Inappropriate sexual behavior?

[BelievingPerson]

Hi fellow Christians,

I have a question to ask that has been bothering me. First of all, I am a young man with a girlfriend, and we are both devout believers in Jesus Christ and His Word. Being less than 20 years old, my testosterone levels are quite high and I find myself urging to do or experience something sexual. I do not live with my girlfriend, thus recently I have had times when I turn to pornography. I know this is a terrible habit and I want to stop it, especially because I am committed to her and not to the bodies of other women. Instead of watching pornography, I would much rather participate in sexual behaviors with her. But then comes the question: our sexual behavior often involves her being tied up and me treating her like a "bad girl". Afterward, I have a guilty feeling for I feel I disrespected her, even though she is willing and sometimes it's her idea. Is what I'm doing wrong? I know by participating in this type of behavior with her it calms my pornography appetites, which I find even worse. Should I stop this type of sexual behavior or is it appropriate since we both agree to it and we stay loyal to only each other?

Thanks so much!

 

[Luther073082]

In short yes its wrong and sinful. Just because you are monogamous with one person does not make you married. God's word is clear that you shouldn't lust after someone who you are not married to.

In the long answer though I can't exactly tell you how you take care of it. I didn't get married until I was 27 and sexual desires where a constant struggle and that was also true when I was dating and engaged to my wife.

The reason for the sin I don't think you quite have right. I don't think that you are disrespecting her. You are disobeying and disrespecting God's plan for creation which is that sex and lust is only ment for two people who are married.

So I guess my answer is, while most everyone struggles with this, that doesn't make it ok.

Beyond that I'm sorry that I'm unable to help much further.

 

[Windmill]

Biblically, your sexual behaviour would be fine, but only when you are married. When you are married, you can engage in such sexual activity, but only then

 

[gzt]

Premarital sex is wrong. I realize you didn't say whether or not you were having actual sexual intercourse with her, but most types of sexual behavior are proscribed before marriage. I don't know whether or not what you're doing would be wrong in the context of marriage. Consumption of pornography is intrinsically immoral. You are also most likely trolling, in which case, I yawn and claim my five pounds. All the best.

 

[janman345]

pre marital sex is an oxymoron, since the sexual act is what makes 2 married. Also porn does not nessicarily = lust unless you are actually seeking a relationship with the porn star.

Do not look to random people on an internet forum for answers, go to faithcomesbyhearing.com and get the bible on audio its a good way to keep things in perspective and context as to what the bible actually says and is not just some churchs dogma.

 

[Colin]

I made a mistake .Another one follows .

 

[Colin]

Hello Friend ,
Your guilty feelings are telling you what to do .
It won't be easy but God will help you out if you let him .
Have you had a real deep-down talk with your girlfriend about this ? If not , please do so .
God bless you both . Never forget he loves you both .

 

[The Nihilist]

What does the bible say? If your hand leads you to sin, cut it off. Better to enter the kingdom of heaven maimed than to be thrown whole into the fire of gehenna.

 

[moreruthlessjezebel]

If you're of the world, being only together would be fine. But if you believe yourself to be a follower of Christ, then yes, there definitely IS a problem.

Looking at pornography is only feeding the pornography problem. When you're already in that state, I wonder what's the point in feeding the fire? Pornography isn't real in any way shape or form - from the angles to the acting to the airbrushing and lighting, it's not real... at all.

Her wanting to be treated like a "bad girl" is not good for either of you and I'd go out on the limb to assume she's got some baggage from her childhood or a key point in time. That sort of submission is usually apparent in people who need to have control forcibly taken from them. You should talk to her about why she wants that.

I'm not of the mind that masturbation in of itself is sinful, otherwise nocturnal emissions would be classified much in the same way. Its the lust that is inherent in it. I think, physically, you have too much energy to burn and you need to handle it somehow - exercise, running, meditating, something. Thinking of someone so strongly in ways saved for the marriage bed is also a sin.

I've struggled with this at times. Annnd Iiiiii... -drumroll-

Read my bible.

Man, when did I turn into such a fuddy duddy? The main thing is, not only are you disrespecting her and the men and women in those materials, but you're disrespecting your God and yourself! He can get you through anything. ANY thing.

I'd recommend you and your girlfriend taking a break or at least recommitting yourselves to God together. Stick true to Him and you will be blessed. Just don't do it half way.

 

[thatdrummer]

i used to be addicted to porn...and my girlfriends body haha...

really tho..you need to pray to God to take all of that away...

that was my excuse too, to do things with my girlfriend...

because i would rather do it with her then see other women's bodies...

but no no thats still wrong...

it took me a while and i still battle it...porn is bad man...so is having sex with your girlfriend...

dont you feel any guilt when you do things with your girlfriend?

to me thats worse then porn...

 

[SionDS]

I dunno, I think porn can be more dangerous than doing stuff with your girlfriend since the behavior in itself is fine in marriage, even good, but porn addiction is never ok.

Kudos to guys who have girlfriend and stay away from both, but if I had to choose whats worse, Id say porn.

BelievingPerson, check your inbox.

 

[DrSteve]

Also porn does not nessicarily = lust unless you are actually seeking a relationship with the porn star.

I would love to see you try to justify this statement.

 

[janman345]

I would love to see you try to justify this statement.

That is the justification, words have definitions, just because you and alot of churchs want lust to = porn does not mean that it does. Just like if you convinced 250 people that 2+2 =5 does not mean it is. There is NO mention of porn in the bible period.

 

[Johnnz]

There is NO mention of porn in the bible period.

So we accept cancer as OK because its not specifically condemned in the Bible?

John
NZ

 

[The Nihilist]

You look at porn?!? YOU ARE GOING TO HELL! REPENT!

Thread necromancy is specifically prohibited by the bible. Turn from your dark ways and repent also!!!!!!!!!!!111111111

 

[Grace51]

Hi fellow Christians,

I have a question to ask that has been bothering me. First of all, I am a young man with a girlfriend, and we are both devout believers in Jesus Christ and His Word. Being less than 20 years old, my testosterone levels are quite high and I find myself urging to do or experience something sexual. I do not live with my girlfriend, thus recently I have had times when I turn to pornography. I know this is a terrible habit and I want to stop it, especially because I am committed to her and not to the bodies of other women. Instead of watching pornography, I would much rather participate in sexual behaviors with her. But then comes the question: our sexual behavior often involves her being tied up and me treating her like a "bad girl". Afterward, I have a guilty feeling for I feel I disrespected her, even though she is willing and sometimes it's her idea. Is what I'm doing wrong? I know by participating in this type of behavior with her it calms my pornography appetites, which I find even worse. Should I stop this type of sexual behavior or is it appropriate since we both agree to it and we stay loyal to only each other?

Thanks so much!

wow.... i am kind to trying to figure out whether this is a troll post or not.

but since this is a christian forums, and we are suppose to support each other. i'll give you the benefit of the doubt, buddy.

firstly, watching pornography and pre marital sex is clearly a sin. regardless of whether you are monogomous right now.

you are only allowed to do it with someone you are married to, period.

i am suprised you do not know this.

as for the urges, yes it is hard. but you have to pray to God to give you the strength.

take a cold shower if you have to, but dont give in to the urges.

 

[dayhiker]

... welcome to CF, grace. Hope you enjoy our great web community here.

OH, I always smile at newbees when they made those declarative statements with no conditions.

 

[The Nihilist]

wow.... i am kind to trying to figure out whether this is a troll post or not.

but since this is a christian forums, and we are suppose to support each other. i'll give you the benefit of the doubt, buddy.

firstly, watching pornography and pre marital sex is clearly a sin. regardless of whether you are monogomous right now.

you are only allowed to do it with someone you are married to, period.

i am suprised you do not know this.

as for the urges, yes it is hard. but you have to pray to God to give you the strength.

take a cold shower if you have to, but dont give in to the urges.

What if it's porn you made with your wife

 

[Grace51]

What if it's porn you made with your wife

LOL well, if it is your wife, you are allowed to do whatever you want. fantasing about your own wife is not a sin

so yeah, if you are one of those christian couple who want to make a porn video of yourselves, i say go ahead.

as long as while you are doing with your partner, you are not imagining you are doing someone else.

sins refers to ones thought and actions.

anyway, you need to chill a bit, mate.

 

[The Nihilist]

LOL well, if it is your wife, you are allowed to do whatever you want. fantasing about your own wife is not a sin

so yeah, if you are one of those christian couple who want to make a porn video of yourselves, i say go ahead.

as long as while you are doing with your partner, you are not imagining you are doing someone else.

sins refers to ones thought and actions.

anyway, you need to chill a bit, mate.

Oooh, trick question, I asked about you and your wife. You said it was fine, which means you support gay marriage, which makes you a bad christian! How could I possibly chill in the face of THAT?!?!?!