I feel like darkness is surrounding me from everywhere and I can't get out of it. I fell into endless sins and temptations. And the only theme in my mind is to end my life to stop this misery. I fed up with everything and everyone. The only one thing that prevents me from doing this is mom and dad probably they don't know anything about what is going on in my life and they will be sad but my life seems useless. I can't stand it anymore.
Sounds like depression. I'm bipolar, so I deal with two types of it: pure depression, and what they call "mixed states" where I'm both hyper and angry or sad. I was having suicidal thoughts myself just two weeks ago.
People who have never had depression or had it but had an easier time with it often give me advice that I never asked for, advice that doesn't help. And when I tell them that, they usually respond like I'm some kind of heathen who's rejected the Gospel. I like watching a channel on YouTube called "Polar Warriors," and in a recent episode the host was talking about how we have to be sympathetic to these kinds of people, because they don't realize that most of the worst emotions that normal people deal with are like a pinprick in the bipolar experience.
Their worst days are like
our regular days.
I'm not sure whether you're a "normal" person
, MaryNabil, or if you're bipolar, or if you're someone with really severe chronic depression. I don't know. But what I
do know is that the people who are going to understand you the best are the other people like me who have had suicidal thoughts before and aren't afraid about talking about them. Now, I don't know how old you are, but I'm a 33-year-old man, so understand that I'm a little reluctant to invite you to PM me because of how it looks. But I'd be happy to continue talking with you in this thread, and I'd encourage you to reach out in your personal life in Egypt to anybody you think might be open to finding you help.
As an Eastern Orthodox, I can also advise you that I kind of doubt whether any of the Protestants on here will be especially helpful to you as an Oriental Orthodox, because frankly, they're more likely to give advice that fits more into
their spiritual mindset than yours. What would be really awesome is if an older female from the Catholic or the EO or the OO subforums could talk to you in a PM, because I think more of what they could say to you would be helpful than what I or many of the Protestants here could contribute.
