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I'm starting a new denomination!!!!!!!

WileyCoyote

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Excellent new denomination. All of the doctrines will be the same as orthodox Christianity, but with one difference. God Almighty wants all of us to be little people with wings. It's completely biblical. Yeah, I know what you are thinking. "This guy is nuts." But read on and I will be able to convince you.
There is a little known fact about God. He has wings. Yep. Let me prove it.

'How excellent is thy lovingkindness, O God! therefore the children of men put their trust under the shadow of thy wings.' (Psalms 36:7)
Also this scripture.
'I will abide in thy tabernacle for ever: I will trust in the covert of thy wings. Selah.' (Psalm 61:4)

'Because thou hast been my help, therefore in the shadow of thy wings will I rejoice.' (Psalm 63:7)

So we see from the scriptures that God Almighty has wings. Also, we are made in His image. (Genesis 9:6) So it is God's perfect will for us to have wings too. So why don't we? The fall of man in the Garden of Eden. When Adam and Eve sinned, we lost our wings. But through Jesus's death on the cross, we can grow new wings. It's true. Very little people know these facts.

Also, God wants us to become little. Yeah, I know. You think I'm crazy. But I want to prove it to you.

'And said, Verily I say unto you, Except ye be converted, and become as little children, ye shall not enter into the kingdom of heaven.' (Matthew 18:3)
We have to become little. This is not speaking of a child who is small. It is speaking of becoming small yourself, and humbling yourself as a child.

'Verily I say unto you, Whosoever shall not receive the kingdom of God as a little child, he shall not enter therein.' (Mark 10:15)
We have to become little and be as a child. The scripture is clear.

'Fear not, little flock; for it is your Father's good pleasure to give you the kingdom.' (Luke 12:32)

'Little children, yet a little while I am with you. Ye shall seek me: and as I said unto the Jews, Whither I go, ye cannot come; so now I say to you.' (John 13:33)
Jesus was speaking to His disciples, not random little kids. His diciples were all adults. It's obvious they were turned into little people, and this is why Jesus calls them LITTLE CHILDREN.

And here is an admonition from Jesus about messing with His little ones.

'But whoso shall offend one of these little ones which believe in me, it were better for him that a millstone were hanged about his neck, and that he were drowned in the depth of the sea.' (Matthew 18:6)
Jesus's message is clear. Mess with the little ones and it will be better for you to have a millstone hanged around your neck and you were drowned in the depth of the sea. So don't question this message and run the risk of offending the little ones that believe in Him.


ARCHEALOGICAL EVIDENCE

What good is a doctrine without scientific proof to back up it's validity, right? Scientists were able to find the EBLA TABLETS and NOAH'S ARK as proof that the Bible is historically accurate, right? Well, if my doctrine of 'little people with wings' is true and people from long ago were turned into small people with wings, there should be some archealogical evidence to back that up. And there is.













This is undeniable proof. Archealogy backs up this doctrine.

If we humble ourselves, walk close to Jesus and exercise faith, we can become small people with wings too. Imagine being able to fly to work instead of walking. Imagine never having to pay for an airplane ticket again. You could visit Europe or Spain just by flapping your wings. I'm working on becoming small and getting my wings. Are you?

So who wants to be the first to join my new denomination?
 
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youthwalk

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I agree that God has wings - the Bible says this. Though they may be metaphorical.
I believe that He wants us to become as little children - untainted and loving.
I don't know what that creature/animal is but it seems like it's wings are made of leaves - I can't believe that is real.
 
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WileyCoyote

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I agree that God has wings - the Bible says this. Though they may be metaphorical.
I believe that He wants us to become as little children - untainted and loving.
I don't know what that creature/animal is but it seems like it's wings are made of leaves - I can't believe that is real.

So you admit you're an unbeliever and a heathen?

OFF WITH YOUR HEAD!!! :p
 
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WileyCoyote

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Hmm...I guess being able to fly places would be convenient (and it would cut down my carbon footprint by a lot). Heck, I'm in! *grabs her wings* Now how the heck do you work these things?

Now, now hold up. Before you are able to use them, you must pray the 'new wings' prayer.

"God, God I love these wings.
Grant me the power to use these things.
Let me fly high, let me fly low.
Let me do barrel rolls wherever I go.
I want to fly here, I want to fly there.
This, Oh God, is my prayer."

And voila. After you have prayed this, enjoy your new wings. ;)
 
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WileyCoyote

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Great, now I have that stupid Red Bull slogan stuck in my head. "Red Bull gives you wiiiiiings!" Darn this thread!

Those Red Bull commercials are an attempt to mock this doctrine and make a joke about something we should take seriously.

Curse those Red Bull commercials FOREVER.


*Boycott Red Bull and drink Rockstars*
 
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