As many people may know (some a little too well) I have suffered a deal with intrusive thought behavior and OCD. Mainly these thoughts are over my salvation and whether or not I am truly saved. In an essence, yes, I am " back " again with another post needing advice over this situation.
Way back when, when I was making posts left and right, talking a great deal about how I felt versus what was a reality, I mostly relied on my feelings as some form of basis towards my salvation, and when my thoughts went array, here again I was writing yet another post in my anxious turmoil state of mind.
Lately, I still have doubts over my salvation, but it mostly resolves in irritation over my emotions and thoughts. Feeling wise, I feel stresses, bogged down, tired, and too an extent, overwhelmed. I don't feel entirely in place and I often tell myself I can't rely on my feelings for anything, but going completely numb doesn't sound like the best case scenario.
My thoughts have now turned to whether I truly believe in what the Bible says or whether it is just what other people have taught me and I'm just regurgitating, so to speak. The fact that my thoughts are in excessove amounts and constantly fretting over this, can this mean that it is just another "go" with my OCD/Anxiety?
The main point of concern is over what Jesus did specifically. We, as sinners, are not able to come to God on our own. There is nothing in me that is good enough to save myself because all that I have found value in as a sinner is materialistic and practically meaningless. Because of that, Jesus had come down to die for me so that I may be saved and a child of God. This is an expression of His Divine Love for us.
My issue, constantly, is that while I'm at church, I see people weeping over this. And it is truly something to weep for, but me and my emotions don't follow to that extent and at times I really question "Is it true for me?" I believe He did die for me... but why can't I feel like He did or come to an overwhelming point that it truly breaks me? Why can't I become so upset with the fact that i am in fact a sinner. I sinned. I sin. There is nothing good in me. I am a wretch. But by this point, I am constantly telling myself that when my feelings say the opposite. I do not FEEL like I am a sinner. I do not FEEL like there is sin within me. And therefore, I do not FEEL like Jesus truly died for me nor do I FEEL that overbearing sensation that others feel that leads them to weeping in such. This of course shows that I keep looking towards my emotions, but it really does bother me that I have to constantly tell myself that that is what I am rather than "having" it lile others do.
This point leads me back to whether I am saved or not. My thoughts at this point will rummage over if this is something I truly believe or if it is something I am repeating for the sake of it. But the constant and anxious thoughts, they give me a red flag feeling that this isn't true. But in this extent, my mind wants to turn to "how do I even know if I believe?".
Please keep me in your prayers. If you have any advice, please share it. Thank you anyways. I do would like to hear your thoughts on this since I am constantly facing this...
Way back when, when I was making posts left and right, talking a great deal about how I felt versus what was a reality, I mostly relied on my feelings as some form of basis towards my salvation, and when my thoughts went array, here again I was writing yet another post in my anxious turmoil state of mind.
Lately, I still have doubts over my salvation, but it mostly resolves in irritation over my emotions and thoughts. Feeling wise, I feel stresses, bogged down, tired, and too an extent, overwhelmed. I don't feel entirely in place and I often tell myself I can't rely on my feelings for anything, but going completely numb doesn't sound like the best case scenario.
My thoughts have now turned to whether I truly believe in what the Bible says or whether it is just what other people have taught me and I'm just regurgitating, so to speak. The fact that my thoughts are in excessove amounts and constantly fretting over this, can this mean that it is just another "go" with my OCD/Anxiety?
The main point of concern is over what Jesus did specifically. We, as sinners, are not able to come to God on our own. There is nothing in me that is good enough to save myself because all that I have found value in as a sinner is materialistic and practically meaningless. Because of that, Jesus had come down to die for me so that I may be saved and a child of God. This is an expression of His Divine Love for us.
My issue, constantly, is that while I'm at church, I see people weeping over this. And it is truly something to weep for, but me and my emotions don't follow to that extent and at times I really question "Is it true for me?" I believe He did die for me... but why can't I feel like He did or come to an overwhelming point that it truly breaks me? Why can't I become so upset with the fact that i am in fact a sinner. I sinned. I sin. There is nothing good in me. I am a wretch. But by this point, I am constantly telling myself that when my feelings say the opposite. I do not FEEL like I am a sinner. I do not FEEL like there is sin within me. And therefore, I do not FEEL like Jesus truly died for me nor do I FEEL that overbearing sensation that others feel that leads them to weeping in such. This of course shows that I keep looking towards my emotions, but it really does bother me that I have to constantly tell myself that that is what I am rather than "having" it lile others do.
This point leads me back to whether I am saved or not. My thoughts at this point will rummage over if this is something I truly believe or if it is something I am repeating for the sake of it. But the constant and anxious thoughts, they give me a red flag feeling that this isn't true. But in this extent, my mind wants to turn to "how do I even know if I believe?".
Please keep me in your prayers. If you have any advice, please share it. Thank you anyways. I do would like to hear your thoughts on this since I am constantly facing this...
