In Limbo

[Hisbygrace]

My son Gary passed away on Nov.9th,2010, 2 days before his 41th birthday as the result of
an accident. I know that Gary is with his father many family members who passed before and I know that if he had survived he would have been on machines for the rest of his natural life. My mind knows all these things, but my heart only wants to say my son, my baby boy is gone and I will never be able to hold him or tell him how very much I love him again.
Please heavenly Father help me to hold on to You.

 

[NoelAsa]

I feel your sorrow. Death is hardest on those that are left behind to deal with the grief. It will take a while for you to start to feel better, this is normal. I would suggest that you try some grief counseling when you are ready. Most churches have a program in place to deal with this. If your church does not then you can try other churches in your area. Most don't mind if you are from another church.

The first year is the hardest with all of the holidays and birthdays and anniversaries. Please take care of yourself. Praying for you.

 

[Chaplain David]

Hi,

I'm so sorry for the loss of your son. Grief is difficult and unpredictable. We miss them so much and it's like a piece of us is missing too. I echo the benefits of grief counseling. I was helped by an experienced grief counselor at my local hospice. His compassion, empathy and good advice helped me deal with one of the most difficult losses in my life, my father. Church and the Lord can also help but sometimes we get mad at God, I did and I work for Him. Just go with the ebb and flow of your grief. It's individual for all of us. Stay close to family and friends. And I pray that you are supported and comforted during this very sad time in your life.

 

[Hisbygrace]

Thank you both so much for your kind words and encouragement 's

There are times when it just doesn't seem possible that my son is gone and then it washes over me like a gigantic wave.....

 

[Broken Hearted]

Hugs. Praying for you. Grief is hard. Ive had so much grief in life and sometimes it feels like it never will end. It will ease though. I know how you feel when you describe how it doesnt seem possible for them to be gone and then it hits so hard. I still struggle days with it. But want you to know that Im here for you anytime you can pm if you need. Many hugs and prayers and Love.

 

[k.miles]

Hisbygrace,

If you are reborn into Christ's body then you will be able to hug him again...for the rest of infinity! Death is only a transition from one realm to another because our souls can never die.

The afterlife is eternal. What we think of as "life" right now is only temporary. This temporary life is only an experience to weed out those who will live with Christ for the rest of infinity. I know these things still don't particularly patch up the feeling of not having your son around...and that's okay.

Death (and even birth) are always stages where you will be transformed. You will always change with the death of anything. We all will. This is because death is a transformation stage. You will be different than you were while your son was alive. But this difference is for the better. You were a seed while he was alive. Right now you have been planted. Soon you will blossom into a tree.

Hisbygrace, I encourage you to read this blog post (just copy and past the link into your browser). I hope it provides you the added drive you need to complete your transformation:

whatyoudontunderstandcanhurtyou.com/blogs.theinbetween.htm

May Christ bless you,

 

[Hisbygrace]

This is one of the hardest things I have ever faced in life, if not the hardest. My heart and mind want so desperately to deny that Gary has passed from this life into the presence of Jesus. I try to keep myself as busy as I can so that I won't think about his death, but the knowledge is there lingering, waiting to burst out and I panic. A parent is not suppose to survive their child and yet so many are and my heart breaks for everyone of us.
I have faced so many difficult things in this life and so many times people who know me come up and tell me how worried they are or were for me because they thought I was so fragile, but in reality to them I seem so strong. But they don't know.....

YouTube - The Warrior is a Child - Twila Paris (Orig. 1984 Version)

 

[Hisbygrace]

YouTube - You Raise Me Up - The Lion King.

 

[Chaplain David]

I hear you Hisbygrace. I've never lost a child but lost both my parents and dad wasn't that long ago really. When we talk about our grief often we don't want guidance or direction, just to express what we can and have someone else hear us. Yet guidance is sometimes very welcome. The grief counseling I obtained at my hospital's hospice really helped me. I don't know what I would have done without it. Even with it I had a hard time and a lot of turbulence in my relationships, even my worklife afterwards. Yet I am feeling better now and my life is going better as well. It's hard to imagine that when there's this big hole that our loved one once filled but you will feel better and stronger by grieving and with the passage of time. I am glad you are talking here and hope you have people you can be close with at home. If I lived near you I would ring you up and see if you wanted to go for coffee. You are on my prayer list and I encourage you to continue to talk to others where you feel safe. There are a great number of people on the forum that think the world of you. I respect you very much.

May the Lord bless you and keep you.
May the Lord make his face to shine upon you,
and be gracious to you.
May the Lord lift up his countenance upon you,
and give you peace. (Numbers 6:24-26)​

 

[Hisbygrace]

Father God, I need to feel you with me so desperately today......

YouTube - Rascal Flatts - I Won't Let Go (Lyrics)

 

[Hisbygrace]

The battles are getting so much more difficult and Lord God I know that you have promised to take care of me and lift me up and Lord God I know you are here but I am hurting and soooooooooooooo sad.

 

[Chaplain David]

The battles are getting so much more difficult and Lord God I know that you have promised to take care of me and lift me up and Lord God I know you are here but I am hurting and soooooooooooooo sad.

I pray for you Hisbygrace and for every good thought and every good thing to come to you in His name. God bless you.

 

[Hisbygrace]

YouTube - Just Breathe - Pearl Jam

I love and miss you so much my precious son.........

 

[Hisbygrace]

I pray for you Hisbygrace and for every good thought and every good thing to come to you in His name. God bless you.

Oh sacerdote, I don't feel like I can even breathe right now....

 

[Chaplain David]

Oh sacerdote, I don't feel like I can even breathe right now....

Heavenly Father, please put your loving arms around HisByGrace right now as she needs your comfort. I ask that you take her fear, despair, hopelessness and pain and replace it with the faith and trust that all will be well in You. Please give her peace during this difficult time and let your angels stand guard and comfort her as well. Please protect her and keep her from all harm. Father God, please ease her grief and open her life to joy. She is your faithful servant and needs your help. I thank you Lord for all you have done in both of our lives. In Jesus Name I pray, Amen.

 

[Chaplain David]

HisbyGrace, if you need to call for medical help because you remain short of breath or for any other reason please do that. I felt it necessary to say that. That is more important than this post. If the shortness of breath is part of being sad or anxiety then eventually you will get to this post. When you do it will help support you.

I do not just quote scripture because I don't have anything to say in this situation. I know how difficult it is for me and have some idea how hard it is for you too. This scripture takes me out of me and puts me more with Him. As you are led, please read it then pray. I'm praying to.

But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew [their] strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; [and] they shall walk, and not faint. (Isaiah 40:31)

And there is the Sermon on the Mount:

He (Jesus) said:
3 “Blessed are the poor in spirit,
for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
4 Blessed are those who mourn,
for they will be comforted.
5 Blessed are the meek,
for they will inherit the earth.
6 Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness,
for they will be filled.
7 Blessed are the merciful,
for they will be shown mercy.
8 Blessed are the pure in heart,
for they will see God.
9 Blessed are the peacemakers,
for they will be called children of God.
10 Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness,
for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

And the Lords prayer:

Our Father, who art in heaven,
hallowed be thy name.
Thy Kingdom come,
thy will be done,
on earth as it is in heaven
Give us this day our daily bread.
And forgive us our trespasses,
as we forgive those who trespass against us.
And lead us not into temptation,
but deliver us from evil.
For thine is the kingdom, the power and the glory. for ever and ever. Amen

 

[Redheadedstepchild]

The battles are getting so much more difficult and Lord God I know that you have promised to take care of me and lift me up and Lord God I know you are here but I am hurting and soooooooooooooo sad.

Oh hon, hang on to His promise. My prayer for you tonight is that you feel God surrounding you with his love. Hang on. God loves you, we love you.

 

[Sojourner1]

Janice, I'm so sorry that you are feeling so bad today. I can't even imagine the pain that you are going through. I think my problems are overwhelming at times, but I feel humbled by what you have gone through and are going through. I want you to know that I have been personally affected by the love of God I see in you. You have been an incredible witness of Christ living through you. There aren't too many people that I would be able to say that about. As our Pastor always says, "Christians are like tea bags. You don't know what they're like until you put them in hot water." You've been in scalding hot water and your tea is rich and fragrant.

I will be praying for you Janice. May God give you His peace tonight and cover you with His love and allow you to get some rest.

 

[Criada]

((((((((Janice))))))))))
Praying that God will wrap you in his arms and bring the comfort only he can give.
I know words aren't enough.... I can't imagine your pain
Love you, and praying.

 

[Hisbygrace]

My precious baby boy,

It's so hard to believe that tomorrow will mark a year since you were called home. My heart wants to scream at the thought that you are no longer here. How my eyes yearn to see your handsome face, your bold, beautiful smile. My ears long to hear the sound of your laughter and the gentle way you would say I love you mama and my arms ache to hold you close just one more time.
There have been so many times in the past year when my hands have been drawn to my stomach and all I feel is the deep emptiness within. There are so, so many times when I feel so utterly broken that healing seems impossible and it's at those times I feel so afraid! Afraid of falling over the edge and never finding my way back. Oh, how I miss you my precious, precious son!!!
Sometimes I feel soooo angry. I want to scream as loud as I possibly can. I want to grab the nearest object to me and sling it as hard and as far as I can. I want to watch it smash into the ground and shatter into a million pieces, just like my heart.
Sometimes I am filled with an unbearable guilt as memories of your hardships and struggles in this life flood over me like a raging river. At these times the anger is worst because I feel like such a failure as a mother. I pound myself with questions like, what did I do so wrong, did I do everything I possibly could to help you and most of all did I show you all the love I could possibly have?
I ask myself, how could I have been so stupid to listen to the doctors and nurses when they kept telling me your prognosis was good? My eyes could see and a mother's heart knew that you weren't going to be ok, but I had to believe, because I couldn't fathom losing you, even for a little while. Mothers are not suppose to out live their children!! I stood beside you and watched as your life was being supported by machines. Why, why, why was I so stupid as to leave your side?
And then, there are times when peace and calm wash over me like a warm, gentle rain, washing all the bad thoughts away. Reminding me that now you are truly free. The hardships, struggles and pain that kept you in bondage in this life are now gone and all your tears have been wiped away. For this I can rejoice, knowing we will meet again one day.
Gary, I was truly blessed to have had you in my life and to have been a part of yours. Your love and memory will live on in my heart forever.
I love you my precious baby, my precious son!!!
Mama