I'm supposed to be a leader...

247youth · Nov 12, 2007

I'm supposed to be a leader in my church's youth group, but I'm a cutter and no one knows. I was at a Christian university last year and things had gotten better. But towards the end of the year they got a lot worse and I started cutting a lot. I only slipped up twice this summer, but I'm falling back into my old habits again. I'm tired. I've tried reaching out for help, only to be shot down. Everyone tells me that I'm too messed up for their help and that they don't want to hear from me. So, I'm all alone here. No one knows and those that know don't care. I'm tired and teetering close to just giving up. I'm sorry for this, I just needed somewhere to vent this out a little bit.

bubblefish · Nov 13, 2007

Don't give up Hun. There are a lot of people out there who are willing, and want to help you. You are never alone. You always have God and many other people out there who are happy to listen and talk to you and try to help you through everything.
Is there someone else you can talk to? A close friend or family member or pastor? If you can't talk to them, or they feel they can't handle it, have you considered seeing a professional counsellor? I know they can seem quite scary at first but they can help you through this
Also, if you want to talk you are quite welcome to PM me any time. I can't promise to have answers but I am always happy to listen, and sometimes just talking can help.
Blessings,
Katie

247youth · Nov 13, 2007

I've talked to a professional but even they stated i was fine and i needed to get on with my life. I'm obviously not fine. I'm tired of feeling like this. I don't feel like I'll ever recover. My hope has faded and I just feel lost and stuck.

Mr.Cheese · Nov 14, 2007

flying_kiwifruit · Nov 14, 2007

I was a leader in my youth group, when I was a christian, my youth pastor knew I cut, but he still didn't stop me being a leader because he understood why.

Being a leader and a cutter is not a bad thing. It is very doable as long as you don't let SI get in way of youth group things.

SPeak to a different proffesional because if you don't think you are fine then they are wrong, try to fine on that has had experience in treating cutters before, they will be more likely to help you than one that doesn't normally deal with cutters.

Some times it can feel like you will never recover and you are just stuck, but in realitity you can get better all need is a lot of will power and determination and will plus some help from a adult. The other thing is work what triggers you and why that thing triggers you.

While you still have God you still have hope, he will never abandon you, he will make something good of this, I know he has of my struggles with cutting, because I know can understand people who cut better and I'm able to realate to them. There is hope for you life, life will not be easy, but in the end you were made for some purpose.

If you want to talk feel free to PM me.

Nat

katylees · Nov 14, 2007

I know how the feeling is when professionals tell you 'you're fine' .. they tell me that, but i'm really not. It's hard. I don't have any advice really, just try to keep fighting, that's all i'm doing, it's the only thing i can do. Take care of yourself

Mayflower1 · Nov 17, 2007

Dear Youth, even the greatest of leaders have their weaknesses. If they didn't, God wouldn't have sent His Son Jesus Christ to come down for us. He is the source of all peace, hope, and strength. All I can tell you really as one who hasn't cut in two weeks, is to not give up. If you feel an urge to cut, rebuke it by the blood of Jesus Christ. And perhaps repeat a verse. Like Psalm 139:13- 16 which basically are verses telling you of your importance to God. Read it and embrace it. Memorize it and write it on the tablets of your heart. Do not worry, Matthew 6, "I can do all things through Him who strengthens me." Philippians 4:13 What gets me to saying this? I have felt the peace I did 5-6 months ago when I was in my Campus Christian ministry... yes, I had cut, and then I got into this ministry which taught me how to live a fruitful and successful Christian life. Well, I got much better. Until I moved... and then I was filled with bitterness, and stress, and all of that... and well, yeh. But this is your thread. This is for you. Keep going. God loves you. You are not alone. There are at least people on this forum who understand what you are going through, not to mention an all-powerful God. Turn your eyes upon Jesus and you will get through. I know it hasn't been long for me, but I know it is over now. Do you think you could ever say that. "It is Finished?" You might still have the urges to cut, but could you say, yes, this is it. I will no longer cut no matter how bad it gets? Rely upon God. Lily00

Mayflower1 · Nov 17, 2007

inspiring love letter from God. Helps me when I am down.

Love letter to God:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RfHTk3sGcyY

katey · Jan 1, 2008

hey, sorry i know its a while since you wrote this. just wondered how things are going. have you managed to get any further with help. i'm a youth leader to i do loads of work with the young people at my church, and i'm a self harmer, i have an eating disorder and other issues and the people that need to know, know. my vicar was fantastic about it and so was his wife. hes left now but theres still loads of support within the church the youth pastor knows and is great he doesnt make a big thing aboout it but hes there if i need to talk to him. i've been sectioned under the mental health act twice and that stil didnt put them off. being a self harmer doesnt make you a bad leader, in many way you'll be able to help the young people because of it. i kno with my youth club i've coem across a few who have started to self harm or have had eating issues and because i've been there i can understand what theyr going thorugh, or at least a part of it.

if you havent already, is it possible you could talk to a leader in church or someone who you feel you can trust in church. i found that the hardest thing to do leeting people see what was going on but when i did i felt so relived because i got the support. theyr there wenever i need them to be and they also understand if i cant make a night. even though i feel like i'm letting them down they dotn see it like that.

i hope things are a little better for you xxx

Mayflower1 · Jan 2, 2008

yes,how are you now?

247youth · Jan 3, 2008

I entered counseling but we never got around to talking about the cutting. She stopped the counseling after one and a half sessions and said that i didn't need it. The depression is still a battle that I'm losing. I've managed not to cut in a few weeks but I'm hanging by a thread here...

katey · Jan 3, 2008

one and half sessions is nowhere near enough for them to assess wethere u need it or not. maybe try again if you could trhough your docotr or soemthing. if your struggling you need help.

its so hard to try and get through it on your own. theres only so much you can do before it all gets too much for you. please try and reach out again i kno its hard it took me a long time to reach out for help but i'm so glad i did. (ok someitmes i might think i'm not but really i am.)

stay strong xxxx

livingforGod135 · Jan 3, 2008

247youth said:
I entered counseling but we never got around to talking about the cutting. She stopped the counseling after one and a half sessions and said that i didn't need it. The depression is still a battle that I'm losing. I've managed not to cut in a few weeks but I'm hanging by a thread here...

its what u think that counts, so if u think u need counselling then its a good idea 2 get it, u no wots goin on in ur head better than any1 else... might be a good idea to try again with a diff counsellor

Kristen.NewCreation · Jan 16, 2008

livingforGod135 said:
its what u think that counts, so if u think u need counselling then its a good idea 2 get it, u no wots goin on in ur head better than any1 else... might be a good idea to try again with a diff counsellor

I agree with this feedback. Sometimes one counselor isn't a good match for us. Sometimes we have to try out a couple of them to find the right one.

247youth · Jan 16, 2008

I never have been back to counselng. I left the church today though.

Mr.Cheese · Jan 18, 2008

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