I'm an alcoholic

[monograso]

Things have happened in my life but I'm not going to make excuses. I drink. A lot. Don't know why I'm posting here yet. I guess maybe just to say hi to others who are going through the same thing. I'll probably write more later..............

 

[BobW188]

Please do; and give a look at some of the other threads here. We are people ranging from no sobriety to several weeks to more than two decades. I think you'll see a lot of your story in ours.

 

[madison1101]

Hi there,
It sounds like you might fit in here just fine. I used to drink, a lot. Now, I go to AA and work the 12 steps and have learned to live my life without alcohol completely free of it.

I hope you will consider visiting an AA meeting. If you are unsure, you can read about it at Alcoholics Anonymous :

God bless.

Trish

 

[Hupomone10]

Thanks for posting here. My heart goes out to you, and I will be praying for you shortly on my prayer walk that I take every day. I remember vividly the day when I lost an $86,000 job from things stemming back to drink. I remember my wife falling to the ground when she heard that news and getting nauseous. And the later progression of the alcoholism I had developed as things didn't seem to work out. I had not stopped digging the hole.

I lost the family also. And yet God started to work. My sponsor a few year back when I started the road to recovery told me "the first 6 months I was sober I couldn't even work, I was so messed up from the drugs and alcohol. And yet here I am with a 1 million per year company." That encouraged me; I realized it was possible for me as well.

Most of us are in the "getting our attention" phase with God when we first get sober. We have dug the hole pretty deep, and it will turn around slowly.

Most here have come to that important realization - that they were alcoholics. This is the first step, and in some ways the most important - that I realize I am powerless over alcohol. We think we control our lives, and we want to control our lives. So, for the alcoholic, one of the first things he tries to do is control alcohol.

It is worse when it seems to ease the depression.

There is recovery, and it starts with realizing we are powerless, and running to Him who is Power - Christ.

Continue to post. It will help, and we will respond.

 

[Hupomone10]

I hope you will continue to check in during this critical time, monograso. Here's something that helped me during the darkest hours, I read it many times. Hope it will help as well.

“So, what must you do when you fail as a child of God? The first thing you must not do is to think there’s no hope, no help, no way out. That would be to deny the power of the One who rescued you from the greatest of all failures or to deny the fact that God is for you (Romans 8:31-32). God is always there for you. If you say there’s no hope, you’re listening to the father of lies (John 8:44). … You may think there’s no recovery from your failure. But my friend, if you have God, you have a future – and it’s not a dismal one…. So, do not give in to despair – God is your Redeemer. He’s the God of another chance to all who genuinely have a change of mind and throw themselves into His outstretched arms and bury their heads in His all-sufficient breast.”

“Those who keep looking back at their failures will never win the race set before them. We can evaluate where and how we failed for the purpose of learning and growing, but the past is never, ever to be our focus. If it is, it will cripple our future…”

“So, pull out of spiritual defeat or depression as a survivor, forgetting what lies behind and pressing on to what lies before you. If you will take God at His word, your failure will become a steppingstone to greater Christ-likeness and intimacy with God. Failure will become a means to an end rather than “The End.” Failure can be either a stumbling block that flattens you or a steppingstone to a life of success built upon the immovable Cornerstone (Jesus). It’s all a matter of whom you choose to believe. God wants every one of His children to switch from walking by feelings to walking by faith – faith that’s based in the truth of His Word. And how well He teaches us this through our disappointments, including our failures past and present.”

“Something I constantly have to remind myself is that whatever happens, happens. Once it’s done, there’s no changing it. No matter how hard I try, I cannot erase the past. No matter how much I might wish, stew, worry, or weep, no matter how long I kick myself around the block, I cannot undo what’s been done. If it were possible, I would undo it. But I can’t. I know that, and you know that, and God knows that. Whatever happened, happened. We can’t remake our pasts. But with God we can handle the past. With God, whatever has happened in the past need not destroy us.”

“Of course we’ll face and many times reap the consequences of the past. But for the child of God there is hope. God is God, the God of all hope.
No matter what has happened in our backgrounds, with God there is grace, peace, and hope if we’ll run to Him and bring every past disappointment captive to faith in His word…. Where there is hope there can never be despair…”

“When the opportunity came, you chose what you wanted at that moment, and yet later you were sorry you responded as you did. Now you regret it. You grieve because you failed. In your mind you go over and over what could have been different if you had responded as you should have responded. But take a few minutes now to think about these negatives from your past that linger in your thoughts and concerns. What positive changes have they brought about in your own character and in your relationship with God and with others?…”

“O beloved, wouldn’t it make a difference if we could see that each one of our hurts from the past represents an opportunity to take God at His Word? “Be it done to you according to your faith,” Jesus said in Matthew 9:29. If we have faith and do not doubt, He said that we can tell this mountain (this obstacle of regrets, this hill of what-if’s) to be taken up and cast into the sea, and it will happen (Matthew 21:21)”

“Success is learning from failure. Failure, when it happens is an opportunity to begin again more intelligently. Failure is only failure if we don’t learn from it.”

- from “As Silver Refined” by Kay Arthur

 

[gray100]

Things have happened in my life but I'm not going to make excuses. I drink. A lot. Don't know why I'm posting here yet. I guess maybe just to say hi to others who are going through the same thing. I'll probably write more later..............

Hi Monograso

Welcome to the forums and congrats on taking the first step towards your recovery from alcoholism.

Many alcoholics try to excuse and rationalise their drinking by blaming circumstances in their lives that cause them to turn to the bottle. It takes a lot of honesty and courage to admit that you have a problem with drink and to seek help for it. So all credit to you on taking that step.

I would recommend visiting your doctor who will discuss the appropriate treatment options available to you. For some alcoholics, sudden withdrawal from alcohol can be dangerous, so I would always recommend medical supervision for anyone who is planning on quitting drinking. Your doctor will decide whether it is safe for you to go 'cold turkey' or whether it is better to get a detox.

Many alcoholics who wish to stay sober find it helpful to belong to a support group such as AA where they get help and encouragement from fellow members. There they share experiences on how they remain sober and deal with the problems that they used to turn to drink to solve.

I wish you all the very best.

 

[madison1101]

Hi Monograso

Welcome to the forums and congrats on taking the first step towards your recovery from alcoholism.

Many alcoholics try to excuse and rationalise their drinking by blaming circumstances in their lives that cause them to turn to the bottle. It takes a lot of honesty and courage to admit that you have a problem with drink and to seek help for it. So all credit to you on taking that step.

I would recommend visiting your doctor who will discuss the appropriate treatment options available to you. For some alcoholics, sudden withdrawal from alcohol can be dangerous, so I would always recommend medical supervision for anyone who is planning on quitting drinking. Your doctor will decide whether it is safe for you to go 'cold turkey' or whether it is better to get a detox.

Many alcoholics who wish to stay sober find it helpful to belong to a support group such as AA where they get help and encouragement from fellow members. There they share experiences on how they remain sober and deal with the problems that they used to turn to drink to solve.

I wish you all the very best.

Excellent advice to seek medical attention. Family doctor can advise on detoxing and assess need for rehab or other options for treatment of alcoholism. Thanks Gray.

 

[hotsauce5000]

get-r-done

 

[monograso]

Thanks for the welcome and all the input guys. I read through it all and I appreciate it. Right now I'm kind of in a tough spot. I realize probably the only way I'm going to be able to recover from this is some type of detox program and AA or something like that. I have no control over my drinking right now, as I'm sure you all can relate to. My problem is that I've only been out of prison a month...newly on parole, and one of my conditions of parole is no alcohol. My PA hasn't made me submit to a UA or breathalyzer or anything yet, and somehow by the grace of God I've been able to slide by during his visits so far. But if I am caught drinking or even with alcohol in my possession, I'm going back to jail. I was lucky to get out after 15 months on what was supposed to be a 10-20 year sentence, and right now I just don't want to push my luck. I'm not trying to go back to that place. I don't know my PA very well yet but he doesn't seem like the kinda guy I can have a real man to man conversation with...kinda seems like a power trippin' S.O.B. to tell you the truth. So I've just been trying to lay low. Right now I've got some real anger issues too. While I was in prison I devised a detailed plan on how I was going to kill a particular person when I got out. It was just something to pass the time, but now that I'm drinking as heavily as I am I'm scared to leave the house for fear that I'll actually do it. To say I'm a violent drunk is an understatement. Anyway, I feel like this is all over the place. Sorry if it's hard to follow. I want to get help, I know I need to. But if I admit to my PA that I've been drinking, I'm afraid I'll end up back in the slammer.

 

[madison1101]

Thanks for the welcome and all the input guys. I read through it all and I appreciate it. Right now I'm kind of in a tough spot. I realize probably the only way I'm going to be able to recover from this is some type of detox program and AA or something like that. I have no control over my drinking right now, as I'm sure you all can relate to. My problem is that I've only been out of prison a month...newly on parole, and one of my conditions of parole is no alcohol. My PA hasn't made me submit to a UA or breathalyzer or anything yet, and somehow by the grace of God I've been able to slide by during his visits so far. But if I am caught drinking or even with alcohol in my possession, I'm going back to jail. I was lucky to get out after 15 months on what was supposed to be a 10-20 year sentence, and right now I just don't want to push my luck. I'm not trying to go back to that place. I don't know my PA very well yet but he doesn't seem like the kinda guy I can have a real man to man conversation with...kinda seems like a power trippin' S.O.B. to tell you the truth. So I've just been trying to lay low. Right now I've got some real anger issues too. While I was in prison I devised a detailed plan on how I was going to kill a particular person when I got out. It was just something to pass the time, but now that I'm drinking as heavily as I am I'm scared to leave the house for fear that I'll actually do it. To say I'm a violent drunk is an understatement. Anyway, I feel like this is all over the place. Sorry if it's hard to follow. I want to get help, I know I need to. But if I admit to my PA that I've been drinking, I'm afraid I'll end up back in the slammer.

Then, get to a detox and get sober. Rehab was the only way I could do it this time.

 

[monograso]

Then, get to a detox and get sober. Rehab was the only way I could do it this time.

Well a parole violation is not going to lead to detox right away. I'll have to do time before they endorse me for any of that stuff. And, frankly, I'd rather be dead than ever spend another day behind bars. But that's just me.

 

[madison1101]

Well a parole violation is not going to lead to detox right away. I'll have to do time before they endorse me for any of that stuff. And, frankly, I'd rather be dead than ever spend another day behind bars. But that's just me.

What is stopping you from getting to a detox and getting sober without getting the parole violation? I have been in rehab, in and outpatient, with plenty of people who needed help and avoided jail by getting it.

 

[monograso]

What is stopping you from getting to a detox and getting sober without getting the parole violation? I have been in rehab, in and outpatient, with plenty of people who needed help and avoided jail by getting it.

Because one of my conditions of parole was that I was not to drink or be in possession of any alcohol whatsoever. In order for me to be released from prison, I had to sign piles upon piles of paperwork stating what I can and cannot do. I signed an acknowledgement that if I was caught with any alcohol in my system or in my possession that I would be sent back. Not to Leavenworth again, but to Ventura County Jail where they would process me accordingly.

 

[madison1101]

Because one of my conditions of parole was that I was not to drink or be in possession of any alcohol whatsoever. In order for me to be released from prison, I had to sign piles upon piles of paperwork stating what I can and cannot do. I signed an acknowledgement that if I was caught with any alcohol in my system or in my possession that I would be sent back. Not to Leavenworth again, but to Ventura County Jail where they would process me accordingly.

Well, you could go to a family doctor and discuss your drinking quantities with him/her, and ask for help detoxing on an outpatient level. There are meds they can give you that will help prevent seizures. I have known of people who have died detoxing without medical supervision. Detoxing usually only takes about 3 days. Then, seek outpatient treatment, which usually means three nights a week, three hours a night, of group therapy. I did several, and the last one I was in was the best. It is an option a lot of insurances will support, as it is cheaper than inpatient treatment. You could also go to Alcoholics Anonymous : and find AA meetings to attend and start working the AA program, which is free. My first two sobrieties, one 8 years, and one 6 years, were achieved just by going to AA meetings.

IF you continue to drink, it will not get better. Alcoholism is a progressive disease, which only gets worse. You are almost guaranteed a trip back to prison if you do not seek the help that is available. Doctor, outpatient treatment and AA are viable options.

Just my 2 cents.

 

[monograso]

ok

 

[hotsauce5000]

dude,
i can relate to that.
i am on probation and cannot posses or consume alcohol, or lie to the people at the "communtiy supervision department".

they put that on me when i was bonded out and they put that on me when i was blessed with probation.

i dont trust those people and i dont think i could handle being locked up.

when i was in the county jail, i had a spiritual awakening- and that showed me that i did not need and could not drink anymore. that was before the judge ordered me so.

to me, not trusting those people. who lost my file and gave me an enormous run around- it was an easy choice to make. ive done all that. getting drunk, doing stupid crap, spending so-much-effort, to put that poison in my body. once you can get through the initial phase of not consuming alcohol, it gets easier. you can find an aa home group that you are comfortable with, and spend time going there, instead of to a bar or getting drunk at home. not to mention DOING time.

my life has changed so much for the better since i gave up on alcohol and gave all my problems to god. just yesterday after church i ran into an old friend. he is a convicted felon and may go back for something he did. i am in such a better place in my spiritual and personal life that i can be a good friend to him SOBER, and offered to be there when he goes to court.

today he called me, he was asked to have a spiritual advisor to help guide him through his rough patch and stay alive through it. well he asked ME to be that for him.

aint that somethin? god works miracles and here i am, sober and strong, able to say yes to him. just for reference, we used to party a lot many years ago, and i was the one always out of control, having to get carried home or getting arrested for being drunk.

my roughest patch began in october of 2008, i got arrested for dwi, and not the first time. its 20 months later and god has touched my heart, i have jesus in my heart every day.

from my perspective, you are at a major crossroad in your life. make a choice, alcohol or no alcohol. everyone here will tell you which road to take, but your choice is the one that matters.

so think real hard and pray with conviction.


you may want to go read the thread i made a while back, its title has my name on it.

my name is hotsauce


good luck and god bless

 

[bigbadredpajamas]

Well Torrez (monograso) is back in prison. If you guys could pray for him if that's your thing. Thanks.

 

[Hupomone10]

Well Torrez (monograso) is back in prison. If you guys could pray for him if that's your thing. Thanks.

We will do that. Recovery from this is possible. I was a hard case, but yesterday I celebrated 2 yrs 9 months without a single drink. It has been a wonderful spiritual journey, but there are plenty of stumbling blocks along the way.

Here's something I wrote for myself and for another:
When you're in a hole, for a long time it seems like things are not getting any better.
A person once asked, "when am I going to be over this; when is it going to start getting better?"
He is told, "when you crash, when you reach bottom. Everyone has to reach their bottom."
He asks, "how do you know when you reach your bottom?"
He is told,
"when you stop digging."

"Stop living in the problem, and start living in the Solution." - a quote from many recovered alcoholics."

We all to some measure choose how deep the hole is; but there is encouragement in it as well; there is a bottom. The journey for each is different, and taylored by our loving Father to meet us in our situation. Mine was deep, but His recovery is truly wonderful.

H.

 

[Your Friend Adam]

Get 'cher butt to an AA meeting.

Sounds like you need to try something new, because what you've been doing ain't working.

Try going to 90 meetings in 90 days and on the days you go to a meeting, don't drink.

And get a freaking sponsor man!

Godspeed!

 

[hotsauce5000]

is there a way to get contact info?

i think it would be great if we could write a letter to him. i guess he doesnt have internet access.