I'm going crazy!

[musikbebe]

hello everyone.
here i am again confused as ever about a certain relationship that's been going thru the meat grinder. i'm in a kind of unstable relationship right now with a guy who's trying to figure out where he's going. been going out for about 4 years. i've been questioning my feelings and the directions we're both going the last year or so. i went as a counselor to a camp and met a person who is very very intriguing. problem = i really really want to get to know this person better, but i really can't b/c i don't feel right about that concerning my b/f. on the other hand, i've had so many doubts that this kind of looks like a sign that i need to move on. at the same time i told my bf i'd be here to support him. i guess in my ideal world my bf and i would both come to the calm conclusion that maybe we should be apart. just he doesn't feel that way. i do love him. somehow its different now. i can't deal with the responsibility of making such a devastating decision. i feel PSYCHO. Can anyone point me in a direction? please be gentle with criticism - i'm already feeling very foolish right now.
believer in distress,
musicbebe

 

[lilray]

Awww!! Don't worry - we're all crazy here!

i'm in a kind of unstable relationship right now with a guy who's trying to figure out where he's going. been going out for about 4 years. i've been questioning my feelings and the directions we're both going the last year or so.

Is he confused about your relationship or is it something else? Are you questioning your feelings because your bf is confused or because you have problems with your relationship as well? A year is a long time to question. What have you guys talked about as far as solutions?

i went as a counselor to a camp and met a person who is very very intriguing. problem = i really really want to get to know this person better, but i really can't b/c i don't feel right about that concerning my b/f. on the other hand, i've had so many doubts that this kind of looks like a sign that i need to move on.

even if it is a sign to move on, the fact that you have not begun to move on and you are still in a relationship tells you it is not the right time to show interest in this other guy. it's not fair to your bf (it is cheating no matter how unstable your relationship is). i don't think it's fair to you either because you can't honestly have sincere feelings for this new guy when you haven't begun to get over a 4 year relationship.

at the same time i told my bf i'd be here to support him.

keep your promise. God would not want you to break a promise and you'll only feel bad in the end if you break it.

i guess in my ideal world my bf and i would both come to the calm conclusion that maybe we should be apart. just he doesn't feel that way. i do love him. somehow its different now. i can't deal with the responsibility of making such a devastating decision. i feel PSYCHO. Can anyone point me in a direction?

you've got to have a sincere talk with your bf. i can't help you with what to say because i don't feel like i know the situation well enough. definitely, pray about it... but that's a given. share more info if you feel up to it. i'd love to try and help. i definitely understand the pain of ending a long term relationship. take care, musikbebe!! hang in - your not psycho.. it's just a rough time right now!

 

[Living4Him03]

I think I know somewhat what you're going through right now. I've gone through something similar in the past few months. I didn't date my ex as long as you have dated your b/f, but we dated long enough so that we had gotten somewhat serious. We've had our ups and downs. Then he stopped making an effort to see me, to talk to me, to be with me basically, yet still claimed he wanted to be with me. He basically wanted me to wait around for him until he could decide to make a commitment. I just didn't feel right about that but it took me awhile to admit that. Then, I heard from a friend of mine serving overseas, a guy I've always wanted to get to know better. I finally had to admit to my b/f that I was interested in getting to know other guys, especially since he had decided I was not worth his time. It was one of the hardest things I've ever done! I was devastated having to tell him I had feelings for someone else and that I could no longer wait around for him. I was practically in love with him. But I had to pray about it and ask God to convict me of what I should do. After praying and thinking about it for awhile I decided it was best we both take some time away from each other to grow. He isn't too happy about that and feels like I'm not being clear on how I feel and he still doesn't really get why I had to break things off.

I guess I just wanted you to know that I know how it feels. It is confusing and you do feel guilty for the feelings you have for someone else. However, in the long run you have to do what's best for both you and your b/f. It sounds like maybe the two of you do need some time apart to grow closer to God and figure out what His will is for the both of you, whether it's to be together or apart. Pray about it and ask that God will give you the wisdom to know His will, even if it's not what makes everyone happy. Take your time with it and just be open with your b/f and communicate what you're feeling and thinking with him. God bless! Hope that helped!

 

[musikbebe]

Is he confused about your relationship or is it something else? Are you questioning your feelings because your bf is confused or because you have problems with your relationship as well? A year is a long time to question. What have you guys talked about as far as solutions?

He knows that he's still in love with me. I question my feelings because we're also in a semi LDR during the school year (different colleges). when we would see each other, it would be awkward for me sometimes. i guess there's some lil things that have happened that just like snow ball when they're all added together...it basically feels like it just doesn't click anymore. i'm a very focused person educated/career wise and i know that i don't want to be with someone who isn't. its also sort of a question of how long do i wait to find out if he will be or not (he's taking steps to figure out what he wants to do right now...slowly but surely). solutions = i try not to freak out about little stuff (maybe its the little stuff that's important to me now) and try to be supportive while he takes steps to move in the right direction.

even if it is a sign to move on, the fact that you have not begun to move on and you are still in a relationship tells you it is not the right time to show interest in this other guy. it's not fair to your bf (it is cheating no matter how unstable your relationship is). i don't think it's fair to you either because you can't honestly have sincere feelings for this new guy when you haven't begun to get over a 4 year relationship.

i agree that i probably shouldn't put myself in situations with this guy. its kind of weird but it feels like somethings dead in my current relationship. i've been pushing away from my bf as horrible as that is. still doesn't make it alright. lol guess i'm kinda thinkin to myself right now....just thoughts in stream of conscience order

keep your promise. God would not want you to break a promise and you'll only feel bad in the end if you break it.

i will feel bad about that. its just that...i'm questioning how long i have to wait. my bf has put off things a while and its almost hitting the too little too late line. how long should i be supportive?? will it make it harder if i have this small feeling inside that it won't work out in the long run?

mm. so many feelings. thank you for your stories and support lilray and living4him. i think i mite consider telling him about having feelings for someone else...or knowing that there's a lot of potential. You're responses are appreciated more than you know! alrite lemme know what you think.

 

[lilray]

He knows that he's still in love with me. I question my feelings because we're also in a semi LDR during the school year (different colleges). when we would see each other, it would be awkward for me sometimes. i guess there's some lil things that have happened that just like snow ball when they're all added together...it basically feels like it just doesn't click anymore. i'm a very focused person educated/career wise and i know that i don't want to be with someone who isn't. its also sort of a question of how long do i wait to find out if he will be or not (he's taking steps to figure out what he wants to do right now...slowly but surely). solutions = i try not to freak out about little stuff (maybe its the little stuff that's important to me now) and try to be supportive while he takes steps to move in the right direction.

ok.. it sounds like the long distance thing has taken its toll. it sounds like maybe you guys aren't communicating enough anymore (i know that sounds cheesy). you are not telling him these little things that bother you and he is not being completely honest about what he wants for his future. even if he doesn't know for sure he must have some sort of feel about his future. these things that keep building are building because you need to talk to your bf about them. if you can't forget them, they're not really little and you've gotta work through them. you both still love each other. i think if you're both still 100% committed to your relationship you can work thru it. it sounds like neither one of you are sure if you are still committed. LDR are work. they are very hard.. it's normal to question whether or not you can make it. maybe you both feel too young or don't have the time to commit to an LDR.

i will feel bad about that. its just that...i'm questioning how long i have to wait. my bf has put off things a while and its almost hitting the too little too late line. how long should i be supportive?? will it make it harder if i have this small feeling inside that it won't work out in the long run?

if you're waiting for him to make up his mind about your relationship, you should let him go. if he comes back then he will be committed to it. a relationship won't work unless you both are committed and both put yourselves out there. even if you let him go, you can still be supportive as a friend. it'll be easier to stay friends since you won't have to see him. you can email.

mm. so many feelings. thank you for your stories and support lilray and living4him. i think i mite consider telling him about having feelings for someone else...or knowing that there's a lot of potential. You're responses are appreciated more than you know! alrite lemme know what you think.

i wouldn't tell him you have feelings for someone else. the feelings for someone else are not the problem in the relationship. it's merely a symptom of a problem. you are pushing him away and it makes it easier to let go if you have someone else to think of, but that's not fair to you or him. revealing this will only hurt your bf and possibly keep you from remaining friends. besides, you aren't even positive you want it to be over. you may find as you REALLY talk to your bf that you do want to stay together.

 

[lilray]

mm. so many feelings. thank you for your stories and support lilray and living4him. You're responses are appreciated more than you know! alrite lemme know what you think.

just wanted to add - you are so sweet! as long as your honest with your bf and with yourself, that's all you can do. just pray with and then talk to your bf. see how you both feel. be as gentle with your words as possible - after all it's your heart and his you're talking about.

 

[musikbebe]

thanks lilray! you make me blush

anyone elses thoughts are also quite welcome!

 

[desi]

You're not married; hence, you are wasting time in a relationship you know is not going to work.

 

[Pope Gonzo]

Take a significant portion of time away from guys to get things straight in your own heart with God.