If you had to rely on emotion or logic when choosing a spouse...

Autumnleaf · Feb 16, 2008

which would you choose to go by?

snoochface · Feb 16, 2008

Unless choosing a spouse is a business deal, I don't know why emotion - specifically love - would not be everyone's primary motivator.

Why do you ask questions like this?

GrannieAnnie · Feb 16, 2008

I chose logic for my first marriage.....WRONG....

I chose love for my second marriage....RIGHT...

I think you need a combination of both............

Adamantium · Feb 16, 2008

My first marriage, I used logic and the logic ended up being seriously flawed.

My current marriage, I used a combination of both. I was and am wildly in love with my husband, but I spent a great deal of thought on the matter when I knew he was going to ask me to marry him. I wanted to make the right choice this time. And I have.

sdmsanjose · Feb 16, 2008

I m a very Logical man. I think that Logic is very useful and can be a very great asset in life in many areas.

The most illogical thing that I have ever done was to marry my wife. We have been married for 39 years and I love her more today than I did in 1968. I have been trying to figure out the logic of this truth but have not figred it out yet!

I am logical yet grateful and somewhat puzzeled!

Yitzchak · Feb 17, 2008

Logic only gets you so far. How does one measure and quantify the required data ? Therefore it becomes illogical to use logic for this decision........

Tuffguy · Feb 17, 2008

Combination of the two,,, I asked myself logical questions that kept my feelings in place.
-Will she be able to lead my children?
-Will she be faithful forever, no matter what happens to me?
-Will she submit and still give me a good piece of her mind?
-Is she a true Christian?

PREPCoach · Feb 17, 2008

Logic will foster love. If couples can learn conflict resolution skills (logic), then you can protect your marriage from harm. Research shows that it takes 10-15 positives to counteract one negative. Couples need to learn conflict resolution skills (logic) so that mutual understanding can happen and love can grow.

janny108 · Feb 17, 2008

You can't go on feelings and love alone. That is not enough.
Jan

janny108 · Feb 17, 2008

You have to be practically minded too.
Jan

Autumnleaf · Feb 17, 2008

snoochface said:
Unless choosing a spouse is a business deal, I don't know why emotion - specifically love - would not be everyone's primary motivator.

Why do you ask questions like this?

I work with single mothers who logically want their sons to grow up to treat women well yet these women consistently date men who don't treat them well. I'm trying to make sense of it because these women aren't dumb. They are just making choices which seem incongruent with what they say they value.

Mskedi · Feb 18, 2008

I'd have to go with logic if forced to choose.

In practice, a healthy balance of both is in order.

Jn207 · Feb 18, 2008

Women are by nature emotional, men are by nature logical. What's amazing is when an emotional woman and a logical man combine to make that decision together.

whatisyourstory · Feb 18, 2008

I think you need a combo of both. If you just go off of emotion, you could jump into a very bad situation. But, you also need to look for more than a good business deal.

Rembrandtfan · Feb 18, 2008

Logic would tell me not to marry a man who is abusive, irresponsible, or selfish. I think that would also carry over into the emotional aspects. I could not respect that sort of man or find him attractive. Then again, we are always on our best behavior when we first meet someone, and you don't really know someone until you live with him/her.

I don't know why some women marry abusive men. The ones I know of seem to have grown up in that sort of home, and possibly think that it's normal, or think they somehow deserve to be treated that way.

There is really no clear-cut answer to this question.

BigNorsk · Feb 18, 2008

Well, I think logic should be the gatekeeper. There should be requirements you have for someone to be your spouse. If you love someone but they don't fit the requirements, you don't marry them. Matter of fact, when you find out they don't fit you shouldn't waste their time dating and such. Because if you do, you are likely to "fall in love" and be tempted to ignore every sensible thing you chose when you weren't blinded by passion. Love is not a finite resource, move on, love someone else.

However, one should not marry just on the logic. You don't just say this person fits the requirements, let's get married. That should wait untll and unless you love them.

A good match will have both. Any compromise is likely to end in disappointment.

Not to say the person should be required to be perfect. If that's your standard just give up now and save everyone the heartache.

If nothing else, sitting down and logically thinking through your requirements is going to tell a lot about you.

If your requirements are financial, you can marry a bank.

If your requirements concern a house, just marry a house.

If your requirements are all sex, just marry a prostitute.

If you want someone who is completely loyal, always happy to see you, loves spending time with you, and tries to please you even if he doesn't always understand how, get a dog.

Marv

fated · Feb 18, 2008

Autumnleaf said:
which would you choose to go by?

Many who have read about marriage or have been married for a long time, know that the key in the tough parts is to concede that it is then that love is a CHOICE and therefore, perhaps, logic should be the primary driver as to whether a person should marry a particular individual or not.

Yitzchak · Feb 18, 2008

Logic would tell me not to marry a man who is abusive, irresponsible, or selfish. I think that would also carry over into the emotional aspects. I could not respect that sort of man or find him attractive. Then again, we are always on our best behavior when we first meet someone, and you don't really know someone until you live with him/her.

I don't know why some women marry abusive men. The ones I know of seem to have grown up in that sort of home, and possibly think that it's normal, or think they somehow deserve to be treated that way.

There is really no clear-cut answer to this question.

This sounds nice in theory...but as you pointed out in your post , finding a perfectly accurate way to measure these qualities is difficult.

If I know certain facts , I can make decisions based upon those facts. But our conclusions are only as valid as our facts. To put it in logic terminology , if our premise is faulty then our conclusion will be faulty.

This also assumes that even given a good base of facts we are able to use perfect logic in what conclusions we draw. This is only the first problem though. Because even if logic becomes a useful tool in eliminating unacceptable candidates , it still does not help us to choose the right one out of the remaining choices.

Yitzchak · Feb 18, 2008

For myself , I found that fasting and prayer was the best method of choosing a spouse.

The problem with using our own wisdom is that it is extremely limited and also biased. I remember during the time that I was looking for a wife coming across both men and women who had lists of dozens of things they wanted in a spouse and yet they did not live up to those same standards themselves.

Who is going to put on their list things like I want someone poor and somewhat emotionally damaged and dysfunctional from a rough childhood and a little bit of a slob with 17 bad habits. We tend to want someone who will accept us just as we are and love us unconditionally and yet have a high standard for what we want. Few people are objective in what they have to offer when it comes to these kinds of lists. Besides the fact that these are the sorts of things that make people's logical lists and yet have little to do with biblical and/or deeper issues. Not that they are wrong things to want in and of themselves ..just that they are really the smaller side issues that tend to be unpredictable and change in twenty plus years of marriage.

Questions like is this person on fire for God ? do they have a soft and humble heart ? What kind of parent will they make if we have children together ? Do they feel the same calling of God on their life as I do on mine ?
these are better questions and yet we find ourselves still needing to fast and pray and ask God because we are so limited in our knowledge.

The best advice that I ever got about this subject was from my Pastor who said this. Fast and pray and ask God to connect me with the right person and for my part of what I need to do , focus on becoming the best husband that I can be instead of focusing on fixing the other person.

heart of peace · Feb 18, 2008

I'm another 'both....and' person here rather than an 'either....or' person.

If you had to rely on emotion or logic when choosing a spouse...

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