insane family

[Jacque_Pierre22]

I'm not sure if this is the right area but need to vent. I did not grow up in a normal household . my mother would always bang pots and pans, my dad would always yell and scream. neither taught me anything. I grew up very reserved and shy, and am untrustful and shy to this day (speaking at all would result in me getting yelled at). But the point of this is that I don't lash out like my parents by yelling or banging pots and pans. I've trained my mind to have no reaction anything : a christmas present, or good news or bad news, my face is blank because I've had to conceal my thoughts as a defense mechanism

 

[SavedByGrace3]

Psalms 23:3 KJV
3. He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake.

 

[Gentle Lamb]

You sound traumatized. Sounds like Childhood Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Jesus is our Healer. Please focus on Him, He loves you so so much!!! Read the Scriptures to discover His love. Someone said it this way, As we read the Bible, God is reading our hearts. He will heal and restore you as you allow Him to work on you as you daily read His word and pray and seek to know Him better.

In terms of some helpful resources, may I suggest a few things that helped me recover, along with my reading of the Word?

Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving: A Guide and Map for Recovering from Childhood Trauma ​

by Pete Walker

Try to also look on YouTube and search for "CPTSD healing" and "narcissistic abuse healing" and look for the teachers that resonate with you and then you can follow along with their videos to help you heal.



I also took the initiative of opening my Bible to a scripture that addressed my particular situation that was on my heart and asking me to counsel me on that issue by His Holy Spirit. Some answers took years for Him to work through and show me. In one instance, He showed me that people from a church fellowship that had rejected me and that I was hung up on, truly did not care about me. When I finally realized that, and realized that it is because they are just sinners, like everybody else, it helped me to stop blaming myself, and to stop taking it so personally, and to heal and move on. God can do the same for you, if you allow Him.

 

[Gentle Lamb]

My family was crazy too and I was emotionally numb. I had no hope for a better future with my parents. However, lately, God has been working in a way I couldn't have expected. God will help you and your family as well. God bless you.

 

[Unqualified]

Smile…. Look mad………. Look within in every changing situation….. ask yourself, what am I feeling? What am I thinking, what are people doing around me….. what is my reaction
are they smiling? Do I feel joy or nice or cold. Are they warm to you? Are you grateful?

 

[Jacque_Pierre22]

Smile…. Look mad………. Look within in every changing situation….. ask yourself, what am I feeling? What am I thinking, what are people doing around me….. what is my reaction
are they smiling? Do I feel joy or nice or cold. Are they warm to you? Are you grateful?

You don't understand!! I need serious help! I came home from a haircut today. My mom said she would change my bed, she doesn't remember if she put the pillow that was by my feet by my head and vice versa and there are only 2 pillows.She yelled and screamed at me because she didn't know which was which!!! She must have alzheimers. Then she threw both of them on the floor and refused to wash them!! Then after much pleading she finally agrees to wash them but who knows if they'll be clean. I can't learn how to use the laundry machine because she yells at me and won't tell me how to do it, even standing near here is a problem so I cant learn by observation, I have to leave the room when she uses the laundry machine, and there are also only puffy pillows and I need the one flat one. So she's mad I don't know how to do anything but won't explain to me how, and my dad doesn't talk to me except yell and threaten me. That's what I mean, and I have no one to help me or ask anything. I am completely useless and don't know anything because of them. This could go into the manual of how someone grows up to be a useless no nothing like myself.

 

[Jacque_Pierre22]

You don't understand!! I need serious help! I came home from a haircut today. My mom said she would change my bed, she doesn't remember if she put the pillow that was by my feet by my head and vice versa and there are only 2 pillows.She yelled and screamed at me because she didn't know which was which!!! She must have alzheimers. Then she threw both of them on the floor and refused to wash them!! Then after much pleading she finally agrees to wash them but who knows if they'll be clean. I can't learn how to use the laundry machine because she yells at me and won't tell me how to do it, and there are also only puffy pillows and I need the one flat one. So she's mad I don't know how to do anything but won't explain to me how, and my dad doesn't talk to me except yell and threaten me. That's what I mean, and I have no one to help me or ask anything. I am completely useless and don't know anything because of them.

if someone could explain to me how to cope or deal with this . She also doesn't know how to properly use a computer or phone and is constantly banging on the table and slamming pots and pans all night (she refuses help from me even though Im good with those). I'm doing my best to become independent but haven't succeeded yet. My dad doesn't know either but she does the washing for all of us and only would yell and get mad at me anyway.

 

[Jacque_Pierre22]

You sound traumatized. Sounds like Childhood Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Jesus is our Healer. Please focus on Him, He loves you so so much!!! Read the Scriptures to discover His love. Someone said it this way, As we read the Bible, God is reading our hearts. He will heal and restore you as you allow Him to work on you as you daily read His word and pray and seek to know Him better.

In terms of some helpful resources, may I suggest a few things that helped me recover, along with my reading of the Word?

Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving: A Guide and Map for Recovering from Childhood Trauma​

by Pete Walker

Try to also look on YouTube and search for "CPTSD healing" and "narcissistic abuse healing" and look for the teachers that resonate with you and then you can follow along with their videos to help you heal.



I also took the initiative of opening my Bible to a scripture that addressed my particular situation that was on my heart and asking me to counsel me on that issue by His Holy Spirit. Some answers took years for Him to work through and show me. In one instance, He showed me that people from a church fellowship that had rejected me and that I was hung up on, truly did not care about me. When I finally realized that, and realized that it is because they are just sinners, like everybody else, it helped me to stop blaming myself, and to stop taking it so personally, and to heal and move on. God can do the same for you, if you allow Him.

please help me . see my last post; also I got nervous and freaked out because she was yelling so I stupidly didn't deduced that the flat pillow was in the right place by my head not my feet because it was less puffy than the other pillow but now they are both in the wash. and there is only one really flat pillow that I need of course. I'm so stupid but its the yelling that disorents me too

 

[Unqualified]

If you had the Holy Spirit you would try to be patient, love them and be orderly

 

[tturt]

Perhaps tell her that you love her even when she doesn't make up your bed correctly. Maybe her behavior
is her way of being heard? She may realize those areas where she is behind in things and is extremely frustrated - even more than you.

Have to remind myself: "A soft answer turneth away wrath..." Proverbs

 

[Gentle Lamb]

please help me . see my last post; also I got nervous and freaked out because she was yelling so I stupidly didn't deduced that the flat pillow was in the right place by my head not my feet because it was less puffy than the other pillow but now they are both in the wash. and there is only one really flat pillow that I need of course. I'm so stupid but its the yelling that disorents me too

Is it possible you can get earplugs to help reduce the noise of the banging of the pots and pans? As for the yelling... Yes, a gentle answer does turn away anger. I would say pray and ask God for wisdom on how to talk to your mom. God can give you wisdom and insight by the power of the Holy Spirit to help you know what is going on. When she begins yelling, lower your voice and even speak to her in a whisper to try to see if that will force her level to come down and match yours. And I would also try to learn about emotional literacy so that your emotions will not be deadened but come back to life because God created your emotions so that you can experience joy and peace etc.

 

[SeventhFisherofMen]

I'm not sure if this is the right area but need to vent. I did not grow up in a normal household . my mother would always bang pots and pans, my dad would always yell and scream. neither taught me anything. I grew up very reserved and shy, and am untrustful and shy to this day (speaking at all would result in me getting yelled at). But the point of this is that I don't lash out like my parents by yelling or banging pots and pans. I've trained my mind to have no reaction anything : a christmas present, or good news or bad news, my face is blank because I've had to conceal my thoughts as a defense mechanism

this sounds horrible man, get out if you can rent a place with a friend just leave that life behind start new and realize while people are flawed that is beyond unusual, just get out and don't look back i'm so sorry you have to deal with this is there anyone you know that can help you out? also pm me if you wanna talk more about this i check my messages obsessively lol (gotta find a silver lining in being an obsessive personality lol)

 

[tturt]

Every family has problems. Learning to get along with others is vital. What better place to examine oneself.

 

[RileyG]

Have you considered counseling or talking with a minister?

 

[Jacque_Pierre22]

this sounds horrible man, get out if you can rent a place with a friend just leave that life behind start new and realize while people are flawed that is beyond unusual, just get out and don't look back i'm so sorry you have to deal with this is there anyone you know that can help you out? also pm me if you wanna talk more about this i check my messages obsessively lol (gotta find a silver lining in being an obsessive personality lol)

yea your one of the few who gets it , I definitely have childhood trauma disorder. I'm not blaming myself for it. It is an abundantly clear call that their very crazy difficult people, not an iffy situation like a foot on the 3 point line that others try to say I need to question reality and get therapy/pastoral talk which I have done btw in the past. problem is they often act the same, doubting and belittling what I say and playing mind games with me as if I'm deluded. most people have a hard time believing because they don't have crazy parents and were raised into normal families. and no I'm totally isolated right now, still about a year or so away from having enough money to start a new life somewhere with skyrocketing prices of condos and houses everywhere etc; renting is a unknown too because I'm self employed not 9 to 5 so it's still hard to rent until I make a giant tranche of cash to show them. And even so if I do have like 100k in a year of savings, I might just live somewhere else like Cyprus, away since I can't afford to buy anyway, at least getting away from here while I try to save up for the avg 300k house, which in 5 years will probably be 500k because of never ending inflation. Unlike China, America's housing crisis will stay the same because we're gonna see a situation like Egypt and other countries where it's a rarity to own houses and everyone rents. I've already thought a ton about the ideal place to be and it's not good, no matter what because either the time zone is bad or there's no public transit, etc, so I don't know, maybe Kansas lol.

 

[Jacque_Pierre22]

this sounds horrible man, get out if you can rent a place with a friend just leave that life behind start new and realize while people are flawed that is beyond unusual, just get out and don't look back i'm so sorry you have to deal with this is there anyone you know that can help you out? also pm me if you wanna talk more about this i check my messages obsessively lol (gotta find a silver lining in being an obsessive personality lol)

thanks. I wish I could honestly but the situation is too weird to describe. I try to just focus on working so I can move but things keep going wrong, and it's taking too long. Honestly, I don't know what to say. She hasn't been diagnosed with dementia or anything but her cognitive abiliity declines a lot after about 6pm, and she is irritable and usually crying about something every other day when she's done banging pots and pans and using metal to scrape out food rather than using a spatula. the only time she's nice to me is when she needs help doing basic things any millenial can do on a computer

 

[SeventhFisherofMen]

thanks. I wish I could honestly but the situation is too weird to describe. I try to just focus on working so I can move but things keep going wrong, and it's taking too long. Honestly, I don't know what to say. She hasn't been diagnosed with dementia or anything but her cognitive abiliity declines a lot after about 6pm, and she is irritable and usually crying about something every other day when she's done banging pots and pans and using metal to scrape out food rather than using a spatula. the only time she's nice to me is when she needs help doing basic things any millenial can do on a computer

dude i just realized you messaged in June sorry i didn't respond! I just want you to know Jesus is with you always and you are never alone. Practice knowing Jesus is with you always no matter what. Also just keep trying and praying and be aware of where Jesus is leading you, you will know when Jesus is leading you to leave and in the mean time keep your eyes open and ears perked and senses intuned there will be a day that Jesus gives you that golden ticket to get out

 

[Gentle Lamb]

thanks. I wish I could honestly but the situation is too weird to describe. I try to just focus on working so I can move but things keep going wrong, and it's taking too long. Honestly, I don't know what to say. She hasn't been diagnosed with dementia or anything but her cognitive abiliity declines a lot after about 6pm, and she is irritable and usually crying about something every other day when she's done banging pots and pans and using metal to scrape out food rather than using a spatula. the only time she's nice to me is when she needs help doing basic things any millenial can do on a computer

Is your mom on medication? If she declines around the same time everyday is it possibly the effect of medication or maybe is she completely sleep deprived by that time? Keep working hard to get out of there and keep praying, God will help you to get through and out of this situation.

 

[Jacque_Pierre22]

Is your mom on medication? If she declines around the same time everyday is it possibly the effect of medication or maybe is she completely sleep deprived by that time? Keep working hard to get out of there and keep praying, God will help you to get through and out of this situation.

lol no she's anti- doctors

 

[Gentle Lamb]

Oh wow.... That probably explains everything. She probably hasn't been checked out in years and God only knows what health problems she may be suffering from! I would say try to treat her as though she is very ill in order to help you have more compassion on her and also so you won't be blaming yourself for what she is doing to you. What about your faith life, are you reading your Bible everyday? Are you following a Bible reading plan? A daily devotional like Our Daily Bread could be good for you to follow, they have very relatable daily devotions.