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This is about my daughter Jean Marie Voss. (if you ever want to read about this from her dad's point of view, go to amazon.com, and look for Edd Voss, book titled JoAnna)
I was in the Army. It was July 15, 1980. I was stationed at Ft Eustis, Virginia (USA) That morning, I found out I was pregnant (with my oldest son, Daniel) I was so delighted.
I went out to the Mataponi (spelling might be wrong, pronounced : Mat upon I) Indian reservation near West Point Virginia. I had a wonderful day.
That evening some friends took me out to dinner. My daughter would be coming Home to Virginia on Friday, it was just days away. I was so happy, I had a new home with a friend who I workd with.
Well it was a late night and about 11pm we headed home, it was about 1120 when I got home. Edna, was not there. but there was a strange black car in the driveway. I had a real bad headache. and just instinctively knew something was wrong.
I got out and it was a Sgt. from my unit. He told me to get inside and call the unit, he told my my daughter was in the hospital. I called, and after a minute I was connected to my friend Maureen in California, she was at the hospital with my daughter.
She was telling me, Jeanie was thrown from a horse, I said okay, she break her leg? her arm? "No, it is worse, she was kicked in the head" I started to fall to the floor. My friend Jack grabbed me to hold me up. I asked "how bad mouse, how bad?" Maureen said "bad joyce bad"
"What do you mean,? how bad?" Mouse answered, "Joyce she is in surgery, she is not expected to make it." I asked "how long do I have to get there?" maureen said, "I don't think if you got on the space shuttle you could be here in time." I told Maureen, "Mouse, go in the operating room, I don't care if you get arrested, go, tell her I am on my way, tell her, tell her that momma says "I love you" I am on my way." Maureen, said okay. We hung up the phone.
I screamed, aloud, "No Lord, take me, take me, take this baby, just don't take my JeanMarie..... (I was falling to the floor, my friend Jack grabbed me again, )and said "Joyce that is not the way you were taught to pray. You were taught to pray that the "Lord's Will be Done." I am glad he stopped me. It hurt a lot, but I am glad he stopped me. I need to tell you that Jack was not a Christian, he was full blooded Chippewa indian, he had grown up with Indian beliefs and faith. Yet he knew I had not been raised that way and respected my faith, and reminded me of it.
Jack drove me into the unit, for me to wait to find out what was going on... waiting... when I got to the Company, the Charge of Quarters (CQ) was waiting for me, he had my leave paperwork ready, two weeks emergency leave. He had already started the phone calls to get my flight to California.
The Charge of Quarters was a Christian, he sat with me on the floor, as I cried and I prayed. I didn't want to let go of the hope Jean was going to survive. The CQ encouraged me a great deal. I finally said "God, don't let her hurt anymore." not even 30 seconds later the phone rang. I knew what it was. The CQ came in and said "Joyce, its Top" (the first sgt), I picked up the phone and said "I know she is gone" he said "Yes, Joyce, I am so sorry" "You have your leave paperwork, Jack will take you to the Red Cross representative to get the money for your ticket. and to make the notifications you need to make." He will be with you until you catch the plane."
"Let us know what you want to do."
I called my father, he wasn't home, he was at the bar, I called the bar, I knew where he would be, I talked to the bartender and told Billy who I was, and what was up. He gave the phone to my dad. I told him. all he said was "Oh my representative, oh my. Come home." I guess then I called my sister, and my brother who had helped raise her while I was in my basic training. Everyone would come.
Well the woman, who we went to see didn't want to notify her step father. and I called my commander back. She sent the telegram to both my daughters father and her step father. I got my ticket money and went home to pack.
When I got to my house, my roommate was home and asleep. I went in to wake her up, and tell her what happened she said "you are crazy joyce she will be fine" I don't know where I got the strength. I picked her up and (probably yelled) said: "you don't understand she is dead." I dropped her back into her bed, and went in to pack. I have no idea what I packed. Lets see it was the shirt to my dress green slacks , my jacket to my summer class A's, my skirt to my winter greens, one high heal shoe, one low quarter (tie up flats). My hat. a shirt, jeans, slacks, blouse, sweater, I didn't even pack my underclothes.! I took the stuffed animal I had purchased earlier in the day for her. A pink dinosaur!
Jack took me to the Airport in Norfolk Virginia and waited with me until I could catch my flight. He walked me to the plane (25 years ago) I waited until everyone else got on the plane. He watched as I grabbed the door, and stopped. He knew he couldn't force me onto the plane. He knew I had to do that myself. He knew that when I did I had accepted that my daughter Jean Marie had died. The flight attendant, tried to get me on, the senior flight attendant tried, finally someone went and got the pilot. They had already been told what was going on. The pilot came out and put his arm around me and said. I don't care if this flight is late, we are not leaving until you are on board! He told me he was a VietNam veteran, and that he understood. He just took my hand, and said "Okay, Joyce, are you ready? You already know what is going on, you won't find out on this flight, because you know the answer already." Then he just guided me onto the plane. I was seated in economy. After the flight took off, the Senior flight attendant came and got me, and said "come up here" and took me up to first class. When a man gave me his seat and took mine in economy. This flight took me to Atlanta, I don't remember much, I was clothing that pink dinosaur. I was taken off the plane first, and onto an electric cart to my next plane, my pilot was afraid I would get lost.
(as I write this I am crying of course, It doesn't hurt, they are tears of gentleness yet still sad.)
From Atlanta I flew to clothing, where my friend Bob who owned the horse was there to meet me. He drove me to Edwards Air Force Base, where I was met by the Survival Assistance officer, He helped me make the arrangements for her burial at Riverside National Cemetery in Riverside California. Bob then took me to the funeral home. I wanted to see my daughter Jean Marie. But She had not yet been prepared, and instead they helped me with the paperwork to get her to Riverside.
We then drove to Boron California, where everyone was waiting. My brother Bob took me to Riverside, and took me shopping for clothes (remember I had packed so many crazy clothes.)
My Brother Lee said he would take me to pick up my daughter's father at the Airport. There were lots of hard words said. We all were hurting.
jumping around a bit
I was angry at God. How could God take my Baby Girl and let me be pregnant with another child???
my pregnancy was not easy, the doctors wanted me to terminate my pregnancy.
I went to church one Sunday just before my son was born at a church down the street The scripture reading that day was from
About a week later my beautiful son Daniel was born. It was March 16th. the child that the doctors thought was going to be still born, weighed in at 10 pounds, 8.5 ounces and was 23 inches long. "ATLAS" the nurses called him!
Eighteen months later, My son James was born.
From July 15th,1980 to December 15th 1982 I had found out I was pregnant, buried my daughter, gave birth two sons.
jumping forward to 1986
In 1986 I was hospitalized for a breakdown, on the psych ward at Letterman Army hospital, and listened to a sermon on Mothers Day, just 6 years to the day after my return to the U.S. from Germany. I heard about Easter from Marys point of view. Mary a simple girl, who was unmarried, became pregnant. The pastor that day spoke to me that on the day that Jesus was conceived, Mary knew the prophasy of her unborn son. And she loved unconditionally. We parents love unconditionally, or at least we should. And many things happen to us and our children. There are no promises. It spoke to me.
On the anniversary of Jean-Marie's death. I stopped into a little chapel in the prophasy desert in California. I went in to talk to the pastor, to lament all I had been through in those years, yet alone my childhood. After some 45 minutes of lamenting and being angry at God no matter what this man said I was angry at God. The all of a sudden The pastor slammed his hand on his desk and said: "How dare you tell me that God doesn't understand your pain" "He understood it so much that as His Only begotten Son died, He darkened His creation, He shook His Earth, He ripped His Temple in two...if that is not grief tell me what is?"
wow, no one had ever talked to me like that! and all of a sudden I broke down and cried, tears that to this day were the most soothing balm.
My daughter had said in her prayers every night..."Lord make my life a miracle" The miracle of her life is that I am here to tell you about this, about my son James and how I know that my children are Children of the Heavenly Father, and God Grieves with us when we grieve!
May God Bless Each of you.
Remember today, and everyday that it is important for us to talk to God everyday. He tells us by His Holy Word, that He Loves Us. We tell Him that we Love Him when we pray.
Go hug your children, tell them you love them, call your parents tell them. tell them everyday.
And remember God Loves you so much that He Gave US Jesus to be our Savior.
Joyce
In Memory of Jean Marie Voss Nov 23,1972 to July 15, 1980
I was in the Army. It was July 15, 1980. I was stationed at Ft Eustis, Virginia (USA) That morning, I found out I was pregnant (with my oldest son, Daniel) I was so delighted.
I went out to the Mataponi (spelling might be wrong, pronounced : Mat upon I) Indian reservation near West Point Virginia. I had a wonderful day.
That evening some friends took me out to dinner. My daughter would be coming Home to Virginia on Friday, it was just days away. I was so happy, I had a new home with a friend who I workd with.
Well it was a late night and about 11pm we headed home, it was about 1120 when I got home. Edna, was not there. but there was a strange black car in the driveway. I had a real bad headache. and just instinctively knew something was wrong.
I got out and it was a Sgt. from my unit. He told me to get inside and call the unit, he told my my daughter was in the hospital. I called, and after a minute I was connected to my friend Maureen in California, she was at the hospital with my daughter.
She was telling me, Jeanie was thrown from a horse, I said okay, she break her leg? her arm? "No, it is worse, she was kicked in the head" I started to fall to the floor. My friend Jack grabbed me to hold me up. I asked "how bad mouse, how bad?" Maureen said "bad joyce bad"
"What do you mean,? how bad?" Mouse answered, "Joyce she is in surgery, she is not expected to make it." I asked "how long do I have to get there?" maureen said, "I don't think if you got on the space shuttle you could be here in time." I told Maureen, "Mouse, go in the operating room, I don't care if you get arrested, go, tell her I am on my way, tell her, tell her that momma says "I love you" I am on my way." Maureen, said okay. We hung up the phone.
I screamed, aloud, "No Lord, take me, take me, take this baby, just don't take my JeanMarie..... (I was falling to the floor, my friend Jack grabbed me again, )and said "Joyce that is not the way you were taught to pray. You were taught to pray that the "Lord's Will be Done." I am glad he stopped me. It hurt a lot, but I am glad he stopped me. I need to tell you that Jack was not a Christian, he was full blooded Chippewa indian, he had grown up with Indian beliefs and faith. Yet he knew I had not been raised that way and respected my faith, and reminded me of it.
Jack drove me into the unit, for me to wait to find out what was going on... waiting... when I got to the Company, the Charge of Quarters (CQ) was waiting for me, he had my leave paperwork ready, two weeks emergency leave. He had already started the phone calls to get my flight to California.
The Charge of Quarters was a Christian, he sat with me on the floor, as I cried and I prayed. I didn't want to let go of the hope Jean was going to survive. The CQ encouraged me a great deal. I finally said "God, don't let her hurt anymore." not even 30 seconds later the phone rang. I knew what it was. The CQ came in and said "Joyce, its Top" (the first sgt), I picked up the phone and said "I know she is gone" he said "Yes, Joyce, I am so sorry" "You have your leave paperwork, Jack will take you to the Red Cross representative to get the money for your ticket. and to make the notifications you need to make." He will be with you until you catch the plane."
"Let us know what you want to do."
I called my father, he wasn't home, he was at the bar, I called the bar, I knew where he would be, I talked to the bartender and told Billy who I was, and what was up. He gave the phone to my dad. I told him. all he said was "Oh my representative, oh my. Come home." I guess then I called my sister, and my brother who had helped raise her while I was in my basic training. Everyone would come.
Well the woman, who we went to see didn't want to notify her step father. and I called my commander back. She sent the telegram to both my daughters father and her step father. I got my ticket money and went home to pack.
When I got to my house, my roommate was home and asleep. I went in to wake her up, and tell her what happened she said "you are crazy joyce she will be fine" I don't know where I got the strength. I picked her up and (probably yelled) said: "you don't understand she is dead." I dropped her back into her bed, and went in to pack. I have no idea what I packed. Lets see it was the shirt to my dress green slacks , my jacket to my summer class A's, my skirt to my winter greens, one high heal shoe, one low quarter (tie up flats). My hat. a shirt, jeans, slacks, blouse, sweater, I didn't even pack my underclothes.! I took the stuffed animal I had purchased earlier in the day for her. A pink dinosaur!
Jack took me to the Airport in Norfolk Virginia and waited with me until I could catch my flight. He walked me to the plane (25 years ago) I waited until everyone else got on the plane. He watched as I grabbed the door, and stopped. He knew he couldn't force me onto the plane. He knew I had to do that myself. He knew that when I did I had accepted that my daughter Jean Marie had died. The flight attendant, tried to get me on, the senior flight attendant tried, finally someone went and got the pilot. They had already been told what was going on. The pilot came out and put his arm around me and said. I don't care if this flight is late, we are not leaving until you are on board! He told me he was a VietNam veteran, and that he understood. He just took my hand, and said "Okay, Joyce, are you ready? You already know what is going on, you won't find out on this flight, because you know the answer already." Then he just guided me onto the plane. I was seated in economy. After the flight took off, the Senior flight attendant came and got me, and said "come up here" and took me up to first class. When a man gave me his seat and took mine in economy. This flight took me to Atlanta, I don't remember much, I was clothing that pink dinosaur. I was taken off the plane first, and onto an electric cart to my next plane, my pilot was afraid I would get lost.
(as I write this I am crying of course, It doesn't hurt, they are tears of gentleness yet still sad.)
From Atlanta I flew to clothing, where my friend Bob who owned the horse was there to meet me. He drove me to Edwards Air Force Base, where I was met by the Survival Assistance officer, He helped me make the arrangements for her burial at Riverside National Cemetery in Riverside California. Bob then took me to the funeral home. I wanted to see my daughter Jean Marie. But She had not yet been prepared, and instead they helped me with the paperwork to get her to Riverside.
We then drove to Boron California, where everyone was waiting. My brother Bob took me to Riverside, and took me shopping for clothes (remember I had packed so many crazy clothes.)
My Brother Lee said he would take me to pick up my daughter's father at the Airport. There were lots of hard words said. We all were hurting.
jumping around a bit
I was angry at God. How could God take my Baby Girl and let me be pregnant with another child???
my pregnancy was not easy, the doctors wanted me to terminate my pregnancy.
I went to church one Sunday just before my son was born at a church down the street The scripture reading that day was from
I came to understand that day, that each of have a cross that we carry. Now we can drop ours and look for one that fits, and the pile will get so large that we will think what is my cross. and then one day we will pick up our own cross again. We will know it because it fits us. That doesn't mean God wants us to suffer, it means that we all have things we carry. (Today we hear..."we all have baggage" it is difficult to carry, and its clumsy)
About a week later my beautiful son Daniel was born. It was March 16th. the child that the doctors thought was going to be still born, weighed in at 10 pounds, 8.5 ounces and was 23 inches long. "ATLAS" the nurses called him!
Eighteen months later, My son James was born.
From July 15th,1980 to December 15th 1982 I had found out I was pregnant, buried my daughter, gave birth two sons.
jumping forward to 1986
In 1986 I was hospitalized for a breakdown, on the psych ward at Letterman Army hospital, and listened to a sermon on Mothers Day, just 6 years to the day after my return to the U.S. from Germany. I heard about Easter from Marys point of view. Mary a simple girl, who was unmarried, became pregnant. The pastor that day spoke to me that on the day that Jesus was conceived, Mary knew the prophasy of her unborn son. And she loved unconditionally. We parents love unconditionally, or at least we should. And many things happen to us and our children. There are no promises. It spoke to me.
On the anniversary of Jean-Marie's death. I stopped into a little chapel in the prophasy desert in California. I went in to talk to the pastor, to lament all I had been through in those years, yet alone my childhood. After some 45 minutes of lamenting and being angry at God no matter what this man said I was angry at God. The all of a sudden The pastor slammed his hand on his desk and said: "How dare you tell me that God doesn't understand your pain" "He understood it so much that as His Only begotten Son died, He darkened His creation, He shook His Earth, He ripped His Temple in two...if that is not grief tell me what is?"
wow, no one had ever talked to me like that! and all of a sudden I broke down and cried, tears that to this day were the most soothing balm.
My daughter had said in her prayers every night..."Lord make my life a miracle" The miracle of her life is that I am here to tell you about this, about my son James and how I know that my children are Children of the Heavenly Father, and God Grieves with us when we grieve!
May God Bless Each of you.
Remember today, and everyday that it is important for us to talk to God everyday. He tells us by His Holy Word, that He Loves Us. We tell Him that we Love Him when we pray.
Go hug your children, tell them you love them, call your parents tell them. tell them everyday.
And remember God Loves you so much that He Gave US Jesus to be our Savior.
Joyce
In Memory of Jean Marie Voss Nov 23,1972 to July 15, 1980
for your son. Father, Surround your child with a hedge of your angels. Send workers into his life to help to guide him home to you. 
