I have been with my finance for the past six years. About six weeks ago I felt alone. I turned to a friend for comfort and advice. We began talking and he stated he had stronger feelings for me. I told him we should not continue even as friends, he kept pushing and pushing. I held my ground. There was no physical contact. I do not love my friend in that respect but I do certainly love my finance. My friend told his wife about his feelings for me, which in turn she sent an email to my finance, which totally blindsided him. He will not listen to me, he feels betrayed that I went outside of our relationship to talk to someone. He said that someone in love doesn't do that. I am so confused right now, I need my fiance and love him with all my heart. Yes I betrayed him by talking about our relationship to someone else. Please help me, I am praying and praying, only to have the floor drop our farther and farther. Please someone help me...
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I'm an idiot
- Thread starter rrgentry
- Start date
I am sorry to hear this. Not to upset you even further, but if you have to talk to someone so badly, it needs to be a friend of the same sex or a family member. Maybe someone from church. I also think your fiance is over-reacting. It was just talk. The wife is hurting and wanted to hurt you as well. You did nothing wrong. It's not your fault he was attracted to you, but she needs someone to blame. Keep praying and ask your fiance for his forgiveness. Is he Christian? If so, I can't understand why he wouldn't at least sit down and talk to you. You need to have a heart-to-heart talk with him. I'll be praying!
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P3nguin1
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I know this kind of situation can be difficult as I have experienced something similar.
Is your fiance` saved?
If he is interested in talking to someone who knows how he feels, because I have been there, have him send me an e-mail.
[email address removed- E-beth]
I know that when I went through this it would have helped to talk to somone who has been through it.
I can offer this hope:
It is very helpful that nothing physical happened, he is feeling betrayed but if you are both committed this can be overcome and it will be a distant memory.
My fiance` and I will pray for you and yours tonight.
Is your fiance` saved?
If he is interested in talking to someone who knows how he feels, because I have been there, have him send me an e-mail.
[email address removed- E-beth]
I know that when I went through this it would have helped to talk to somone who has been through it.
I can offer this hope:
It is very helpful that nothing physical happened, he is feeling betrayed but if you are both committed this can be overcome and it will be a distant memory.
My fiance` and I will pray for you and yours tonight.
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P3nguin1
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Even though it was "just talk" he still might be hurt. It is important that she does not minimize his feelings by saying things like "it was just talk" or "you are over-reacting"Mom4Christ said:
Maybe he IS in fact over-reacting but thats the last thing he is going to want to hear.
As to why he won't just sit down and talk to her, my guess is he will when he is ready. When us guys are hurt we sometimes withdraw and close off. Give it some time and continue to tell us that you Love us and we usually come around.
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- Oct 23, 2003
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Sorry, but I think he'd have a hard time finding out another is involved in this...P3nguin1 said:
I think you may need to let him calm down, then try and talk about it. If he doesn't listen now, then you have bigger issues to deal with.
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E-beth
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Let your fiance mull it over and I am sure he will come back around once the shock wears off.
My husband and I both have friends of the opposite sex. And we tell our friends just about everything about our marriage, our thoughts, etc. The difference is, one, we are married so we know that the commitment is there, and two, we tell each other everything that we talk about with our friends. We don't hide emails, and we don't say anything that would be hurtful to each other. And it works for us.
Your fiance needs to learn that you will have outside friends of both sexes. Discuss NOW about how he is gonna deal with that, like what is acceptable and not. And you have to think about how you would feel if he was talking about you with a girl at work or something.
I will be praying for you both. And I know God will work it out.
My husband and I both have friends of the opposite sex. And we tell our friends just about everything about our marriage, our thoughts, etc. The difference is, one, we are married so we know that the commitment is there, and two, we tell each other everything that we talk about with our friends. We don't hide emails, and we don't say anything that would be hurtful to each other. And it works for us.
Your fiance needs to learn that you will have outside friends of both sexes. Discuss NOW about how he is gonna deal with that, like what is acceptable and not. And you have to think about how you would feel if he was talking about you with a girl at work or something.
I will be praying for you both. And I know God will work it out.
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i am sorry, please dont falme me for this (many people would) , but it appears you fiance might be overreacting just a tidbit, give him time , just to clarify, i am not judging you in anyway , good luck oh and you are certainly not an idiot
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Personally I wouldn't go to another guy for advice, unless their is someone else there with you, preferably female. I know that Christian counsellors are advised not to see someone of the opposite sex unless there is another person around. (my MIL is a Christian counsellor) You are wise to cut off the friendship - I know that my husband would not want me to be around someone who had feelings for me, it just isn't right.
I also think his wife had no business telling your fiancee about the situation.
Personally I think you should have told your fiancee that you were having problems in the relationship and you were going to talk to someone about it. I never talk to anyone else about my problems without telling my husband first. After all there should be no secrets in marriage.
Have you asked your fiancee's forgiveness? He is probably afraid that you have betrayed his trust with this man. Even though you say there is no physical contact.
I also think his wife had no business telling your fiancee about the situation.
Personally I think you should have told your fiancee that you were having problems in the relationship and you were going to talk to someone about it. I never talk to anyone else about my problems without telling my husband first. After all there should be no secrets in marriage.
Have you asked your fiancee's forgiveness? He is probably afraid that you have betrayed his trust with this man. Even though you say there is no physical contact.
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- Oct 23, 2003
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Now as for going to another guy, I have to agree with the above statement. It is wrong, and bad. An affair doesn't just instantly happen, you form a bond, then it lowers your guard. Sharing info like this is the best way to form this bond.
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rrgentry, This is trial in your life, remmember if you hold through this you will come out with victory. We do not know Gods plans, but even though cituations that hurt us, God can turn things so that they work for our good. I am praying to God that he helps you out, but you also need to trust into Lord that He will help, so what you really need to do is find place where you can pour your hart out to Him, He made and will anderstand you most and beside God is most able to give speediest help you need.
Also thank God ahead for everything which would be also a step of showing God that you trust Him that He Will Not Let Down.
Also thank God ahead for everything which would be also a step of showing God that you trust Him that He Will Not Let Down.
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rrgentry,
First of all, a big hug to you
I agree that its important to go to your fiance/spouse when you feel lonely and not to other people unless they are the same sex. A small lesson learned, but nothing that you did that is horribly wrong.
Any updates on the situation? You did nothing wrong - you didn't tell your fiance to protect him. I mean maybe it wasn't the right decision but its certainly forgiveable!
First of all, a big hug to you
I agree that its important to go to your fiance/spouse when you feel lonely and not to other people unless they are the same sex. A small lesson learned, but nothing that you did that is horribly wrong.
Any updates on the situation? You did nothing wrong - you didn't tell your fiance to protect him. I mean maybe it wasn't the right decision but its certainly forgiveable!
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