I wrote this to myself

[chelsea89]

Excuse me have you seen me? I was here a minute ago.
I was happy on the playground, laughing, skipping rope.
I had my friends behind me, my mother right beside me
And a dad who's love alone gave me life

I'd close my eyes and [bless and do not curse]stay up late
You wouldn't believe the worlds that I'd [bless and do not curse]create
Exploring the galaxies above
This world that lacked a thing called love...

Now I'm lost in this world where time has left me
The kids, a job, no end to stressing
Wounded, bent with battlescars
Of a war that stole half my heart
How could I know through the passage of time
I'd lose everything that made me mine
If I could go back with what I now see
I'd save everything that made me Chelsea

In a strange place at the age of twelve
I was me but distinctly someone else
Something had shifted in my blood
I could no longer see my galaxies above
The world had trapped me in a nightmare
It was cold, it was dark, and everything I feared
What I would give to pass through that channel of time
And find that girl I'd left behind

Id run to wrap her in a blanket[bless and do not curse]
Turn on the light so she didn't fear me
Id Keep her in an embracing hold
So the nightmare would pass
And shed remain whole
I'd take all the hurt deep inside
In hopes that I could keep myself mine
If I could go back[bless and do not curse]
How you'd all see
I'd save everything that made me Chelsea

So before you judge me or patronize
Remember this fizaud is just a disguise[bless and do not curse]
There's a girl within the layers deep
Of this corpse that walks on for me
[bless and do not curse]A calloused soul on the brink of life
If only for a kind word or a place inside
The heart of someone anywhere
Who could show a dying heart a little care
The ice in my heart would soon be melting
I'd regain myself I'd [bless and do not curse]save Chelsea.

 

[bling]

Interesting and poetic.

It might be better to find yourself in serving others and not worrying about self.

 

[chelsea89]

Lol a very Christian response and view. Just because I write a poem introverted in perspective I'm automatically all about me. I wrote this out of past pains and as a mother of 3 it's one of the few times I have thought about myself in quite a while.

 

[razeontherock]

I find that very beautiful and moving! Two things in my life, particularly help me in the rediscovery of what you express yearning for here: playing trumpet, and to a lesser extent, (for me) singing. I'm not suggesting those activities have any common element for you, but by the age of 12 I had logged a lot of hours on my horn, and I began playing professionally soon after.

Before I ever came to the Lord, He graciously removed everything from my life. The last thing to go was my ability to play the trumpet, and I was the last one to know. You can't imagine how devastating this was, but it was very merciful. This was all done before age 20; later in life I would've had much more to lose. Plus, the way culture and society was here at that time, I would've never survived, and surely met Judgment in a terrible state.

He brought me back in touch with His people a few years after a long divorce, and the first thing I was doing was playing trumpet in Church. Not quite like I had never missed a day, but almost; even though I hadn't played in 12 years. There's been some re-discovery since then, and this is huge within Christianity:

Mark 10:15 Verily I say unto you, Whosoever shall not receive the kingdom of God as a little child, he shall not enter therein."

Jesus says that twice, that we have recorded. I hope you find healing, there is much to be gained in what you seek!