Idiot!!!

[luv4godremains]

why did I do it? I hadn't for nealry a year, then on sunday, I did, I was at a gig, and I just wanted to relax, after my pannick attack, and I did it, there was some really "kind" guy there, and I asked him if he;s give me some weed, he gave me a joint, and I had it, I feel sooo stupid now, I had done soo well, I just thought "1 won't make a difference, God won't mind me trying to have a better time!" but it was wrong! hmmm, I don't really knwo where I'm going with this, just wondering if anyone else out there has done that before?

 

[crabbyintrovert]

Hi, Luv! First of all, congratulations on your nearly a year! It's good to ask the "why's?" because it helps to understand what lead up to your relapse. Many times, it's not just something that happens in the moment--it's something that has been brewing for at least a few days. Look at your week prior, the emotions you had been going thru--what was uncomfortable? Look then at the past year and remember how you successfully handled those emotions--this helps to re-learn that you ARE able to get thru situations and to rededicate yourself to your sobriety.

I also think it's important to not beat yourself up over this as that attaches strong emotional bonds that can spiral into depression. Refuse to go there! Pick up your life and strongly carry on. Being good to yourself does not include days of shame and guilt over a mistake, ok?

If you would like to talk about the emotions/struggles that lead up to your relapse, we're here for you. God Bless YOU for reaching out and facing truth! Mi

 

[luv4godremains]

Thanks, I guess you're right! I have already been struggling with depression for pretty much as long as I can remember anyway, it's just gotten worse over the past few years. I was having a pretty bad week, and, getting sick of the pannick attacks, wanted to get rid of them, calm myself down! Thanks, guess I have some thinking and praying to do!
God bless

 

[WalksWithChrist]

I went through that too at your age. I can't count how many times I "quit for good." It's tough! I eventually grew out of it I think, but not everybody does.

 

[luv4godremains]

thanks, makes me feel betta! just wish I hadn't cos I knew it was wrong and dat I shldn't have done it! oh well, have apologised to God for breakin my promise, guess I need to learn to forgive myelf! God bless

 

[WalksWithChrist]

thanks, makes me feel betta! just wish I hadn't cos I knew it was wrong and dat I shldn't have done it! oh well, have apologised to God for breakin my promise, guess I need to learn to forgive myelf! God bless

= ) Don't give up.

 

[Divin]

I've made even more mistakes than that. I've never been baptized but I have decided to follow Christ about a year ago,summer 0f '04 at a youth convention. But since then I've had struggles with my faith,returned to my old vile ways ,now I wonder if God will still forgive me or is it too late?

 

[jenniferstell]

I've made even more mistakes than that. I've never been baptized but I have decided to follow Christ about a year ago,summer 0f '04 at a youth convention. But since then I've had struggles with my faith,returned to my old vile ways ,now I wonder if God will still forgive me or is it too late?

God will *always* forgive you! We will ALL mess up - somehow or other! We can't escape messing up, but if we are truly repentant and ask God for his forgiveness for our foolishness, then he will *always* forgive our sins! Jesus' blood was spilt for the very purpose of washing away our sins!

 

[christian cutie danni]

Don't worry, i know how all of this is... I just did it not too long ago, and now i'm having a hard time putting it away on the shelf again... i've been there, and i'm doing that, and i've had so many screw ups and problems peeple tell me it's my imagination, but they're real, and i turned to the weed... don't.

 

[luv4godremains]

the thing is, it's getting soo hard not to do, and I'm having to try soo hard not to go back to the person I used to be, I dunno what to do, or how to resist it! there are soo many people willing to let me into their groups, and it's soo tempting, but I know it will be something I regret forever cos either I'd leave and get hurt, bad by them, as they all seem to be like that, or I would just turn back to my old ways!

 

[WalksWithChrist]

the thing is, it's getting soo hard not to do, and I'm having to try soo hard not to go back to the person I used to be, I dunno what to do, or how to resist it! there are soo many people willing to let me into their groups, and it's soo tempting, but I know it will be something I regret forever cos either I'd leave and get hurt, bad by them, as they all seem to be like that, or I would just turn back to my old ways!

I know *exactly* how you feel...

 

[iglesia]

the thing is, it's getting soo hard not to do, and I'm having to try soo hard not to go back to the person I used to be, I dunno what to do, or how to resist it! there are soo many people willing to let me into their groups, and it's soo tempting, but I know it will be something I regret forever cos either I'd leave and get hurt, bad by them, as they all seem to be like that, or I would just turn back to my old ways!

Reading your posts I am left wondering a couple of things:

Do you attend any recovery meetings of any sort (12-step or otherwise)?

My own experience has taught me that it is immensely difficult, if not impossible to stay clean without the love and support of other people who are also trying to stay clean. Trying to stay sober by myself just doesn't work. Period. I'm glad you're sharing your experience online here, but, if you haven't already you really need to find a real support system. If you need help finding this kind of support, I'd be happy to help.

Why are you hanging out in places where people use?

When I fist got sober, I was told that if I hang in whorehouses long enough, I am going to get laid. The reality for those of us who struggle with drug or alcohol abuse is that we can't expect to hang out with people that use or in places where people use, and expect that we will always be able to resist temptation.

Are you an addict?

This is really a question that you can answer for yourself. Better put: are your powerless (and willing to admit it) over drugs and/or alcohol? If you are, then no amount of self-effort is going to keep you clean. If you are an addict (like I am), then absolutely no amount of willpower will give you the strength to resist. God is the only one who will keep you clean. As long as you are looking within yourself for the strength, you will fail. I don't mean to be disheartening, but that is the reality of addiction. Unfortunately, we can never come to the point of truly seeking God's help until we have been beat down enough to admit our own powerlessness.

My prayers will be with you. God Bless.

 

[luv4godremains]

I can honestly and glady say that I'm not an addict, just struggling with depression and other related "issues" this just makes it harder to resist each and every day. I have a few mates who understand and are with me in resisting temptation, they are people I met just before I stopped, and they had no idea! they are christians too! so it's nice to have that support. I don't always hang around people who do it, but when I do it's really hard not to, I don't wanna not be able to be friends with them because they do it! and I don't wanna stop hangin around the places we hang cos I like those palces, they have cool music and stuff, and not everyone there does it!
I'm not powerless, I just have to, well, learn to resist temptations! I keep praying, but I kinda wonder off from God a lot at the moment, cos I remember how much fun i used to have, and forget how much i was just hiding the pain, instead of dealing with it.
thanks guys

 

[iglesia]

I can honestly and glady say that I'm not an addict, just struggling with depression and other related "issues" this just makes it harder to resist each and every day. I have a few mates who understand and are with me in resisting temptation, they are people I met just before I stopped, and they had no idea! they are christians too! so it's nice to have that support. I don't always hang around people who do it, but when I do it's really hard not to, I don't wanna not be able to be friends with them because they do it! and I don't wanna stop hangin around the places we hang cos I like those palces, they have cool music and stuff, and not everyone there does it!
I'm not powerless, I just have to, well, learn to resist temptations! I keep praying, but I kinda wonder off from God a lot at the moment, cos I remember how much fun i used to have, and forget how much i was just hiding the pain, instead of dealing with it.
thanks guys

Nonetheless, I will pray for you. I assume that you are a Christian. I would suggest that, even though you are not an addict, placing yourself in situations in which you face temptation beyond what you can resist does not seem to be consistent with Biblical teachings. Although we will never be perfect and we will always be sinners, our goal as Christians should be to make ourselves as much like Christ as we can be. As hard as it may be, sometimes this requires us to stop being around people we love and to stop doing things that we enjoy. When other people do things which drive us away from Christ, we really shouldn't choose to be with those people until we are strong enough in the Spirit to not be lead astray by them. Likewise, certain activities, though not sinful in and of themselves, will inevitably lead us into sin, and we should avoid these. Ask yourself honestly: Is cool music really worth jeopardizing your relationship with Christ? Besides, it is quite possible that if you look around and spend more time with your Christian friends you will find places that have are just as enjoyable, but without the temptation.

Anyway, I don't mean to preach at you. I just hope that you will honestly evaluate your priorities. For myself, I have had to learn to place Jesus above all else in my life. Usually, when I find I am struggling with temptation (which I still struggle with, though not so much in relation to drugs and alcohol), it is because I am letting something in my life be more important to me than my relationship with Christ. When this happens, I need to ask His help to get things straight again.

God Bless.

 

[TheMainException]

Luv.....if you have depression and panic attacks, come now and get some help...don't self medicate with pot....it's not worth the depression it will bring on later....I trust what I know....a good friend of mine smoked pot for about 2 years to try and make his life "better"...he almost comitted suicide because of it....that's how bad his depression got.....so stay away from that stuff if you are trying to self medicate, which it looks very much like you "cause you want to relax"...nah....don't do it that way.....talk to God alright? Talk to someone else too...get some real meds for that stuff...I did....it helped so much.

 

[christian cutie danni]

Hunni, look at my siggy. I don't know how long it will be allowed, this is a christian website, and I have a pic of pot on it, but it's real and true... And read the story... It'll help. Trust me. If you keep reading it, you'll understand.

 

[luv4godremains]

I'm staying away now, and told my friends that if they awnna do it then it's their choice, but not to drag me into it again, and to do it away from me! cos I know that I'm weak, and at the moment, am waiting for hte help i need to be strong enough to resist these kinds of things!
thanks

 

[WalksWithChrist]

I'm staying away now, and told my friends that if they awnna do it then it's their choice, but not to drag me into it again, and to do it away from me! cos I know that I'm weak, and at the moment, am waiting for hte help i need to be strong enough to resist these kinds of things!
thanks

Good for you! The really good friends will respect that and still hang with you. Be wary of the others that will keep doing it around you! I had serious trouble resisting when I got around people who always had dope on them...

 

[luv4godremains]

kk, fanx, I am not goin back down the road I used to be on, I've worked too hard for that!

 

[WalksWithChrist]

kk, fanx, I am not goin back down the road I used to be on, I've worked too hard for that!

= )