I need help/advice/prayers/emotional support... I'm sorry I keep posting about the same topic over and over but I think my relationship OCD has taken a really bad turn.
My bf and I used to struggle with boundaries at the beginning of our relationship, but then for almost a year we were doing a better job... until Saturday, when we crossed several boundaries we definitely should not have (not sex though).
He said he's sorry, and came up with a plan to stop it from happening again. And it "takes two to tango" so it's partly my fault also. But I'm hurt.
That, and when we talk about marriage, he says he's not ready, because he's not sure he can handle my anxieties. But he says he's trying. He's just concerned that my anxiety is going to get real bad in the future, because it's been really bad in the past (years before I met him). And he's not sure if he can handle it.
It's hard for me to want to fix this. The more I think about it, the less I have the will to stay in the relationship. I just feel almost numb. I'm not sure if I want to stay or go. And I mention relationship OCD because of how I hyper analyze my feelings; that sort of feels like it's a factor here. I keep going back and forth between "I'm not sure I want to stay" and "oh no what if he didn't like XYZ/this or that about me."
We were doing fine before Saturday; I knew he was still working through things before being ready to get married and i was handling that fairly well. But now, if he popped out with a ring today, I'm not sure what I'd say.
I'm just hurt and sad. I feel like I'm making a big deal out of this and I need to move on; other couples have gone through way worse (i was reading stories last night to try to help feel better). But I keep dwelling on it and I know it's not healthy but here we are.
Tl,dr: I'm hurt from an incident where my bf and I crossed some boundaries; I feel like my relationship OCD is making things worse.
My bf and I used to struggle with boundaries at the beginning of our relationship, but then for almost a year we were doing a better job... until Saturday, when we crossed several boundaries we definitely should not have (not sex though).
He said he's sorry, and came up with a plan to stop it from happening again. And it "takes two to tango" so it's partly my fault also. But I'm hurt.
That, and when we talk about marriage, he says he's not ready, because he's not sure he can handle my anxieties. But he says he's trying. He's just concerned that my anxiety is going to get real bad in the future, because it's been really bad in the past (years before I met him). And he's not sure if he can handle it.
It's hard for me to want to fix this. The more I think about it, the less I have the will to stay in the relationship. I just feel almost numb. I'm not sure if I want to stay or go. And I mention relationship OCD because of how I hyper analyze my feelings; that sort of feels like it's a factor here. I keep going back and forth between "I'm not sure I want to stay" and "oh no what if he didn't like XYZ/this or that about me."
We were doing fine before Saturday; I knew he was still working through things before being ready to get married and i was handling that fairly well. But now, if he popped out with a ring today, I'm not sure what I'd say.
I'm just hurt and sad. I feel like I'm making a big deal out of this and I need to move on; other couples have gone through way worse (i was reading stories last night to try to help feel better). But I keep dwelling on it and I know it's not healthy but here we are.
Tl,dr: I'm hurt from an incident where my bf and I crossed some boundaries; I feel like my relationship OCD is making things worse.