I'm worried sick.

[envygeeksgirl]

My boyfriend and I, have been together for 3 years and I love him more than anything. I'd die for him, I'd walk around the earth infinite times for him. I'd do absolutely anything for that man.

We live far apart, we're thousands of miles apart. He's American and I'm British. Right now, I'm in the UK, so obviously my main source of support is technology.
However, five days ago he hadn't appeared online and his office phone and personal phone has been switched off. It's been 5 days, I talk to him everyday and I am so worried.

I have no one to talk to. He is everything to me, I told him all my problems, he is my crutch as they say. When my father passed away in January '09, he was the one I turned to. I am a Catholic, I do pray everyday, but I have NEVER prayed as much as I have the last 5 days. If I lose this man, I will not be able to cope. He really is everything to me and the distance, well, I love him. I see him when I see when I can do and when I do it's amazing. In the mean time I communicate via technology. I mean, I realised that I don't need anything apart from him. I don't need children, I don't need a nice house, in a nice area. I don't need luxuries. I wouldn't even need to marry him, because it's the love that's important. If I had him I could be homeless and happy. If I never had him and was wealthy, I'd be distraught. I never expected to be in love with someone and for it to be so strong that if that person is gone, my whole world would come crashing down. I never expected to be so dependant and rely on someone as much as I do him. I never knew that one person would be my absolute everything.

I don't know what has happened. But let me tell you, I have never experienced fear like what I feel like right. It might be a power cut, it might not. What am I meant to do though?
My legs feel like they're going to buckle, they're shaking so much, my hands are like jelly. I feel like I have a knot the size of a house in the pit of my stomach, my heart is beating so hard that it feels like it's going to beat right out of my chest. I can't stop worrying and I know to some of you, it's easy to imagine stuff like a power cut or something so simple that it'll turn out laughable that I'm so scared. But you guys don't know him and don't know me.

The night before he went, he asked what I'd do if he died and I would not live. I'd kill myself, I would. I don't care if I sound silly to you, he's my life. He's my baby.


Is it okay to ask you to pray for him? Pray for him to come back? To be safe? For him to be back soon? I need this man.

I feel like I'm going to break. Seriously, please, please help me. Please pray for him to come back soon and be safe.

I'm scared.

 

[Melethiel]

I know how you feel. Where does he live? A lot of the US is without power right now.

 

[envygeeksgirl]

Kansas.

I know, I told myself it was that reason, too. But then that's only on the East Coast, right?

Thank you.

 

[Luther073082]

do you have contact information for any members of his family or anything?

I have a sheet that I gave to my parents of contact information for both Melissa and the members of her family. That way if anything ever happened to me, she would be notified.

 

[K9_Trainer]

What I find strange is that he hasn't found some way to contact you if its been 5 days. Even if the power is out, cell phones will still work because they run off satellite.

Like, I totally don't mean to be a downer, but I had a similar experience with this and it was just ridiculous. I kept making excuses for him not being able to contact me, but really there was no good excuse. He had friends that had cell phones, he could have used a library computer to email me, or a friend's computer, heck, even the land line. I think I am worth having to pay a bit extra for a long distance call.

My current boyfriend lives a bit over 2000 miles away from me and the computer is our main source of communication, we use IM and Skype. If something happened to the power, we would still have ways of communication, even if its using snail mail.

 

[NiobiumTragedy]

What I find strange is that he hasn't found some way to contact you if its been 5 days. Even if the power is out, cell phones will still work because they run off satellite.

Cellphones work on cell towes, not satellite. If there is no power in his area, then the tower will be down and he will have no connection on his phone. However, unless a tree fell on the power lines taking them all out, the land line phones should still work. However, Kansas has had no major snow storm, so I'm not sure what could be going on.

Luther is right, you don't have any contact info for his family or friends after 3 years that you could contact? Maybe friends in his area on Facebook who could shed some light on the situation? It's very rare that people can just disappear anymore without a trace unless they are trying to, and even then it's very difficult. There has to be another source of information you can find.

 

[gzt]

And cell phones can die. And you can be in a place with no reception.

 

[SmileAndAHandshake]

That's one scary post... not for the reasons you are scared, though. I guess I really feel like no one is being the voice of reason here, and I have no problems doing it:

You desperately need to find some therapy.. because it is not healthy to be that attached to anyone.

I'm seriously less concerned about the well-being of your boyfriend, who is probably fine, than your mental state to be so attached to someone that you can't live without them. That's so incredibly unhealthy I don't even know where to start, and I hope you get some help for your issues as soon as humanly possible because no one can be in a healthy relationship (let alone be healthy in and of themselves) if they can't stand on their own two feet.

I love my husband more than I could ever imagine I would have loved anyone... But if he ever died, or if he ever was gone from my life for any other reason, I'm at least going to go on living. I don't have such a lack of respect for my own existence that I would strip myself of my own right to live, and anyone who would kill themselves because another person was no longer in their life needs to find stable mental health support to learn how to be their own person again and learn that their life is really worth something (not just worth something "as long as I'm with this other person," but worth something all by yourself).

My recommendation is that you are better off not being in a relationship at all until you figure that out... but my guess is that the thought alone brings you to tears. Which, again, is a pretty bad sign.

I hope you find assistance for your co-dependency issues, that's about all I can say. And I'm sure your significant other is just fine.. though I hope one day he realizes that this situation is far from healthy

 

[NiobiumTragedy]

That's one scary post... not for the reasons you are scared, though. I guess I really feel like no one is being the voice of reason here, and I have no problems doing it:

You desperately need to find some therapy.. because it is not healthy to be that attached to anyone.

I kinda got that vibe as well, but I tend to think it's said because of the emotional state and not in something serious. Eventually, she would go on living and realize it.

 

[wishbenash]

Any up dates on this story?