I'm still alive and doing alright

Hey guys. Been a while, I know...but I'm still alive! Taking in the occasional night of drinking still, but I've cut the drinking back to about once every week or two and only on weekends. I count the number of days between drinking, not to try and make each time longer, just to keep track of my behavior. I graduated from college about a week and a half ago. I'm going to be moving in with some friends from my house church in a few months partly for the support, partly to get out of my parents' house, and party to be closer to the jobs I want.

I'm still making plenty of mistakes, but for once I'm actually ACTIVELY working on things and making an effort. I've stopped doing pot completely as of May 11th, deciding if I ever wanted to get a job and live a life, I'd best just toss it, so I did. Stopped doing cough meds about 3 months ago after the negative side effects began to take over any of the "positive" effects and make it worthless in my eyes. Stopped smoking cigs two weeks ago (I never smoked many and only when I drank, but I've decided to end that as well). I'm limiting myself to one or two cups of coffee a day and no other caffeine besides that.

I've been noticing that I may have bipolar in the past few years and the symptoms have been getting worse in recent months. The reasons to stop drinking both alcohol and caffeine as well as doing all other drugs are accumulating. I am spending a lot more time with my friends from the church I go to and really trying to keep God first on issues so that I stay strong and keep working on completely stopping all chemicals. Today though, I found myself really wanting to go back to legal alternative drugs. I got a little depressed about it too, since I hadn't wanted to do that for a bit now. It's about time though, this is usually when I start thinking about that sort of thing after going off drugs. Two weeks is about the time span I go. It's gonna be rough for a while until I break through and finally stop thinking about it a lot.

Well, that's about all in updates I guess. I just wanted to come here and touch base with you guys.

Bob: That's awesome! Well, kinda. Cool to be a pastor, bummer that the old one walked out. What do you mean by "kick things around" tho?

Thanks Trish.

Man, the desire to delve back into herbal highs is clawing at me. Thankfully I haven't got the money or a place to have it delivered safely. The stuff I'm taking to help me sleep isn't helping much either...I'm practically craving the hour of euphoria I get before going to bed. It's gotten to the point where I nearly want to take it during the day just to feel the effects. Now I've got to start weaning myself off of that and trying to sleeps sans chemical help again. Throughout the day, I sometimes imagine the smell of beer. It's getting to be an absolutely obnoxious thing.

I've recently begun to exercise daily and I'm spending a lot of time outside working in the yard. I'm hoping these two things will really help in keeping my own feel-good chemicals flowing plus keep me from getting bored as much. Boredom is my super villain.

Trish: I'm really trying to get off sleep meds altogether and use things like eating right and meditation to deal with my sleeping issues. The cravings have passed for the time being as I am keeping myself very busy. The exercise is definitely helping.

Hotsauce: yea, I was using melatonin for about two years until I decided it was mostly in my head. But now I"m using antihistamines...stronger stuff...I keep going on and off various sleep meds. Hopefully I'll be off for good.