Im still so angry at him!

[RachelsMama]

*My dad found out about an abortion i had very young and has only been adding to my guilt ........ how do i cope?

 

[goldenviolet]

sometimes the grieving process is short. sometimes long. more often though; it's a continued course through life. we have triggers that feelings and memories seemingly need to sort through and re-sort through with our exsperiance and spiritual growth.
bless your heart. continue to seek what you need when you get triggered into grief; and chalk it up to our life's trials. there is nothing wrong with you. give yourself a hug... life's trials can be exhausting: but it's not anything we can control. you are still working through these things. normal. we grief years later over intimate things. ~ love dee

 

[sunshineray]

RachelsMama... I seem to be telling everyone around here this... but please seek counseling if you have not already. I too have had an abortion, and counseling has been the only thing that has gotten me through the pain, the depression, the hurt, the confusion, the grief.

Let me be the first, but not the last to tell you that your feelings are normal. Every single one of them. I too have felt the things you have felt. Abortion breaks us... but God can heal us. Please look in to finding a Christian organization that can help counsel you... I think you will be surpised to find what you do in your heart... and the growth you will endure.

Oh, please feel free to PM me any time if you need to talk.

 

[inhisimage73]

I was barely even dating this guy when I got pregnant. We seemed so perfect for each other that my first reaction was "this is rather sudden, but i know we will make this work." His reaction blindsided me (I had my head in the clouds though). He claimed that he was just too busy with work to be a father. Told me flat out that I was to have an abortion and that was final! I was so hurt and angry at him. I wanted this baby. I wanted to be with him. Financially, both of us made enough to support a child, both had support of family and friends. As a couple, we got along great, the chemistry was amazing. I cried all the time. He dissapeared from my life. I needed him to be there for me, but he was always "too busy." I went to all my appointments alone. I felt so cheap. So embarrased. I was so hurt that this man dumped me and ran, with his child in my belly. I made the appointment, he promised he would be there for that.... he left for Mexico that morning. Again I was on my own.

I felt forced into this because I wanted to please him. He promised me that after this was all done, we would start again. I wanted so bad to be with him. I felt he was the one I would marry. I already had one child and he loved her like his own. I agreed to having the abortion ONLY because I thought he would love me.

He called me that night, after I had the procedure. He was full of concern for me. I felt at peace. I never heard from him again.

Time has not healed my wounds. I feel so selfish. So guilty. So stupid. I was nearly ten weeks along when I aborted. I hate him. Because we share mutual friends, I catch wind every once in a while what he is up to these days. He is happy and doing great. I resent him.

My heart hurts when I think I could be holding my little child. Mostly though, my heart is broken over the fact that this man never comforted me, shared in my pain, acknowledged how much his actions hurt me. Even after all this time, I wait . . that maybe one day, he might appologize to me. Until then, I just don't know how I can grieve and move past this.

You and I share a common thread here. I barely knew him too...we were in college...shared the same friends etc. When I found out I was pregnant....he ran. In fact, he ran straight into the arms of another woman. There I was, left alone, no support with a child growing inside me....while he was gallabanting all over campus seemingly happy and guilt-free. I became invisible to him. I understand totally the resentment you feel towards him...it's almost a bitter hatred. He didn't even know what happened after he dumped me. It wasn't until several years later when we ran into each other again, that he finally found out the outcome. I should have lied, but I told him the truth instead.

Forgiveness is a daily choice...and some days it's very difficult to choose it. I will pray for you honey, that God will give you the strength you need to take that step into recovery...to finally break free of the chains that has held you hostage for so long.

Tracie
P.S. I was 10 weeks along too