I wish I could talk

[Grasshopper2000]

Hello,

I have had 15 counselling sessions to try to get over being abused throughout my whole childhood and being raped as a teenager. I am attending what is suppose to be my last session next week. Both the counsellor and I have agreed that I am ready to finish.

However, I still can't manage to talk to anyone about what happened. At the beginning of counselling I started to speak to my husband, but that only lasted a short time and haven't said anything since. I think I would actually find it easier to talk to someone I don't know that well, than to talk to my husband or a close friend. I so wish that I could be able to talk to people about it. I don't at all want to tell everyone, but it would be nice to be able to tell a couple of close friends and be able to easily chat to them and my husband about it when I want to. Is it possible to get to this stage? Do you think I am finishing counselling too early and if I discussed this with the counsellor I would be able to talk to people?

 

[Kristen.NewCreation]

Do you think you're finished counseling is the big question.

I know that 15 sessions just opened the door for me to work on issues. I would be in trouble if I was finished at this point. But that's me.

What do you think about being finished? I definitely would discuss it with my therapist before being finished.

 

[Grasshopper2000]

I have told my counsellor that I think I am finished. I am fed up with going every week now and I'm starting up a business at the moment and have three small children so so life is really busy so I am struggling to justify spending that time each week with the counsellor.

However, I know that there are issues I still need to discuss. I have told the counsellor that they are not an issue for me anymore, but they are. I just don't want to discuss these things and I don't want anyone to know.

Should it be possible to get to the point where I can talk about what happened with people that I am close to?

 

[Kristen.NewCreation]

As I read your post, I think of how I've felt telling my therapist what has happened. Afraid, overwhelmed, ashamed... those three stand out for me. As hard as it is to talk with her about what happened, I feel I don't have to carry the weight of it all alone. I always have mixed feelings - the part of me that is ashamed and fearful doesn't want to share. The part that wants to heal from this past knows that it's a necessary for me to address it.

Should it be possible to get to the point where I can talk about what happened with people that I am close to?

I think that if you want to talk to those you are close to, then it is possible to get to that point. There's no rule that says you have to talk to someone close, but I think that telling someone else takes away the power of the abuse that happened to us.

It sounds like you want to talk but you don't want to talk. Is that accurate?

 

[Grasshopper2000]

Yes, I desperately want to be able to talk to my husband about it and tell a close friend so I can talk to her. I feel like the only time I can talk about it at the moment is to the counsellor.

My sister in law came round the other day and my husband was telling her how hurt he felt that his dad never showed him affection as a child. I just wanted to scream out 'how do you think I felt, I would have loved it if that was the only issue with my childhood' (sorry, I know that sounds really selfish), but I just sat there i silience as it is a subject I just can't talk about.

I think I am scared to tell anyone and talk about it as I worry what they will think - maybe that I am being really stupid and I worry that they will see and treat me differently. I also find it so hard to talk about it as I just want to block it all out I don't want to be thinking about those memories.

 

[Johnnz]

I think I am scared to tell anyone and talk about it as I worry what they will think - maybe that I am being really stupid and I worry that they will see and treat me differently. I also find it so hard to talk about it as I just want to block it all out I don't want to be thinking about those memories.

This lies behind your inability to talk about your abuse. Blocking out memories is not the best long term solution for abuse, but the prospect of facing them is daunting too. This is where a relationship of real trust, whether counsellor or some other suitably experienced person become very important. It's too much to face alone for most people.

John
NZ