indie fans - a favor.

[iamtheproblem]

I have written some lyrics for criticisim/critique and no one in the "songwriting" forum has bothered to say anything about them.

I think of myself as at least partly indie and my lyrics are on the deep, poetic side.

So, I was wondering if any of you indie fans would take a stab at a critique/criticism of my lyrics.

they're posted here:

http://www.christianforums.com/t1707710-critiquing-thread.html

I sincerely thank you for taking up this endeavour.
God is blessing you,
Josh

 

[philN]

Hey Josh,

I like it. It's a little cryptic, but I think there are some interesting images. I'm not really good at critiquing poetry/lyrics so unfortunately I can't really say more than that.

If want some good criticism, try posting your lyrics at www.poemranker.com. The website is basically designed for what you are trying to get to happen in your thread. You can select "lyrics" as the genre of the poem and then people who are part of the website will read it, comment on it, and give it a rating from 1 to 10. I think you might have more luck getting things critiqued there, than on a site like this.

 

[iamtheproblem]

yeah, you're right phil. i actually have just subscribed to a few of those kind of places.

thanks for the advice tho! and the opinion.

 

[WhenFinallySetFree777]

I really like some select parts of this piece - "euphoria is nirvana is Sunday morning" - that's probably my fave line of the whole thing. Also, "down glides the sugar pill and wine" - decent line. The impression I get from the writing in its entirety though, is that you're trying a little too hard. I get the sense that there were some lines that were as natural as breathing, and some you had to strain to make them have that "indie" melancholic symbolism. Overall, not bad - just don't sacrifice quality for any sort of length you may think a song/poem is "supposed" to be. Indie's a hotbed for originality, let it happen in content and length.