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I suggest you look it up online, but the very, very short definition of it means you depend way too much on others for most of what you require as a person personally.What does co dependent mean?
In my opinion the most successful relationships are only between two people who have already learned to already do it on their own a whole lot, and I do mean completely on your own a whole lot, before getting with one another personally.I think he is. And as for me, I was single until age 27, I'm 28 now. So I mean, I'm working through the issue of "I need to be married to be happy," which I discussed with the pastor. But I was able to thrive and make friends on my own without a bf for pretty much my whole life.
In my opinion the most successful relationships are only between two people who have already learned to already do it on their own a whole lot, and I do mean completely on your own a whole lot, before getting with one another personally.
How is your relationship with God?
How important is being married and having kids to you?I mean, I think I have been on my own quite a lot already. A lot of women my age have been married and have kids at this point, so I've gone a really long time alone.
My relationship with God isn't perfect, but idk how being in or out of a relationship with my bf would help, because I don't know if it's been all that great before we started dating. But when I have an issue he always points me back to God and tells me to talk to Jesus.
It is very important--BUT. One thing my father and my pastor have told me is that I must not be putting these desires over the necessity of being a good Christian. My father has told me that being a Christian is the most important thing in life, and that everything else is secondary. And my pastor basically called me out for looking for contentment in an engagement, rather than in Jesus.How important is being married and having kids to you?
Don't forget, love and honor and respect for your (future?) husband also, etc.It is very important--BUT. One thing my father and my pastor have told me is that I must not be putting these desires over the necessity of being a good Christian. My father has told me that being a Christian is the most important thing in life, and that everything else is secondary. And my pastor basically called me out for looking for contentment in an engagement, rather than in Jesus.
So I know in my head that having kids isn't the end goal, going to heaven is. My heart pulls me in other directions though.
I don't know enough about your situation to tell, and it may be both of you, but, either way it's something to look out for and/or be aware of, etc.Which side of codependency are you thinking I am on?
Sir or ma'am, I am sorry to say this but in reading your replies I basically burst into tears because hearing "codependent" and "break up" scared me. I am trying to do better with my anxiety, I come to these forums and I am part of a Facebook support group, and even my bf says I am improving.Don't forget, love and honor and respect for your (future?) husband also, etc.
But it sounds like you may be starting to put your priorities in the right direction?
Sorry if I caused any offense, etc.
I'm a sir BTW, but, I don't know what else to say or add at this point without really getting deep into the specifics of your specific circumstance or situation, other than just telling you to take the time to think upon or consider for a while on your own what was already said?Sir or ma'am, I am sorry to say this but in reading your replies I basically burst into tears because hearing "codependent" and "break up" scared me. I am trying to do better with my anxiety, I come to these forums and I am part of a Facebook support group, and even my bf says I am improving.
I just hit a really low spot, given our recent sin.
One thought I've been having is this. A few months ago he lied to me about his ex--but within 2 minutes corrected himself and apologized. I was mad for about 2 or 3 days, but, we got through it. When I mentioned it on counseling I was told that it was encouraging that he corrected himself like that. There was hope in that situation, even though at the time we still weren't thinking of getting engaged. We dealt with the sin, on its own.
So I'm thinking I need to do that here. I'm really, really hurt, and no, I don't know anymore if I want to marry him. But, maybe in separating the sin from the engagement issue will help. I have to be content in where I am right now, and not look for peace in a commitment from him.
It's just so hard to forgive him right now, but I keep reminding myself of how he apologized and tried to make things right and wants to get through this sin issue.
You are lucky to have a partner that is so caring and considerate with your current challenges. BlessingsI need help/advice/prayers/emotional support... I'm sorry I keep posting about the same topic over and over but I think my relationship OCD has taken a really bad turn.
My bf and I used to struggle with boundaries at the beginning of our relationship, but then for almost a year we were doing a better job... until Saturday, when we crossed several boundaries we definitely should not have (not sex though).
He said he's sorry, and came up with a plan to stop it from happening again. And it "takes two to tango" so it's partly my fault also. But I'm hurt.
That, and when we talk about marriage, he says he's not ready, because he's not sure he can handle my anxieties. But he says he's trying. He's just concerned that my anxiety is going to get real bad in the future, because it's been really bad in the past (years before I met him). And he's not sure if he can handle it.
It's hard for me to want to fix this. The more I think about it, the less I have the will to stay in the relationship. I just feel almost numb. I'm not sure if I want to stay or go. And I mention relationship OCD because of how I hyper analyze my feelings; that sort of feels like it's a factor here. I keep going back and forth between "I'm not sure I want to stay" and "oh no what if he didn't like XYZ/this or that about me."
We were doing fine before Saturday; I knew he was still working through things before being ready to get married and i was handling that fairly well. But now, if he popped out with a ring today, I'm not sure what I'd say.
I'm just hurt and sad. I feel like I'm making a big deal out of this and I need to move on; other couples have gone through way worse (i was reading stories last night to try to help feel better). But I keep dwelling on it and I know it's not healthy but here we are.
Tl,dr: I'm hurt from an incident where my bf and I crossed some boundaries; I feel like my relationship OCD is making things worse.
I guess this is the kind of advice I was hoping to get. I just wanted some reassurance that we'd get through this.
Try to stick to thinking logically and the facts, as it might be a lot more productive if you do that, and this is also my rule and advice throughout life in general as well.I feel like I'm wasting their time though; I texted and asked for a meeting super last minute, and they agreed, but I feel like I'm making things into a big deal and I'm wasting their time and that they'll be tired of me.
Thanks for sharing your story.I need help/advice/prayers/emotional support... I'm sorry I keep posting about the same topic over and over but I think my relationship OCD has taken a really bad turn.
My bf and I used to struggle with boundaries at the beginning of our relationship, but then for almost a year we were doing a better job... until Saturday, when we crossed several boundaries we definitely should not have (not sex though).
He said he's sorry, and came up with a plan to stop it from happening again. And it "takes two to tango" so it's partly my fault also. But I'm hurt.
That, and when we talk about marriage, he says he's not ready, because he's not sure he can handle my anxieties. But he says he's trying. He's just concerned that my anxiety is going to get real bad in the future, because it's been really bad in the past (years before I met him). And he's not sure if he can handle it.
It's hard for me to want to fix this. The more I think about it, the less I have the will to stay in the relationship. I just feel almost numb. I'm not sure if I want to stay or go. And I mention relationship OCD because of how I hyper analyze my feelings; that sort of feels like it's a factor here. I keep going back and forth between "I'm not sure I want to stay" and "oh no what if he didn't like XYZ/this or that about me."
We were doing fine before Saturday; I knew he was still working through things before being ready to get married and i was handling that fairly well. But now, if he popped out with a ring today, I'm not sure what I'd say.
I'm just hurt and sad. I feel like I'm making a big deal out of this and I need to move on; other couples have gone through way worse (i was reading stories last night to try to help feel better). But I keep dwelling on it and I know it's not healthy but here we are.
Tl,dr: I'm hurt from an incident where my bf and I crossed some boundaries; I feel like my relationship OCD is making things worse.
Yeahhhh, that's another reason I'm gonna end up breaking up with him.Why can't he keep his hands off you if he isn't ready for marriage. Supposing the mistake happens and you both end up going all the way then you get pregnant?
Hey, I'm sorry for being rude to you.Its needed to see through emotional fears and to rationally consider if the life of any of you would be easier without being together.
But only you know the full picture, so again, its just an advice and the decision is yours.
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