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i'm confused....PLS help =(

ricecrispies

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can I ask u guys a question.....I was in a situation when I was 18/19. I was drinking a lot with a friend, and we both got drunk. I know I did, although I'm not sure if I was extremely intoxicated, because I remember little parts here and there. I remember walking to another apartment, I remember going in a room, that I thought was my friend's bedroom, but was actually a storage room of some sort (which I figured out after I may have stumbled on boxes) and I remember commenting on the room and saying that his bedroom is really dark.

What happened in that room was something I will never forget. I am still very much confused and don't know if it was my fault. From what I somewhat remember, he turned me around and he had intercourse with me. After that was over, I would squint my eyes and see some light from the door opening because it was completely dark in the room, and I suppose someone else came in the room, I didn't know who it was, and I was forced into giving him oral sex (I'm not sure if it was really forced, because I know I didn't hesitate), after that, i would see light again, and someone else would come in......i'm sure if i remember, i saw a lineup outside the storage room. I'm not sure how many guys came into that room.

After I left, I remember my "friend" (the guy who took me in that room the first time), buying a band aid because I had a big cut on my knee. Which I don't know how I got. Which makes me confused as to whether I kind of knew what was happening or not, because it didn't hurt, and i didn't know how I got it. Until now, 8 yrs later, it's a big scar, and a bad memory.

The thing that I'm confused about is that, although I was drunk, I remember these little things, but not exactly what happened. I keep thinking to myself that maybe I let this happen, or wanted it to happen. Even though he knew I was drunk and took advantage of me, did I still let it happen since I remember parts of the situation? Sometimes I think to myself, that maybe I was just a ****. I know they're wrong for taking advantage of me while being intoxicated, but I'm still confused. Am I still considered a victim, if I may have partially knew what I was doing?

I've been able to go on with my life, but have thoughts almost everyday about what happened. A feeling like a stab in the heart. But am I partially to blame? :cry:
 

ricecrispies

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Thanks. I haven't talked to anyone about this, except that my parents know, a couple of family members, really close friends, and my ex boyfriend. They have never told me that it wasn't my fault. And I never wanna talk about it with anyone because I feel like it was my fault. But deep, deep, DEEP inside I guess I do feel that it wasn't my fault. I just need some people reassuring me :(
 
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CarolinaMom

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Did you ask them to do this to you? Did you say "Hey perverts, line up and come do me one by one!" NO! YOU ARE NOT AT FAULT HERE! So many women think it's their fault when these things happen. Yes, alcohol does let your guard down, but come on! Is this something you would have done in your right mind? NO!

Just because you remember this event doesn't make it your fault either. Your "friend" (and whomever else) took advantage of you.
 
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shazabella

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ricecrispies said:
can I ask u guys a question.....I was in a situation when I was 18/19. I was drinking a lot with a friend, and we both got drunk. I know I did, although I'm not sure if I was extremely intoxicated, because I remember little parts here and there. I remember walking to another apartment, I remember going in a room, that I thought was my friend's bedroom, but was actually a storage room of some sort (which I figured out after I may have stumbled on boxes) and I remember commenting on the room and saying that his bedroom is really dark.

What happened in that room was something I will never forget. I am still very much confused and don't know if it was my fault. From what I somewhat remember, he turned me around and he had intercourse with me. After that was over, I would squint my eyes and see some light from the door opening because it was completely dark in the room, and I suppose someone else came in the room, I didn't know who it was, and I was forced into giving him oral sex (I'm not sure if it was really forced, because I know I didn't hesitate), after that, i would see light again, and someone else would come in......i'm sure if i remember, i saw a lineup outside the storage room. I'm not sure how many guys came into that room.

After I left, I remember my "friend" (the guy who took me in that room the first time), buying a band aid because I had a big cut on my knee. Which I don't know how I got. Which makes me confused as to whether I kind of knew what was happening or not, because it didn't hurt, and i didn't know how I got it. Until now, 8 yrs later, it's a big scar, and a bad memory.

The thing that I'm confused about is that, although I was drunk, I remember these little things, but not exactly what happened. I keep thinking to myself that maybe I let this happen, or wanted it to happen. Even though he knew I was drunk and took advantage of me, did I still let it happen since I remember parts of the situation? Sometimes I think to myself, that maybe I was just a ****. I know they're wrong for taking advantage of me while being intoxicated, but I'm still confused. Am I still considered a victim, if I may have partially knew what I was doing?

I've been able to go on with my life, but have thoughts almost everyday about what happened. A feeling like a stab in the heart. But am I partially to blame? :cry:

By the sounds of it you were too intoxicated to give consent so without consent it was rape ... I am so sorry this happened to you but just know it was not your fault and that you are not alone in this ... i agree with everything everyone else has said - its not your fault.

- Shaz
 
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Mr.Cheese

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This sounds like it was planned. It is never ok to do this to a person. This was not your fault. They may have put something in your drink as well. you are not to blame. Someone, or several someones have maliciously victimized you. You are not a sl** or anything like that.
You are a survivor. *hug*

I highly recommend drinking buddies, someone you go out with and return with, so you can watch out for one another, someone you know well and trust. We live in a jacked up world.
 
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ricecrispies

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Mr.Cheese, thanks for the hug....I know they didn't put anything in my drink coz i was the one that was pouring it.

I'm doing my best to tell myself it's not my fault. Being reassured by all you wonderful people helps me out a lot.

It's just the part where I remember certain things, and feel like maybe I didn't really care that it happened, BECAUSE I remember some of those things. I am begining to believe it isn't my fault, but now comes another difficult part......trying not to think about it everyday.

Thank you all for your help! God bless every single one of you! xoxoxo :holy:
 
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