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If a philosopher tells a joke and no one hears it...

public hermit

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I thought some of these were pretty hilarious. From Gerald Dworkin's new book:

What I hated most about Kuhn’s lectures was the combination of obscurantism and dogmatism. On one hand, he was extremely dogmatic. On the other, it was never clear about what.
—Errol Morris on Thomas Kuhn

Some months after the Spring of 68, Sidney Morganbesser was called for jury duty, and as luck would have it, he was tapped for a case involving alleged police brutality. During the voir dire, the Assistant District Attorney assigned to try the case asked Sidney whether he had ever been treated brutally or unfairly by the police. Sidney thought for a moment and said, ‘Brutally, yes. Unfairly, no.’ The ADA asked him to explain, and Sidney told the story of the attack by the Tactical Patrol Force, at Columbia University. ‘And you didn’t think they were acting unfairly?’ ‘No,’ Sidney said, ‘they were hitting everybody.
—Robert Paul Wolff

I did all the major vices—gambling, drugs, pornography and public schools.
—Bernard Williams ( speaking of the government committees he served on)

One lesson in Philosophy is as good as one lesson in piano playing.
—Wittgenstein

Hegel, installed from above, by the powers that be, as the certified Great Philosopher, was a flat-headed, insipid, nauseating, illiterate charlatan, who reached the pinnacle of audacity in scribbling together and dishing up the craziest mystifying nonsense. This nonsense has been noisily proclaimed as immortal wisdom by mercenary followers and readily accepted as such by all fools, who thus joined into as perfect a chorus of admiration as had ever been heard before. The extensive field of spiritual influence with which Hegel was furnished by those in power has enabled him to achieve the intellectual corruption of a whole generation.
—Arthur Schopenhauer

Bits of Laughing Matter (guest post) | Daily Nous

Lol, Schopenhauer must have been a blast at parties
 

Mark Quayle

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What I hated most about Kuhn’s lectures was the combination of obscurantism and dogmatism. On one hand, he was extremely dogmatic. On the other, it was never clear about what.
—Errol Morris on Thomas Kuhn

"My father-in-law can change opinions in mid-argument without losing any vehemence."
 
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public hermit

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Jewish Philosophy
What hangs on a wall, is purple and whistles?
Don’t know.
A herring.
Herrings don’t hang on walls.
So you hang it.
Herrings aren’t purple.
So paint it.
Herrings don’t whistle.
No analogy is perfect
 
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public hermit

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A Franciscan priest sits down next to a Jesuit priest while riding a train to Rome. After a while the Franciscan notices that the Jesuit is smoking and praying.
Franciscan: “I am surprised to see you doing that.”
Jesuit: “Why?”
Franciscan: “We asked the Pope himself whether we could smoke while praying and he said ‘No.’”
Jesuit: “That was your mistake. We asked the Pope if we could pray while smoking and he said we could.
 
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essentialsaltes

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‘Brutally, yes. Unfairly, no.’ The ADA asked him to explain, and Sidney told the story of the attack by the Tactical Patrol Force, at Columbia University. ‘And you didn’t think they were acting unfairly?’ ‘No,’ Sidney said, ‘they were hitting everybody.

That's indeed some careful thinking.
 
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zippy2006

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A Franciscan priest sits down next to a Jesuit priest while riding a train to Rome. After a while the Franciscan notices that the Jesuit is smoking and praying.
Franciscan: “I am surprised to see you doing that.”
Jesuit: “Why?”
Franciscan: “We asked the Pope himself whether we could smoke while praying and he said ‘No.’”
Jesuit: “That was your mistake. We asked the Pope if we could pray while smoking and he said we could.

There is a fun Latin joke from Felix Just:


A Franciscan and a Jesuit were walking in a forest, and the Jesuit noticed that there was an echo.

Thinking to play a prank on his companion, the Jesuit shouted out in Latin:
"Quod est Franciscanorum regula?" ("What is the rule of the Franciscans?")
And the echo replied: "...gula, gula, gula." ("Gluttony, gluttony, gluttony.")

In a heartbeat the Franciscan shouted out: "Fuitne Judas Jesuita?" ("Was Judas a Jesuit?")
And the echo replied: "...ita, ita, ita." ("Yes, yes, yes.")​
 
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dms1972

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I found this one about Sidney Morganbesser

Sidney Morgenbesser - Wikipedia

[An] unfortunate encounter with the police occurred when he lit up his pipe on the way out of a subway station. Morgenbesser protested to the officer who tried to stop him that the rules covered smoking in the station, not outside. The cop conceded he had a point, but said: "If I let you get away with it, I'd have to let everyone get away with it." To which Morgenbesser, in a famously misunderstood line, retorted: "Who do you think you are, Kant?" Hauled off to the precinct lock-up, Morgenbesser only won his freedom after a colleague showed up and explained the Categorical Imperative to the nonplussed boys in blue.
 
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Moral Orel

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Worst math joke ever:
What about this one?
There are 10 kinds of people in the world.
Those that understand binary, and those that don't.
 
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BPPLEE

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I thought some of these were pretty hilarious. From Gerald Dworkin's new book:

What I hated most about Kuhn’s lectures was the combination of obscurantism and dogmatism. On one hand, he was extremely dogmatic. On the other, it was never clear about what.
—Errol Morris on Thomas Kuhn

Some months after the Spring of 68, Sidney Morganbesser was called for jury duty, and as luck would have it, he was tapped for a case involving alleged police brutality. During the voir dire, the Assistant District Attorney assigned to try the case asked Sidney whether he had ever been treated brutally or unfairly by the police. Sidney thought for a moment and said, ‘Brutally, yes. Unfairly, no.’ The ADA asked him to explain, and Sidney told the story of the attack by the Tactical Patrol Force, at Columbia University. ‘And you didn’t think they were acting unfairly?’ ‘No,’ Sidney said, ‘they were hitting everybody.
—Robert Paul Wolff

I did all the major vices—gambling, drugs, pornography and public schools.
—Bernard Williams ( speaking of the government committees he served on)

One lesson in Philosophy is as good as one lesson in piano playing.
—Wittgenstein

Hegel, installed from above, by the powers that be, as the certified Great Philosopher, was a flat-headed, insipid, nauseating, illiterate charlatan, who reached the pinnacle of audacity in scribbling together and dishing up the craziest mystifying nonsense. This nonsense has been noisily proclaimed as immortal wisdom by mercenary followers and readily accepted as such by all fools, who thus joined into as perfect a chorus of admiration as had ever been heard before. The extensive field of spiritual influence with which Hegel was furnished by those in power has enabled him to achieve the intellectual corruption of a whole generation.
—Arthur Schopenhauer

Bits of Laughing Matter (guest post) | Daily Nous

Lol, Schopenhauer must have been a blast at parties
A priest an atheist and a rabbi were having a discussion on when life begins. The preist said life begins at conception. The atheist said life begins at birth. The rabbi said life begins when the last kid moves out and takes the dog with them.
 
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Moral Orel

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A priest an atheist and a rabbi were having a discussion on when life begins. The preist said life begins at conception. The atheist said life begins at birth. The rabbi said life begins when the last kid moves out and takes the dog with them.
A similar but meaner joke:
My wife and I were happy for about the first 20 years. But then we got married.
 
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Mark Quayle

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zippy2006

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What about this one?
There are 10 kinds of people in the world.
Those that understand binary, and those that don't.

Just the other day I realized that if I use my fingers as bigits rather than digits I can count to 31 on one hand. :idea:
 
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Tinker Grey

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What about this one?
There are 10 kinds of people in the world.
Those that understand binary, and those that don't.
There are 2 kinds of people in the world; those that can infer from incomplete data...
 
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Tinker Grey

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A similar but meaner joke:
My wife and I were happy for about the first 20 years. But then we got married.
My wife and I have been married for 20 wonderful years. Well, we've been married 40 years; 20 of them were wonderful.
 
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Mark Quayle

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My wife and I have been married for 20 wonderful years. Well, we've been married 40 years; 20 of them were wonderful.
My brother and his wife, according to facebook, have been married 50 years, and have been friends for 13 years.
 
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Quid est Veritas?

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Just the other day I realized that if I use my fingers as bigits rather than digits I can count to 31 on one hand. :idea:
The ancient Romans had a complex system of representing numbers with their fingers. They could count to 100 on one hand and up to 10000 using both. It involved assigning values to each joint and the manner in which the fingers are positioned. I think Bede explains the details somewhere.
 
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