I'm just thinking about it...

[Andres88]

A friend of mine just told me today that she was raped by her brother about six years ago, while they were both minors. Now he's 22 and she's 15. She never showed signs of isolation, nor were her relationships with other people affected negatively, except for her relationship with her brother.

It saddens me to hear that. Her brother has been a friend of mine for so long, and I can imagine the pain she has been going through when no one is around, when she's alone in her room. She was always smiling, so it's kind of difficult for me to get a full comprehension of this, if it weren't for my case, where I always have a smile on my face too, yet get depressed too often at night or when I'm alone.

She told me I'm the first person she tells about this, and that she wanted to talk to the pastor about that incident. Her brother did not continue doing anything on her, and he's also a Christian now since some years ago.

I understand why he doesn't want to come up and confront this with her sister asking for her forgiveness, and I see that it's definitely a hard thing for her to confront him about this and tell him what she has been going through during those six years.

It's hard to think about these things, and I can't be insensitive about it. What I do think is that, at some point, he has to talk with her sister about it and ask for her forgiveness. That would be a Christlike attitude in this sense. And I also see that it's going to be difficult to forgive him by her part, but if he truly repents, I think she should also forgive him; that would also be Christlike.

But then, I haven't talked to her about these considerations, because I wanted to hear your opinion guys. What should I advise her? How should it change my relationship with her brother? And how can I show her that she can count on me, that I'm there for her if she needs me, and that I will support her and continue loving her as a friend?

 

[icarusforde]

I think it comes down to showing over time that you really do care for her, and that you are going to be there for her.

Just be very careful though try and keep physical contact down to a minimum, because you say she's 15 years old, and you are 21 - you need to be so careful of accusations that can be made, and never think that it doesnt happen, cause it does, no matter how hard you try, it's a young girls word against yours, and it doesnt end well for the guy in any view.

really though, just be there, support her, be ready to talk anytime (this includes when you get a text or phonecall at 3am in the morning, just so you know what you in for!) and it should be ok...

Oh, and encourage her to see a counsellor or someone else who knows what they are doing a bit more. when it comes down to it, you can only do so much from an untrained viewpoint....

 

[Andres88]

Yup, that's true. Thanks.

 

[myanchor]

Okay, either go with her to the pastor about it or not, as she chooses. I don't know what your laws are like, but here there is no statute of limitations at least in some states. And here the pastor is legally required to tell of the abuse. Perhaps you should see the pastor first and ask him some 'hypothetical' questions. Then you can tell her if the brother will be arrested and charged.

She may chose to not pursue this because it would devastate her family. I'm not saying that is the best choice because it would still be poisoning her. But it may be her choice.

You also have to consider that it may be a means for her to garner your sympathy, and maybe get you to be her rescuer and marry her.

I am not saying any of what I am positing is true, just saying I've heard of things like this before.

Always be careful and never be anywhere alone with this underage girl, okay?

 

[UnitynLove]

Love her and don't judge her.

 

[ido]

I would definitely encourage her to seek counseling - either by going to her pastor or by calling a crisis counseling center (if you have them there).

I don't necessarily think it should change your relationship with her brother (your friend). You can't broach the subject with him because you would betray her choice to confide in you. But, you can pray for conviction of his spirit, so that hopefully he will see that the strain in his relationship with his sister was caused by his hurtful actions.

Just keep encouraging her to find the strength to talk to someone about it and let her know you're praying for her.

 

[Andres88]

She told me she went and talked about it to the pastor. Thanks for all your answers, and I'll be sure I can keep the other suggestions and advices in mind.

 

[ido]

Good! I will continue praying that she gets the help she needs.

 

[Johnnz]

Seems it was a sudden action that only happened once. That does not excuse or lessen it, but it does provide real hope for reconciliation. The brother should actively seek that. Probably another suitable person present there would be helpful. She must also do whatever is neccessary to process that horrible time as best she can.

John
NZ

 

[R.A.IN]

Pray for her, encourage her to seek counseling and be her friend. I would also encourage you to never be alone with her.

 

[Mayflower1]

All three of you are going to be in my prayers. Remember that it took real courage for her to tell you about what happened with her brother. Forgiveness could take a long time, but there might be hope for reconciliation. For awhile though, facing this is going to be hard, so just continue to be there for both of them. Prayer works many miracles. All things are possible with God. Praying for ya'll.

Shara