In desperate need of help

[CharlesTurner]

Hi, my name is Charles Turner and I just found this forum. I am in desperate need of support and advice from Christians... I will try to make this brief, because I don't want to bore anyone.
I am currently living in St. Paul, Minnesota and I am almost seventeen. I have been through quite a lot within the past two years, such as drug and alcohol addiction, months and months of incarceration, and of course with God and Christianity. I have always believed in a God, somewhat, or at least a creator... But I never felt that I could fit in a category, because believing that Jesus rose from the dead has always been rejected by some part of me... I have always wanted to believe Jesus as Lord and I have always wanted to have a relationship with God. I guess I started getting very religious during my last incarceration, I was in a holding cell waiting to face the judge on a probation violation. I was facing 9 to twelve months. I prayed to God and asked for humility and forgiveness for everything I have done, and asked him to please help me in the court room. I am not exagerating when I say that I felt him and his love ... I mean I FELT him. HE was there right with me... when they called my last name I walked into the courtroom, and sat down. After a long verbal beating from the judge, he decided to sentence me 4 to 6 months, which I had already done before and seemed nothing compared to an entire year in jail. After that I started reading the bible, and I always carried a student's "study bible". Even though I was made fun of by many others I was locked up with, I kept reading the psalms and the new testament and one of the staff who I got to know introduced me to his church which I fell in love with. I felt like I had been born again... Well I have been out for about two months and all of this has changed. I still pray every night and I try to pray in the morning, but I have been depressed lately and it almost seems like I am becoming a skeptic again. I believe in God, it's almost like I believe He is there but some unknown force is telling me not to. I have lost my willingness to go to the church that I once loved and I am not reading the bible anymore, and it seems like I am more into scientific explanations on why I exist rather than a divine creation. But at the same time I very much believe in God, if I didn't then who is it that I pray to every night and morning? Why, after all that He has done for me do I still question His existence? I feel ashamed that I have such thoughts because the only thing I want is to get the feeling I used to have, just knowing that He is there, always has been and always will be. PLEASE can someone explain what is happening to me and/or give me advice on what to do??? I haven't given up yet and I still have faith, even though it is shaky. PLEASE HELP!!!!!

 

[Johnnz]

It is not unusual to try God when in facing a crisis, then bcak off afterwards. This often just indicates that you are still coming to belief and have usettled issues to work at - personal, intellectual etc. Many people just can't suddenly 'believe'. They need some reasonable basis to do so.

Also, from what you have said about yourself you probably have many underlying issues in your life that need wise counsel and support for any long term change to happen. The rsiks are that, unless you do make some real changes, you will have plenty of time to reflect on your life after your next court appearance. That would be so sad to see that happen.

John
NZ

 

[AlikhnKwizad]

Have you told G-d about your feelings?

He knows you. He created you. He knows the doubts & strugles you have. He knows what choices you will make, before you make them. He knows what is in your heart. He loves you.

Tell him how you feel... all the hurt & anger & sorrow- tell him. And ask Him to give you wisdom & strength to get through this time in your life.

It's ok to be mad at G-d, to doubt, to question... but don't let that keep you from talking with Him. I wish I had more advice to give! Whatever happens, keep it real with G-d. And ask Him to help you through. He will. But it might be tough. Hang in there!
Shalom~ Nilahk

 

[constance]

Hi Charles,

You know that in the Bible Stories that fallen people like you and like me are the ones that Our Lord wants to hang out with...those he wants to work through.

Remember that you haven't changed - it was easy to feel chosen on the inside...can you learn to feel chosen on the outside too? Can you find a church to go to? Some churches have special ex-prisoner ministries which are like the chapel services you might be used to.

What about the staff member's church that you'd been going to? Can you still go there? How about NA and AA? Can you make it to those meetings? You need to make friends - friends who are going to keep you out of trouble and in the Lord.

I'm a long way from Minneapolis - but feel free to PM me any time.

Constance

 

[ChristianDude777]

Grace and peace to you,

Listen, first of all, this isn't that uncommon. It happens to many many Christians. It's VERY important for you to realize that this doesn't mean your conversion experience wasn't real or that you didn't "really get it."

One possiblity is that the enemy is trying to get you to doubt what happened. the dark spiritual forces love to play games in our minds. We're in a spiritual battle.

They will also use those feelings of shame to cause you to stumble. You don't have to feel ashamed. "There is no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus." God still loves you. He's not ashamed of you and I'm sure He knows of your struggle.

The best thing you can do about this is to get involved in a Spirit filled church, be it the one you have been going to or another one.

Get the church members to pray with you. Get into good, solid fellowship with them. That will make a difference in itself.

Feed your spirit on the Word every day. One thing that will really help you is to do something I do. Find a good scripture, only one verse, that speaks to you in a positive way. Write it down and keep it with you all day. Read it over and over again throughout the day and memorize it. Memorize a different verse each day. This WILL help.

The reason this helps is because memorizing these verses plant them deep into your mind and they will take root. They will eventually become part of the way you think. It really works. But you'll have to be the one who does it yourself...no one else can do this one for you. Memorize the words and the scripture "address."

Find yourself some nice Christians here who are close to your own age and write to them. Leave a post in the introductions area and ask for people to write you and give you good Christian encouragement and friendship.

If you have any active sin in your life, you've GOT to cut that off. Sin brings instant decay into your spiritual walk.

Seek God's face in prayer. Seek Him first and foremost. It's all about your relationship with Him.

Go to this link...

http://www.intouch.org/contact_76214.html

Call the toll free number and ask them to pray with you and see if they can send you a tape or booklet that will hlep you. I've called these folks before and they really care.

Charles, this "God thing" is real. Despite some of the arguments by non-believers, there's a TON of evidence to support the Truths of the Bible, not to mention the very experience you had. It was real.

Let us know if you don't feel like this is the help you need. We're here...

Tim L.

 

[heron]

All good advice above. Sometimes we feel God more when others are praying for us. If that stops, for example if a friend in jail was praying for you, you might not feel that support as often.

It doesn't mean that God wasn't there, but it's a reminder to all of us that prayer actually does something. Pray for the friends you made in prison, and pray for the people surrounding you now. You can even ask God to bring people around you who will join you in prayer, and He will.

 

[NothingButTheBlood]

Relationships are work. Make yourself read the Bible even if one chapter a day. Keep praying at least once a day. Once we are saved we become a bigger target for the devil. You had nothing but time in jail making things easier. Keep up the work. God will not let you down you just have to meet with him.

 

[Carri20]

That's an awesome testimony, Charles! You called out to God in your hour of need and he showed himself to you right there in that holding cell. That's a sure sign he's got you on his mind and in his heart. The Bible says he who seeks the truth shall find it, so my best advice to you is to just keep seeking. That unseen force that nags at you and tells you not to believe--that's Satan. He doesn't care much if you believe in God, because he knows that that alone won't get you into heaven. What will get you into heaven is the belief that Jesus Christ is the Son of God, and your repentance and acceptance of him as your savior. God is trying to draw you closer so that you might accept his Son, and at the same time Satan is trying to draw you away so that you might reject him and follow some other belief--be it science, a belief in your own inner power, or some other religion. Anything but Jesus. It's a tug of war and you are the rope, my friend. All Christians have been there and it's not a fun place, but remember what the Bible says--he who seeks the truth will find it. Again I offer the best advice I know: Keep seeking the truth!
Take care. =)

 

[MinDach]

One possiblity is that the enemy is trying to get you to doubt what happened. the dark spiritual forces love to play games in our minds. We're in a spiritual battle

This is the Key, if you can remember this every day of your life, you will be under attack from satan and the other fallen angels, then you will know how to protect your self with Gods words. This happens to us all, it nothing new. So be at peace with your self, you are saved, and do not let the devil tell you, that your not saved. For the devil was a liar from the very beginning, he tried this trick with Jesus too.

 

[sdlvx]

God Is For Losers. Stand Up And Walk!

 

[MinDach]

God Is For Losers. Stand Up And Walk

Yes he is, thank God for that, for we all are loser in this world, we all turn back to dirt in the end, it what we do before we get to the end is what counts.

 

[BOJAX]

I have had so many obvious indications of the existance of jesus and the presence of god. I had chosen not to believe it because, well, it seemed easier that way. It was easier to do nothing.
Thank god i stopped non-beliving

1 Corinthians 15:12-14...
Now if Christ is preached, that He has been raised from the dead, how do some among you say that there is no resurrection of the dead?

But if there is no resurrection of the dead, not even Christ has been raised;

and if Christ has not been raised, then our preaching is vain, your faith also is vain.

 

[Sketcher]

Exactly, without the Resurrection, there is no power in Christianity. Charles, you're on the right track, but you do need to believe in the Resurrection.

Also, you don't have to listen to those strange voices telling you not to go to church. They're out to ruin you. You have the power to listen to the Bible and not to them. I can confidently tell you that the Bible is right.

 

[ALIgator]

Hi Charles. Your testimony is amazing, you've been through so much more than I can even imagine. I think it's awesome that you found God, and I know it can be very discouraging to feel so much doubt when you truly want to believe. The only advice I can give you is to pray. This might feel kinda weird since you're having trouble with faith right now, but it's important to keep in communication with God. Tell Him you don't want to have to listen to the devil's lies anymore. God will never let the devil throw anything at you that you can't handle, I promise. I hope you can feel as close to God as you used to, I will be praying for you and if you want to talk to someone you can always feel free to pm me.
Good Luck!
~love from your sister in Christ
Ali

 

[Into_the_light]

I believe that the force that was pushing you away was the devil and I also believe you can fight it. Sure people question there faiths all the time, but don't give up on your faith. Still, you should keep in touch with God.

 

[SavedByTheShoes]

it could be a number of things-
satan likes to try to get us down. exspecially new christains, but you have to fight fire with the bible. and prayer. god rewards us for praying when its hard.

we wont always feel gods presence sometimes its so strong its almost impossible for you to deny his existence, other times theres months without him and you feel like its possible he isnt real. i know many times have been depressed and stan loves to get to me most sometimes. he would push things into my head like jesus doenst love you anymore untill, even for a minute i would belive him. recently i wrote satan a little note. laugh if you must but it really helped. i told him he needed to back down becuase i had the savior of the world on my side. he can come at me as hard as i can but my faith will never change. god is with me through all situations and always will be. you can take away anything i have but you'll never touch me and my jesus. it was a long note but in general i told him were i stand, and where i will always stand. it was quite the big help.

 

[CharlesTurner]

Thank you everyone for your support, it's really been a lot of help. I feel a lot better now and I am praying every night! I don't know where I would be it if I had decided to let this issue go without reaching out. Expect to hear more from me.

 

[Vigil]

I sat on the street cornor starving and prayed to God for Food.
As I finished my prayer, and many walked by be, and handed me a sandwich, expaling that he bought two by mistake.

as the man walked away, I said, "There is no God, because that was just a man"

Something to think about.

God Bless.

Vigil.

 

[heron]

As you see from these posts, most people recognize the annoying thoughts of doubt and harassment. The words used in the Bible for the devil include "the accuser," "the destroyer," and liar. Satan doesn't just want to destroy your faith, but he eventually wants to destroy you. He will plant thoughts into your head that you think are your own. I'm not talking about your reasoning, but more obvious negativity like "you'll never be able to find a job," "you're worthless," or the more blatant "you should just get rid of that person who annoys you." God will always see worth in you. He will always see you with the potential you were born with, and the skills and perceptions you've developed as you've grown. As Ali and -light said, resist the devil, and he will flee.

I like SavedByTheShoes' idea about their letter to Satan. You could keep that near you during the day, and read it out loud once in a while.

Feel free to pray throughout the day, too. Talk to God as you're doing things. The Holy Spirit will give you ideas and direction.

Are there any opportunities in your area to do prison ministry--to talk to other kids your age? Maybe your experience is still too bruised and painful to get close to...only you would know.