I'm trying to drag through this

[Lady Bug]

I started one formation course (FC, I'll call it). The other FC I was going to go to, was going to be canceled, but got reinstated, which leaves me with 2 FCs going on. Both are very good but very different. However, one of them is a bit more drawn out than the other and it's wearing me down mentally. Not the workload but the fact that it is hard for me to keep up a facade at the table when they're yapping about whatever and thankfully I keep a neutral face and they do seem to like me. I even think I help people laugh, which is ironic. However, I think the fellowship is a bit much for me and maybe after this FC, I need to reassess exactly what I want to do about loneliness, because sitting at this table having to listen to people yap about things that I don't want to hear or things that cause me to feel out of place, is wearing me down but I'm doing an OK job of not showing it to them (I hope). I want a break from having to listen to yapping.

One FC is done in 3 weeks, the other in 5 weeks but I wish I were only doing one. They're good things to do if one can, but it's dragging. I have a variety of unfinished, critical things to take care of and these things seem to be an obstacle. I don't know why. Others may view it as a respite from their problems, as I probably should too but I can't decide if it's a respite or burden, sad to say. I would have regretted not trying.

 

[Michie]

I started one formation course (FC, I'll call it). The other FC I was going to go to, was going to be canceled, but got reinstated, which leaves me with 2 FCs going on. Both are very good but very different. However, one of them is a bit more drawn out than the other and it's wearing me down mentally. Not the workload but the fact that it is hard for me to keep up a facade at the table when they're yapping about whatever and thankfully I keep a neutral face and they do seem to like me. I even think I help people laugh, which is ironic. However, I think the fellowship is a bit much for me and maybe after this FC, I need to reassess exactly what I want to do about loneliness, because sitting at this table having to listen to people yap about things that I don't want to hear or things that cause me to feel out of place, is wearing me down but I'm doing an OK job of not showing it to them (I hope). I want a break from having to listen to yapping.

One FC is done in 3 weeks, the other in 5 weeks but I wish I were only doing one. They're good things to do if one can, but it's dragging. I have a variety of unfinished, critical things to take care of and these things seem to be an obstacle. I don't know why. Others may view it as a respite from their problems, as I probably should too but I can't decide if it's a respite or burden, sad to say. I would have regretted not trying.

Well at least you have nothing to regret! Just take everything a step at a time. You’ll eventually find your comfort zone. I think you have more freedom now and are just on a journey of exploration. You will eventually find your sweet spot. It’s great that you are getting out there and looking at the lay of the land.

 

[Lady Bug]

Well at least you have nothing to regret! Just take everything a step at a time. You’ll eventually find your comfort zone. I think you have more freedom now and are just on a journey of exploration. You will eventually find your sweet spot. It’s great that you are getting out there and looking at the lay of the land.

If I could do it all over again though I would not do two at once though

The lady at the 2nd FC told me that no one had been registering and that I should go to the 1st FC unless the 2nd FC got reinstated, which it did.

I have to say, I do have more freedom now and I am liking the freedom but I'm feeling a tad guilty that I like the freedom because it had to come at my dad's expense. I knew deep down that my freedom would not come though, any other way My money issues are preventing me from fully enjoying that freedom too but I will not expound on those right now.

 

[Michie]

If I could do it all over again though I would not do two at once though

The lady at the 2nd FC told me that no one had been registering and that I should go to the 1st FC unless the 2nd FC got reinstated, which it did.

I have to say, I do have more freedom now and I am liking the freedom but I'm feeling a tad guilty that I like the freedom because it had to come at my dad's expense. I knew deep down that my freedom would not come though, any other way My money issues are preventing me from fully enjoying that freedom too but I will not expound on those right now.

I think that this newfound freedom is something you will come to fully enjoy. Remember that you are still in the initial grief period while experiencing the freedom you have now. I think you will grow into it sooner rather than later.