I'm about to fall apart...

[peterparker]

Today I finally accepted the fact that my fear is making me hate God. On top of that I can't find anything in the Bible that points to God accepting me. It seems all he wants are good people who keep his commandments and repent for their sins.

This is all just tearing me apart. I'm on the verge of a break down. No one seems to be able to help me either. Everyone describes a loving and forgiving God who understands you are not perfect and accepts you into his arms even when you can't repent, but all I read about is a God who turns from you because of you sin too much, a God who somehow wants you to love him even with the ridiculous requirements put on you in order to not eternally suffer. How can I love that God???? HOW????

There's no other option either. Oh man, I'm so tired and scared. I want to believe in an all loving, all forgiving God. But all I have is the Bible God. The God that says if you sin and don't repent you will be judged. The God who can't hear me because of my sins. The God who only considers me a son if I just completely live for him.

 

[peterparker]

Please help me someone. I'm losing it. I'm tired of seeing my mom worried about me. I can see her suffer. I'm so afraid. Whats going to happen to me?

 

[hsilgne]

Today I finally accepted the fact that my fear is making me hate God. On top of that I can't find anything in the Bible that points to God accepting me. It seems all he wants are good people who keep his commandments and repent for their sins.

This is all just tearing me apart. I'm on the verge of a break down. No one seems to be able to help me either. Everyone describes a loving and forgiving God who understands you are not perfect and accepts you into his arms even when you can't repent, but all I read about is a God who turns from you because of you sin too much, a God who somehow wants you to love him even with the ridiculous requirements put on you in order to not eternally suffer. How can I love that God???? HOW????

There's no other option either. Oh man, I'm so tired and scared. I want to believe in an all loving, all forgiving God. But all I have is the Bible God. The God that says if you sin and don't repent you will be judged. The God who can't hear me because of my sins. The God who only considers me a son if I just completely live for him.

Here's a bible verse to consider. this is St Paul speaking of himself.

Romans 7:
14 We know that the law is spiritual; but I am carnal, sold into slavery to sin.
15 What I do, I do not understand. For I do not do what I want, but I do what I hate.
16 Now if I do what I do not want, I concur that the law is good.
17 So now it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells in me.
18 For I know that good does not dwell in me, that is, in my flesh. The willing is ready at hand, but doing the good is not.
19 For I do not do the good I want, but I do the evil I do not want.
20 Now if (I) do what I do not want, it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells in me.
21 So, then, I discover the principle that when I want to do right, evil is at hand.
22 For I take delight in the law of God, in my inner self,
23 but I see in my members another principle at war with the law of my mind, taking me captive to the law of sin that dwells in my members. 5
24 Miserable one that I am! Who will deliver me from this mortal body?
25 Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord. Therefore, I myself, with my mind, serve the law of God but, with my flesh, the law of sin.

 

[hsilgne]

Are you sorry for your sins?

I am................ but I still sin. The Holy Spirit convicts us first. Believe it or not the feeling of unworthiness is "normal" when most encounter Christ and begin their journey with Him. Rejoice because you have begun that journey. You are taking the first step. The question is do you believe Him when he says 'repent and I will forgive you'.

We all fall. Jesus tells us, 'get up and go and sin no more'. That deosn't mean Jesus believes we are going to live sinless from that pt forward - He knows we are bound to fall... just like St Paul, st Peter, St thomas and on and on.... But so long as we intend with all our heart to avoid sin and repent when we do fall(because you will fall again) He forgives us. How much more loving can He be?

 

[Bablefish]

I can see that you're on here so if you want to break it down, I'm willing to help in any way that I can. However, I'm not going to spew any biblical verses at you nor offer any of the cookie cutter answers that you are used to. If you want to understand what it is that you are actually dealing with then it is essential that you be entirely honest with yourself. What is it that has been done that you think is beyond God's ability to forgive? And more importantly WHY do you think it is?

 

[hsilgne]

Hey peterparker,

Have you tried putting the suit on? Maybe that would help. You could swing around town and save a few people or something.



Just trying to garner a smile.

Keep your chin up.

 

[peterparker]

WARNING (somewhat x-rated)

First, it is my understanding that anything that falls short of perfection is a sin. I am a competitive person, I play video games instead of being out helping people, I want to write stories and make action cartoons (with stuff that prob wouldn't be too Christian), I enjoy hiking, soccer, mixed martial arts (yes violence), and other things without giving glory and thanks to God, etc.etc. And I do all this without repentance.

It wouldn't be so bad if it was just the 10 commandments (except for loving God above all things which I'm just far, far, far from even being close to this), but no. Sins include your thoughts and feelings. Do you have any idea how often I sin in my mind/heart... ALOT. And most of those things I don't even really consider as truly bad (which is the worst part, i.e. no repentance).

Ok, I understand the adultery thing, and I am set on waiting 'till marriage (at least I'll try). I also have stopped watching porn or anything that will really concentrate on lust, but man... sometimes I can't control it and I have to do the m-word. I used to really like this video game and so I came up with a trick, if I do the m-word I can't play the video game the next day. But then I feared the video game was an idol and quit, so I started m again. I'm afraid I'm not doing enough for God on this subject. Like I really need to punish myself when I do this. Maybe the next I can't leave my room, no video games, no tv, or anything else fun. Or something just enough to stop.

But understand all this is because of fear. I don't believe in my heart video games are bad, doing the m-word when you just have to is not bad, being competitive is not bad, etc. But I know a perfect being would do none of this, so that's all a sin, and again I have no repentance for any of it.

 

[peterparker]

Hey peterparker,

Have you tried putting the suit on? Maybe that would help. You could swing around town and save a few people or something.



Just trying to garner a smile.

Keep your chin up.

LOL. This actually did make me laugh.

I'm actually better now (I broke down and cried for the last hour), but his is getting serious. The feelings of despair and hopelessness are bringing me closer and closer to doing something bad. I don't know what to do. The worst part is that when I'm like this my mom can see it, and I know she is really worried about me, which makes me even more sad.

I've really lost hope in God on this one. It seems all the passages people give me involve people that repent for their sins, and it seems like that's God's condition. For a while I hoped I had missed something, but I think I've looked enough through the Bible that I don't think what I was looking for exists. I'm really considering a mental institution at this point.

P.S. Thanks for trying to help too Um and Bable.

 

[hsilgne]

Seeing a professional is definetely a good idea.

It sounds to me like you feel guilty over the sins you are committing which indicates to me that you really are sorry(repentent).

There is no sin that God cannot forgive.

 

[gabrielListens]

Picture yourself in a very beautiful, peaceful place. Picture it in detail if you can. Now picture Jesus, our Lord and Savior there with you, smiling at you, not judging you but looking kindly upon you with compassion and understanding. Jesus wants to tell you something. Our Lord who knows everything and sees every ounce of the anguish, pain and torment that is in your heart wants to tell you something. What do you think he would say to you?

Would he tell you that he demands perfection from you?

Or would he tell you that his love for you is greater than you will ever know and that he will always be with you whether you feel worthy of it or not?

I think you know the answer.

 

[phoenixgw]

Your post sounds like a panic attack. Your body can only take that level of stress for about 20 minutes before it shuts down on its own. This probably isn't the first panic attack and it won't be your last.

The fact that you are experiencing separation anxiety from your creator is actually a good thing. Keep in mind that no one can come to Jesus unless the one who sent him (God the Father) draws him/her (John 6:44). You're actually halfway there and weren't even aware of it! Pray for those who enjoy this dying world and don't feel the need to draw closer to God.

Reading the Bible and praying as you go is a way to build a relationship with your creator. Start the day with issues that concern you (e.g. salvation) and begin reading the Gospel of Luke. This Gospel shows Jesus as the perfect, loving God in human form; someone who can relate to your struggles--someone you can trust with your life. Don't expect something miraculous right away and don't think of Jesus as a bus that must be caught. Trust the process of reading God's word and praying.

Next time you have your panic attack, by all means, tell yourself you've lived through these 'storms' before and you know this one will eventually pass. Pray to Jesus as you're freaking.

When the storm is over, open your Bible to Revelation 3:20

"Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and dine with you in spiritual communion."

As you sit there lifeless on your bed, meditate on this verse. Listen for Jesus' voice. Look and listen for the "knock on the door" of your heart. God speaks to us in many ways. Go for a nature walk after you calmed down and carry that verse with you (write it on a paper you can fit in your palm).

Draw near to God in all aspects of your life and you will feel God drawing near to you. That is a promise from God (James 4:8). Keep a journal of your spiritual travels to remind yourself where you have been spiritually and refer to it when you are in panic mode. The journal will remind you of what God has done for you when you are too stressed out to remember.

Your final destination is important, but so is the journey of discovery. Anxiety, by definition, is worrying about the future. Try living "in the moment" and trust God to take care of the future. Jesus hasn't lost any of his sheep yet.

I pray in the name of our savior, Jesus Christ, that his light will shine on you as you continue your faith journey. Amen.

 

[peterparker]

Guys, my problem is repentance, or lack there of. Let me give you two examples:

A few months ago I lied to my brother about something. After thinking about the pain I would cause him if he discovered the truth I called him right away, told him the truth right away, apologized, and vowed to never do that again. This is repentance. God didn't threaten me, in fact I didn't even think of God through the whole thing. I personally felt bad for what I did, and didn't want to do it again.

Now here's the other side of the coin. I have been doing grappling (mixed-martial arts) on and off for some time. Well, the other day me and a couple of friends were grappling when another friend showed up. This guy had never grappled before (but he is really strong), and guess what, he beat me. What would be the correct thing to do? Not be competitive and just let it go. What do I want to do? Train hard and beat him. Because of this I'm afraid. Afraid that God doesn't approve of my attitude and if I don't repent I will be punished. This is not true repentance. I don't feel bad for wanting to beat him.

See my problem? I repent for some things, but bringing my self to repentance for everything that doesn't reach the standard of Christ is insane. This is what's driving me crazy. Not that I see so many bad things that I want to repent about but can't, but that there are so many bad things I wish I could just do without punishment. You could say my problem is that while I see the importance of God I DO want to live many of the things of this world. I want to be able to be competitive, in some cases vengeful, I want to be able to sometimes play video games 'till the sun comes up, I want to get in a fight or two, I want to be able to laugh at the funny quirks other people have, I want to be able to tell people what's on my mind when they anger me, I want to be able to watch any movie I want and not have to care if the message was good, I want to be able to write stories about whatever I want, etc.

You know how Paul said something like "the very thing I want to do, I can't, and the very thing I don't want to do, I do". That's not me. I'm more like: The very thing I want to do (because I don't think it's that bad), I do, and sometimes it's bad in Christ's eyes, but I want to be able to do it without going to Hell.

 

[OneThingOnly]

Greetings in the Name of Jesus....
Spiderman, Spiderman, does whatever a spider can..... Now that song is stuck in my head. Dang...

That being said, the problem you face is common in our time. Actually it is common in every time, except when our Lord returns for His Church. The dynamic you are facing is the sin nature, that which we are born with and that which we die in if we are not supernaturally born again.

Jesus said "You must be born again". When you are born again, the incoming life of Jesus through the Holy Spirit into your life gives you the possibility to live a changed life - to live Christian. Notice I say it gives you the possiblity. In other words, the sin nature has now been trumphed by the divine nature of God that has entered you. That is why the Bible says you are a new creation. You are now something you were not before and you no longer have to be a slave to sin.

So my first question to you is have you been born again? Trying to live the Christian life without being born again is like continually running into a brick wall. You constantly feel the pain and the wall is still there. Becomming born again is a very simple process, but requires the attitude of repentance.

Christianity is not about trying to be good. It is about a supernaturally changed life that now has the possibility of living Christian, whereas before, as a slave to sin, there was no possibility of living Christian.

If you truly have been born again and you have experienced the reality of the Holy Spirit, you have a different problem. Either way, my prayer for you is that God will grant you repentance unto life... Blessings.

 

[peterparker]

I don't know if I've been born again. I thought that was something only God could grant you.

 

[Johnnz]

What ever have you been told about God! You are so fraught and insecure about your relationship with him. That is not good for you, or mentally healthy either. You need to take a big sideways step away from your current knowledge base and find some good, wholesome Christian teaching from somewhere.

John
NZ

 

[peterparker]

I've been taught that if you willfully sin, but don't repent, you will be judged. It says it in the Bible.

 

[svl3p]

I'm sorry you're feeling this way...

But God won't turn away from you! Remember, Jesus went and had supper with the taxcollectors over the "religious freaks". . .He saved the prostitutes and many others that others looked down upon. God doesn't love the "good" people more than those who sin. . .Because we all sin. God loves you all the time. I wonder if reading some of the gospels might help. . .(Matthew, Mark, Luke, John) ... to show a bit more of God's love for you....

 

[peterparker]

I'm sorry you're feeling this way...

But God won't turn away from you! Remember, Jesus went and had supper with the taxcollectors over the "religious freaks". . .He saved the prostitutes and many others that others looked down upon. God doesn't love the "good" people more than those who sin. . .Because we all sin. God loves you all the time. I wonder if reading some of the gospels might help. . .(Matthew, Mark, Luke, John) ... to show a bit more of God's love for you....

I have read them all. I'll prob read them again to see if I pick up anything else.

From what I read it seems that while God's love is truly free, God's forgiveness is not, and God's forgiveness is what's gonna keep you out of Hell. To receive God's forgiveness you must repent, and well it's tough to repent when you don't see the stuff you do as real bad. I see it like eating McDonald's, it's bad for you, you could eat something better for your body, but it tastes good and eating McDonald's isn't so bad once in a while. I know, I know, this is a very bad way of looking at things in God's opinion, but what can I do? It even angers me to think God would send someone to Hell for playing too much video games if they didn't repent.

What can I do? What does God want me to do? Tonight I'm supposed to go grapple with my friends, but if I go I know I'll be thinking of getting better to beat that guy. I hear some of you say that God doesn't want blind obedient actions, that he wants your heart. My heart wants to go train to beat that guy, so what does God want now? For me to not go out of fear? I guess since my heart is in the wrong place I'm screwed if whether I go or not....

 

[Always in His Presence]

I would encourage you to keep your reading in the New Testament - that is the time we now live in.

Paul, who murdered Christians for a living wrote this:

Rom 10:8 But what does it say? “The word is near you, in your mouth and in your heart”(that is, the word of faith which we preach): 9 that if you confess with your mouth the Lord Jesus and believe in your heart that God has raised Him from the dead, you will be saved. 10 For with the heart one believes unto righteousness, and with the mouth confession is made unto salvation. 11 For the Scripture says, “Whoever believes on Him will not be put to shame.

You can never be perfect - it's an impossibility. So God made a way for you to be perfect through Jesus Christ - and then presented it as a gift - something you do not deserve and cannot earn.

Salvation is a gift - God's will for peterparker is that he accepts the gift.

What you have to determine is if you will.

 

[peterparker]

I would love to accept a free gift of salvation, but from what I read in the Bible it is not a free gift. You gotta bring something to the table and that is repentance.