If Only They Knew

[KateMTT]

Hi, everyone,

I am a college art student, completing a project about the many trials people face and yet may keep hidden in fear of harming how society perceives them. I am hoping to receive anonymous feedback from people going through various struggles, Depression being one of them, so that I can help decrease the fear and stigma related to mental illness. If you could please volunteer a few minutes of your time to share your experience with me, I would so appreciate it.

That being said, my question is: What do you wish those around you knew about your condition?

Thank you and God bless you, in both your struggle with Depression and with every other aspect of your life,

Kate

 

[Anto9us]

The main thing that I wish that those around me knew about Depression is that it is not "just something you could snap yourself out of if you really wanted to".

I am in a unique position of having been diagnosed originally as BiPolar -- but then after a few years a VA Psychiatrist questioned the diagnosis and said he felt I was Major Depression. And that was corroborated later, and so I have gone from being seen as BiPolar to "just" Depression.

And "how people see them" - well, I have tried to explain somewhat, BiPolar seemed to be seen as a freak about to twist off at a moment's notice; Depression was seen as minimized - making a big deal out of nothing - you should just "don't worry - be happy".

So one was amplified beyond reason in people's perception, and one was minimized to the point of not being truly seen as a serious condition at all.

And there I was for years, having the Depression that - yes - is part of BiPolar but never having the true manic episodes that define BiPolar; and finally a shrink caught it and didn't want me taking a certain mood-stabilizer which had potentially bad side-effects because he didn't think I was really BiPolar.

Okay. So I'm "just" depressed. Which in many people's minds means "there's nothing wrong". "Don't be down in the dumps"

"I'm depressed'

"Don't be"

Like I could switch it off just with a thought -- this is what people DO perceive about Depression -- what I WISH they knew is that it's not that simple;

you can't just say "Alakazam" and feel better

and what I REALLY wish is that they would never say this stuff in the strictly Christian view that "Oh, if you only had enough Faith you wouldn't be depressed. It's a sin to be depressed."

There was one brutal book by Minrith-Meyer a long time ago that preached exactly that - it was a CHOICE you made to be depressed, it showed a lack of faith, you were sinning if you weren't happy.

Good grief.

For the past year I have had "talk therapy only" with a wonderful VA Psychologist - I will soon see the Psychiatrist and get back on medication -- a lot of irratibility and anxiety goes with my depression, and the medication does help somewhat, although I might not want to conclude that "I will have to take something for the rest of my life" - I do not conclude that I "have a permanent imbalance of neurotransmitters in my brain" - I don't know that. I have functioned fairly well without meds for a year, but I am caretaker for my 95 year old Father, and things are getting more and more stressful.

I salute your art project, Kate, paint/draw me as underwater - the rest of the people go about life above the surface - I look up from underneath the water and try to communicate. I am neither a psychotic freak nor a completely normal person who should/could "just cheer up".

I am in this depression like a fish is in the ocean.

 

[miss-a]

I will share more with you later, but the first thing that came to mind is this. A friend who (Please know I'm not critcizing; I understand that she didn't understand.) said to me, "Just know if you ever don't have enough money for food, I'll help you." What she didn't realize is that what I heard was, "I'll help you when it gets worse, when it's ruined you so badly that you can't take care of yourself." I wished she had seen that I needed help then, so that I would not reach the point of financial ruin and the inablity to take care of myself. I'd wished the message had been, "Let's not let this go any further. Here's what I'm going to do to help today."

The pressure of having to work and take care of yourself when severely depressed is almost too much, and for many literally too much. Sadly, for most, the only way to avoid it is to crash and end up in a hospital or on disability. That was not the case for me. I managed. But I think it was much harder than it had to be and healing took longer due to the stresses from working, which seems senseless to me when there were people with more than enough to support me so I could take a short leave from work, even as a loan. But people's mindset is not on preventing the worst. They prepare themselves to be available for when the worst occurs instead. And I think that's very sad.

 

[ToBeBlessed]

The word 'depression' has become some what of a slang word. I'm down, I'm depressed. I feel bad, I'm depressed. Because of the word being no longer used to signify a real mental illness to society, it has lost it's true complex meaning.

Most do not understand that depression is a day to day struggle. Each day, every day. Yes, tomorrow one may feel better than they did today, but in two days one may be back where they were days earlier.

It's not something that they can fix. It is a long haul. It is day after day after day after day. Years, decades.

Being diagnosed by a doctor with depression, acute depression or bi-polar means that these individuals have that diagnosis. Anyone can find out what that is through Web MD. Do they?

I would recommend that they find out what the symptoms are of the illness. What is the treatment plan the person is going through. Are they on medications? If yes, then it is a biological problem as well as anything else.

The support system needs to educate themselves to what the depressed/bi-polar person is experiencing. Know the symptoms. Know the treatment plan. Know the obstacles that the person may likely fall into along the way.

 

[chaoticfirefly]

That they don't have depression because they were sad for a day, that they're bored not depressed, that no, they don't understand or know what I'm going through. They're not fighting a losing war on a daily basis, how getting out of bed is such a tiring effort.

I wish they knew how much all of this hurts and that they shouldn't invalidate this disease with, "Well, you're just PMS-ing" or "People have it worse." To stop treating this as something that someone can just "get over", that it can be "cured", to stop giving false hopes or pretend it doesn't even exist. To stop calling it a sin. To stop romanticizing it. Stop stigmatizing it.

For religious nutty parents to understand that sometimes, religion is toxic. It is toxic to their child whom they're refusing to get help for because "Only God can help." or they don't believe in science. For them to know that this is considered child negligence and that they will one day lose this child or seriously mess them up in the future.

That we're not choosing this, this war. Some of us lose this war, ultimately. Some of fight back against the enemy, who happens to be ourselves and that we need help. That, as someone else said before me, we can't just stop being depressed just as a cancer patient cannot just stop having cancer.

That this is a process. A long one. A life long one for some.

That I'm trying and I don't think I can keep trying that much longer. That this disease is winning, and the fog is just getting darker and darker.

There is nothing beautiful about this. There is nothing romantic about this.

When I was a senior in high school, I had this friend who decided to cut herself three times on the wrist and went around showing everyone. All proud. Like this is a fad.

So, worried because cutting in of itself is something serious, I went to the principal and said, "I'm worried for this girl."

I was isolated from all my friends for that. In fact, one of them still hasn't forgiven me and constantly berates me every chance he gets. As if any of them knew that I cut, that I don't want this monster to ruin a friends life. That she can get help, help is a good thing.

None of this should be considered a fad, but it is unfortunately.

I wish mental illness was taken as seriously as a physical illness. It can be just as deadly.

 

[KateMTT]

Thank you so much for the thoughtful and thorough responses, everyone. I think it is very brave to share so openly about Depression, given how misunderstood it is within society.

That this is a process. A long one. A life long one for some.

That I'm trying and I don't think I can keep trying that much longer. That this disease is winning, and the fog is just getting darker and darker.

Firefly, I think that your bravery in sharing your experience with others points to the fact that healing is still a hope and a great possibility for you. As I incorporate your testimony into my art project, it might bring great comfort to someone on my campus struggling with Depression. Your experiences will not go unused by God, and I hope knowing that he uses every ounce of your struggle for ultimate healing will give you comfort as you endure the present pain.

I find it heartbreaking how little thought society offers those who struggle with mental illness. I hope to bring about a changed mindset, at least at the small world of my college campus.

Thank you and God Bless,

Kate

 

[DancesWithGnostics]

Thank YOU Kate
!
I pray you bring that changed mindset!

 

[ToBeBlessed]

Thank YOU Kate
!
I pray you bring that changed mindset!

Represent us well. We know you will!

 

[DancesWithGnostics]

And don't think of it as a "small world of your college campus"

these are where the ideas of the youth are - that will determinine what the future thinks

what better place to make an impact!

 

[andycook]

I'm in my second period of clinical depression. So far it has lasted 40 months and shows no real sign of easing off. That said, over the past 3 and a half years, I have been assaulted multiple times, arrested 3 times (false allegations) and succumbed to alcohol abuse due to it's habit of dulling the symptoms of depression.

Depression happens to you... you have no choice... it is 'almost' impossible to 'snap out of it', and actually 'feeling' depressed only happens occasionally. For me it starts to happen after 3-4 days of mental shut down. No emotions, no thoughts, no ability to concentrate, no ability to take in information. No ability to read, no ability to watch a good movie.

Many people think a depressive just feels sorry for themselves. This is extreme ignorance on their part and not the sufferer. Anyone in the full depths of a depressive attack won't care enough to feel sorry for themselves, they have no ability to feel in the first place.

People need to know this is a physical condition that affects your ability to function mentally and can lead to completely inappropriate emotional reactions.

Be there for that person, be a friend, and welcome them back when the thick cloud has lifted. They will love you for it.

In peace.