that drive and motivation to do what's good for you