I have ocd and I try not to even think or say the words promises and punishments. I worry so much. this is the reason ocd compulsions are created because it tries to make me believe that I have made a fast promise to God and asked for a punishment to be in a car accident, it happened so fast that I may not remember it. this is a thought without my will and a hypothesis from ocd.
there are times, that the words punishment or promise pop up in my head without my will and I try to ignore them.
Ocd was telling me that I may have made a fast promise to God to download an anime torrent to find it downloaded when I wake up. I knew it was a thought without my will but ocd kept bugging me with hypothesis.
I was ready to ignore it and go to sleep but although, it was not so bugging, I do not know, I kept paying attention to it. maybe I really wanted to download something even though, it was not ocd.
I found a new anime torrent that I wanted so much to download. but ocd started making an hypothesis for this torrent.
ocd: you must download a torrent cause you may have made a fast promise to God that you do not remember. pick a download that it is not affected by ocd. this is affected by ocd, so do not download it.
I wanted so much and I ignored ocd and started downloading. I was excited.
ocd: stop downloading it. pick a torrent not affected by ocd. cancel it now!
I was getting up, from my computer, fast, In order not to change opinion and cancel my download for nonsense reasons of the ocd. but it kept bugging me. I tried to ignore it. but it kept me bugging me. at that secon,d , some thoughts popped up in my head. like
thoughts without my will: not cancel the download cause it is just a stupid hypothesis of ocd, if it is canceled maybe it is like breaking a more possible promise without my will to God that I do not remember, cause I may have said to download something, if I do not do it maybe I will be in a car accident
these thoughts popped up and they were probably, without my will. it was not like that but I think it was like these, cause I do not remember. I cant remember exactly the words cause they happened in a second. lik. I do not remember if I was speaking to ocd or the word God popped up along with these thoughts. I do not know if I was addressing these thoughts without my will to God or to my ocd.
when the thoughts happene, I felt anxious not to cancel my download and also, excited and relieved cause I can have what I want. it is like a way to say no to a ocd compulsion and using as an excuse a fake promise to God that was popped in my head without my will.
the download was ready in the morning. but I started having new worries
ocd: maybe you must leave the torrent to seed forever without closing your pc. maybe the download thing promise you may have made, covers also, the seeding part. you must always download it. since it is downloaded you must always seed it. that means never close your pc. by the way, your internet many times disconnects. maybe while the download was incomplete, there has been a disconnection. that means the download stopped. that means you broke a promise to God. do you remember, the thoughts? are you sure they were without your will? why you felt relieved? maybe for a second, you meant them in order to beat ocd. you could have ignored them or tell God that they are without your will but you let them affect you. maybe you made them on purpose and pretended that it was ocd. maybe you thought that thoughts without your will always happen, and forced them to pop up and acted as if it is ocd.
I cant remember. I cant confirm if the thoughts were without my will. I cant even remember the thoughts. I remember that I wanted some relief and I wanted to download what I wanted to download and since ocd was telling me to stop download as a new compulsion, well, the previous compulsion was more scary that is why I kept downloading. since downloading is the same thing with the old scarier compulsion, why not do it? I mean I wanted to download it and since, ocd compulsion 1 was never cancel the download, why should I risk it? but along with these thoguhts some other words popped up without my will like " a promise maybe was made and it is better for me not to risk it. and it is something that I want to do anyway." and along with these thoughts, some other may have popped up in another form like " a promise was made so the download must be complete or maybe I will be in a car accident"
these thoughts are the same. mean the same. but have different words. if you do not know the motive behind them, it may seem different. I do not remember if I was saying these thoughts to God or to myself. they just popped up. it is like a part of me, goes on a rampage and makes the thoughts for a second. I still have the chance to say to God that they are not mine but I maybe forget and a part of me, that same part of me, acts as if they matter, without my will. the whole thing "pretend that it is ocd" happens without my will. everything happened in a second. I cant remember what my heart was thinking.
could I be that stupid, that I made a mistake and I forgot about the whole worries and made a fast promise to God? why I cant remember? will I be in a car accident if the download was stopped due to bad internet connection? was a punishment asked? was the thoughts valid or not? was I addressing them to God or to myself?
there are times, that the words punishment or promise pop up in my head without my will and I try to ignore them.
Ocd was telling me that I may have made a fast promise to God to download an anime torrent to find it downloaded when I wake up. I knew it was a thought without my will but ocd kept bugging me with hypothesis.
I was ready to ignore it and go to sleep but although, it was not so bugging, I do not know, I kept paying attention to it. maybe I really wanted to download something even though, it was not ocd.
I found a new anime torrent that I wanted so much to download. but ocd started making an hypothesis for this torrent.
ocd: you must download a torrent cause you may have made a fast promise to God that you do not remember. pick a download that it is not affected by ocd. this is affected by ocd, so do not download it.
I wanted so much and I ignored ocd and started downloading. I was excited.
ocd: stop downloading it. pick a torrent not affected by ocd. cancel it now!
I was getting up, from my computer, fast, In order not to change opinion and cancel my download for nonsense reasons of the ocd. but it kept bugging me. I tried to ignore it. but it kept me bugging me. at that secon,d , some thoughts popped up in my head. like
thoughts without my will: not cancel the download cause it is just a stupid hypothesis of ocd, if it is canceled maybe it is like breaking a more possible promise without my will to God that I do not remember, cause I may have said to download something, if I do not do it maybe I will be in a car accident
these thoughts popped up and they were probably, without my will. it was not like that but I think it was like these, cause I do not remember. I cant remember exactly the words cause they happened in a second. lik. I do not remember if I was speaking to ocd or the word God popped up along with these thoughts. I do not know if I was addressing these thoughts without my will to God or to my ocd.
when the thoughts happene, I felt anxious not to cancel my download and also, excited and relieved cause I can have what I want. it is like a way to say no to a ocd compulsion and using as an excuse a fake promise to God that was popped in my head without my will.
the download was ready in the morning. but I started having new worries
ocd: maybe you must leave the torrent to seed forever without closing your pc. maybe the download thing promise you may have made, covers also, the seeding part. you must always download it. since it is downloaded you must always seed it. that means never close your pc. by the way, your internet many times disconnects. maybe while the download was incomplete, there has been a disconnection. that means the download stopped. that means you broke a promise to God. do you remember, the thoughts? are you sure they were without your will? why you felt relieved? maybe for a second, you meant them in order to beat ocd. you could have ignored them or tell God that they are without your will but you let them affect you. maybe you made them on purpose and pretended that it was ocd. maybe you thought that thoughts without your will always happen, and forced them to pop up and acted as if it is ocd.
I cant remember. I cant confirm if the thoughts were without my will. I cant even remember the thoughts. I remember that I wanted some relief and I wanted to download what I wanted to download and since ocd was telling me to stop download as a new compulsion, well, the previous compulsion was more scary that is why I kept downloading. since downloading is the same thing with the old scarier compulsion, why not do it? I mean I wanted to download it and since, ocd compulsion 1 was never cancel the download, why should I risk it? but along with these thoguhts some other words popped up without my will like " a promise maybe was made and it is better for me not to risk it. and it is something that I want to do anyway." and along with these thoughts, some other may have popped up in another form like " a promise was made so the download must be complete or maybe I will be in a car accident"
these thoughts are the same. mean the same. but have different words. if you do not know the motive behind them, it may seem different. I do not remember if I was saying these thoughts to God or to myself. they just popped up. it is like a part of me, goes on a rampage and makes the thoughts for a second. I still have the chance to say to God that they are not mine but I maybe forget and a part of me, that same part of me, acts as if they matter, without my will. the whole thing "pretend that it is ocd" happens without my will. everything happened in a second. I cant remember what my heart was thinking.
could I be that stupid, that I made a mistake and I forgot about the whole worries and made a fast promise to God? why I cant remember? will I be in a car accident if the download was stopped due to bad internet connection? was a punishment asked? was the thoughts valid or not? was I addressing them to God or to myself?
