Im still so angry at him!

RachelsMama said:

I was barely even dating this guy when I got pregnant. We seemed so perfect for each other that my first reaction was "this is rather sudden, but i know we will make this work." His reaction blindsided me (I had my head in the clouds though). He claimed that he was just too busy with work to be a father. Told me flat out that I was to have an abortion and that was final! I was so hurt and angry at him. I wanted this baby. I wanted to be with him. Financially, both of us made enough to support a child, both had support of family and friends. As a couple, we got along great, the chemistry was amazing. I cried all the time. He dissapeared from my life. I needed him to be there for me, but he was always "too busy." I went to all my appointments alone. I felt so cheap. So embarrased. I was so hurt that this man dumped me and ran, with his child in my belly. I made the appointment, he promised he would be there for that.... he left for Mexico that morning. Again I was on my own.

I felt forced into this because I wanted to please him. He promised me that after this was all done, we would start again. I wanted so bad to be with him. I felt he was the one I would marry. I already had one child and he loved her like his own. I agreed to having the abortion ONLY because I thought he would love me.

He called me that night, after I had the procedure. He was full of concern for me. I felt at peace. I never heard from him again.

Time has not healed my wounds. I feel so selfish. So guilty. So stupid. I was nearly ten weeks along when I aborted. I hate him. Because we share mutual friends, I catch wind every once in a while what he is up to these days. He is happy and doing great. I resent him.

My heart hurts when I think I could be holding my little child. Mostly though, my heart is broken over the fact that this man never comforted me, shared in my pain, acknowledged how much his actions hurt me. Even after all this time, I wait . . that maybe one day, he might appologize to me. Until then, I just don't know how I can grieve and move past this.

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