can I ask u guys a question.....I was in a situation when I was 18/19. I was drinking a lot with a friend, and we both got drunk. I know I did, although I'm not sure if I was extremely intoxicated, because I remember little parts here and there. I remember walking to another apartment, I remember going in a room, that I thought was my friend's bedroom, but was actually a storage room of some sort (which I figured out after I may have stumbled on boxes) and I remember commenting on the room and saying that his bedroom is really dark.
What happened in that room was something I will never forget. I am still very much confused and don't know if it was my fault. From what I somewhat remember, he turned me around and he had intercourse with me. After that was over, I would squint my eyes and see some light from the door opening because it was completely dark in the room, and I suppose someone else came in the room, I didn't know who it was, and I was forced into giving him oral sex (I'm not sure if it was really forced, because I know I didn't hesitate), after that, i would see light again, and someone else would come in......i'm sure if i remember, i saw a lineup outside the storage room. I'm not sure how many guys came into that room.
After I left, I remember my "friend" (the guy who took me in that room the first time), buying a band aid because I had a big cut on my knee. Which I don't know how I got. Which makes me confused as to whether I kind of knew what was happening or not, because it didn't hurt, and i didn't know how I got it. Until now, 8 yrs later, it's a big scar, and a bad memory.
The thing that I'm confused about is that, although I was drunk, I remember these little things, but not exactly what happened. I keep thinking to myself that maybe I let this happen, or wanted it to happen. Even though he knew I was drunk and took advantage of me, did I still let it happen since I remember parts of the situation? Sometimes I think to myself, that maybe I was just a ****. I know they're wrong for taking advantage of me while being intoxicated, but I'm still confused. Am I still considered a victim, if I may have partially knew what I was doing?
I've been able to go on with my life, but have thoughts almost everyday about what happened. A feeling like a stab in the heart. But am I partially to blame?
What happened in that room was something I will never forget. I am still very much confused and don't know if it was my fault. From what I somewhat remember, he turned me around and he had intercourse with me. After that was over, I would squint my eyes and see some light from the door opening because it was completely dark in the room, and I suppose someone else came in the room, I didn't know who it was, and I was forced into giving him oral sex (I'm not sure if it was really forced, because I know I didn't hesitate), after that, i would see light again, and someone else would come in......i'm sure if i remember, i saw a lineup outside the storage room. I'm not sure how many guys came into that room.
After I left, I remember my "friend" (the guy who took me in that room the first time), buying a band aid because I had a big cut on my knee. Which I don't know how I got. Which makes me confused as to whether I kind of knew what was happening or not, because it didn't hurt, and i didn't know how I got it. Until now, 8 yrs later, it's a big scar, and a bad memory.
The thing that I'm confused about is that, although I was drunk, I remember these little things, but not exactly what happened. I keep thinking to myself that maybe I let this happen, or wanted it to happen. Even though he knew I was drunk and took advantage of me, did I still let it happen since I remember parts of the situation? Sometimes I think to myself, that maybe I was just a ****. I know they're wrong for taking advantage of me while being intoxicated, but I'm still confused. Am I still considered a victim, if I may have partially knew what I was doing?
I've been able to go on with my life, but have thoughts almost everyday about what happened. A feeling like a stab in the heart. But am I partially to blame?
