I'm really struggling with my sexuality...help?

Are you in fact 'male' but entrapped within a female body? Or are you not
feminine' in style and some preferences, and have been unable to live that out as comfortably as you wished?

I see both masculinity and femininity as having poles, and there can be some behavioural overlaps. That does not imply same sex orientation, but just difference of expression from many societal gender markers.

John
NZ

Hey, I can relate a lot to you. I'm a sophomore in college and struggle with both my gender identity and sexual orientation. I chopped my hair off and wear unisex clothes and often get mistaken for a guy from the back.

I was so conflicted with "trying to be me" and fully trusting and following God. I really don't have much advice other than pray, pray, pray, for it is an extremely powerful tool. I just wanted you to know that you're not alone.

Go with what your heart is telling you. God made you in the way he wanted and maybe you were supposed to live like a man and go through this change for some reason.

Listen to your heart, listen to your head, but most of all listen and pray to God. You seem sure of the way you live your lifestyle so why not just go for it.

Pray, trust in God and follow the way you think he wants you to go. It will most probably be the way your heart is telling you to go.

God Bless.

You will find various attitudes held by Christians.

What you feel is wrong, period.
Same sex attraction is not what God intends, but if you are like that then celibacy must be your choice. Some would add, don't live out your preferences in any way.
Some see same sex attraction as against God's designs for human sexuality, but will accept those who are as people anyway who also need to know the Christian pastoral care that any person can expect. After all, we are all broken people in various ways. Same sex attraction is just one example of our brokenness.

There are churches that give expression to one of those alternative views.

John
NZ

Hey, I just wanted to let you know that you are NOT alone. I am the same way. I wear my hair in a guys cute and wear male or unisex clothes. A lot of Christians are sadly ignorant on the subject and make harsh judgments based on a surface level understanding.

Transexualism is a MEDICAL condition. It is NOT a perversion or a lifestyle choice. Just like physical intersex conditions happen...it can also happen in someones brain during fetal development. Many Christians don't know this and judge it as simply being a "choice" or "perversion". They clearly do not know that transexualism has a biological cause. I try to clear up that ignorance when I come across it. But what causes this? Here is something to consider...

XX= female, XY= male. Or does it? There are different variations and mutations that take place during the fetal development. The SRY gene is responsible for creating the masculine effects of a fetus. We ALL start out as female until 8 weeks time. And because of Endorcrine Disrupting Chemicals we are seeing a growing varience of Gender Dysphoria. Stress and medication administered to the pregnant mother or toxins in the envirornment have caused the growing pain that transexuals face today, as well as the rise in their numbers.

Gender identity is formed in the womb...it is wired into our brains. People with congruent gender identity [gender identity that matches their biological sex] have no problem with this because, in the womb, their biological sex and their gender identity formed correctly...meaning they matched. In people with Gender Dysphoria....the chemicals in the womb and other factors causes a disruption in the normal development process of the brain and caused their brain to develope as the opposite sex of their body. It really is that simple. Transsexualism is a brain and body mismatch...a medical condition...and not a choice that these individuals make. So the choice is this....live the rest of your life miserable or transition and be authentic to who you know you really are. I have literally heard tons of transgender people say that transition was simply not a choice for them...that it became a matter of life or death...transition....or suicide. They chose to transition. The ones that I have been around are much happier now then they were before transition...because they finally have a body that FEELS right. It's not a sexual fetish or deviency...it is simply a matter of feeling right in your own skin...and having a body that your brain reconizes as "its own".

For the people who don't understand:

Let me get your imagination going for a minute....imagine that you were going to have surgery to have your gall bladder removed...but somehow things got mixed up and when you woke from surgery, you had the body of the opposite sex. How would you feel? Besides...once the surgery is done you cant go back. So you are stuck with this body that you now have.....you are self aware of yourself as your previous sex...but are now stuck in the body of the opposite sex! Your brain hasn't changed with the surgery, just your body, and now you gotta live your life as the opposite gender.. How tortourous that must be...and that explains the high suicide rate of transgender people. Did you know that a staggering 41 percent of transgender people in the United States have attempted to commit suicide? Often even before they turn the age of 20.


And what sickens me even more...is when Christians, due to a lack of knowledge, condemn these people and say they are being sinful for a medical condition that they had no control over. I have come across a countless number of transexual people who are unessecarly bitter towards Christians and Christianity because they have been scorned by so called loving "Christians". Some even expelled from their church. How sad that is....that some Christians cant get past a surface level understanding and be more sympathetic and understanding to these people. Christ called us to love...not to hate. and I simply cant condemn someone for a medical condition....a biological medical condition that they cannot help.

As of now, transition is the only known treatment of gender dysphoria.
I often hear people say "well, why dont they change their brain instead of their body?". The answer to me is clear. You see, you ARE your brain..your identity...your brain is YOU. Your body doesn't define who you are. So when people say that they should change their brain isntead [which, btw, is impossible because gender identity is wired into the brain before birth], they are practically telling them to change themselves...the core of who they are as a person...which is not right. Your body doesn't define you. Your body should reflect your brain....not your brain reflect your body. The body is just an outer case to who we are inside....us..the very core of us. Our emotions, thoughts, our heart...our soul and spirit.

I long to see the day when people will grasp and understand this....

Hi Elizabeth,

Hopefully, you have accepted Jesus as Savior and are praying to the Holy Spirit for discernment about what you're going through. The world will tell you to be true to yourself, but you won't go wrong if you're true to God.

While Nightfire makes some compelling arguments and has some valid points, my thinking on the subject is more aligned with John's. I'll have to research this more, but I believe that transgenderism as stemming from genetic origins is a widely-accepted "theory" of medical practitioners, not a scientific fact. And if environmental toxins, stress, or transmutated endocrinal hormones during fetal development are to blame for the condition and can be pinpointed, then that implies that transgenderism is a "disorder" as development went awry, not as God intended it.

Elizabeth, I don't believe that God condones homosexuality or makes mistakes and would have given you the secondary sex characteristics of a woman if He intended you to be a male. Moreover, if you have to go to extremes beyond those you mentioned, such as manipulating your body with male hormones and having gender reassignment surgeries (mastectomy, phalloplasty, etc.), in order for your exterior to mirror how you feel on the interior, it would be "playing God" and therefore sinful. Not to mention the obvious social repercussions of which you're already rightfully concerned. Still, you feel how you feel, and (as evidenced by Nightfire's intelligent post) many Christians completely disagree with John and me.

I tried to include some respectful links that present varying views of what your experiencing, but this forum won't let me paste them.

Best of luck to you, Elizabeth, and I'll keep you in my prayers.

James