Insecurity for this minority

[ewindsor]

Hello! I'm currently in an interracial relationship, whereas I'm Asian and she's African-American. I don't think that really affects this question, but I just thought I'd add it in.

My question is... what can I do to be more trusting of my girlfirend? It seems every time I think about her, something always comes with it that makes me think she's cheating on me. Now, you have to understand - this girl is a virgin, she's one awesome woman of God, and clearly there is no logical evidence for me to even suspect her of cheating on me. But when it comes to other guys I'm very insecure, so that my play a part in it, because she does have a good amount of guy-friends (we both hang out with the same crowd, at least here on campus, so we share some friends.) But man, I just want to know how I can trust her more, and not have this inner paranoia going on, and have it ruin conversations we have because I have to bring this up again and again. I mean for-real, this relationship is something great - she helps me out with tons of issues I have with my life, and I help her out with issues that she's dealing with, but man, why am I so untrusting??? Is there scripture that says "trust your wife"? I really want to trust her but I don't know how. Please help. Thanks! And also, if you don't reply or even if you do, please pray for me! Thank you

--Elijah--

 

[ebd]

Hi Elijah:

I can't think of any verses off the top of my head about trusting your wife/girlfriend...but there are lots of verses about trusting God (i.e. Proverbs 3:5-6). I think that for starters, you might have to trust God and place her in the hands of God for now while you continue getting to know her.

I was thinking that you might want to consider a couple of things.

First, have you and your girlfriend talked about clear boundaries in your relationship? It sounds as if you might have, but if you haven't, perhaps this would be a good time to talk with her about them, and how these boundaries would change as your relationship progresses. A couple of books to look into would be "Boundaries" by John Townsend and Henry Cloud. They also wrote "Boundaries in Dating". I think that you might want to start with the second book, if you're interested in reading about it.

I'm also in an inter-racial relationship...so at times, my boyfriend and I talked about boundary issues...about what our relationships with others of the opposite sex would look like. If you and your girlfriend are still at an early place in your relationship, I think that you can expect that there will be others who she will want to hang out with who are of the opposite sex, because she may have been friends with them for a long time. As your relationship with her progresses (and if marriage becomes a possibility), I think that you can talk about how things will change and what those boundaries will look like then. I did that with my boyfriend...we know that if we get to that point,
that our relationships with people of the opposite sex will look a lot different than it does now.

You might also want to think a little bit more about how special you are. Your girlfriend, from what you say, sounds like a great person...and she seems to think that you're something special too. I found one thing to be helpful...to meditate on Scripture about what God says about us...about us being children of God. I know that it's obvious that we are special to God...but sometimes, I think that we need to be reminded about it a lot more often so that it really sinks into our bones.

Anyways, God bless!

ebd

 

[IslandBreeze]

Hello! I'm currently in an interracial relationship, whereas I'm Asian and she's African-American. I don't think that really affects this question, but I just thought I'd add it in.

Forgive me for being blunt, but I think it DOES affect the question. Look at the title of the thread, and the very first thing you started out saying. You're talking about your race, so it's obviously an issue for you. Maybe your insecurities and issues stem from you possibly not being secure with the fact that you're in an inter-racial relationship. Or maybe I'm just reading into it too much, but I hope that gives you some food for thought.

 

[desi]

I've heard rumors about size concerning men of different races which is the only thing I can think of why you, an asian fellow, would feel odd about your relationship with a black woman. If she is as great as you think she is marry her and be done with it. Otherwise recognize you have no hold on her as a friend. As far as trusting your wife, that is something you should have prior to marriage. Unless she has given you reason to think she's a liar/dishonest you should trust her. By being suspicious without evidence you might scare her away, so stop that!

 

[ewindsor]

Yes, I need an answer. I need to focus on the solution rather than the problem. Jesus is here for me - I just need to take heed and listen to what mission it takes for Him to take me through transition. It's like man really, I was insecure today cuz she was laughing and having a good chat with a guy in cell group, and the whole you know, smacking the leg, poking the arm, kind of got to me, cuz I guess I'm just that type who gets bothered by stuff like that, yet at the same time I do the same thing with my female friends. Agghghh, I just need to be free of this man. This insecurity - I feel like I'm the only person who should get to know her. I am possessive and man, I hate it. I HATE IT!!! Ahhhh!!! I wanna die to this mess and live with love for Christ and love her through it and seriously want her to have healthy relationships with both sexes, but man I'm so possessive it's stressing me out. HELP! Okay thanks for all the replies, just thought I'd let it out.

--Elijah--