MY TESTIMONY IS LONG BUT I HOPE BY SHARING THIS IT WILL GIVE SOMEONE THE HOPE TO CARRY ON,FOR CHRIST.
I WAS BORN IN NEW YORK IN 1974,MY BIRTH FATHER WAS AN ILLEGAL ALIEN FROM CHINA SMUGGLING DRUGS AND MY BIRTH MOTHER WHO WAS AMERICAN WAS ALSO A DRUG USER/DEALER,IF I WERE BORN IN THE MILLENIUM I WOULD HAVE BEEN CONSIDERED A DRUG ADDICTED BABY, BEFORE I WAS 10 MOS. OLD MY BIRTH MOTHER DIED OF A DRUG OVERDOSE AND MY FATHER WAS SHIPPED BACK TO CHINA AND I WAS LEFT HERE TO BE SHUFFLED AROUND LIKE A DECK OF CARDS IN THE NEW YORK ORPHANAGES AND FOSTER CARE SYSTEM FOR THE FIRST 4 YRS OF MY LIFE,WHILE IN THE FOSTER CARE PROGRAM I CAN REMEMBER AS FAR BACK AS AGE 2 BEING ABUSED.THEN IN 1979 MY MATERNAL GRANDPARENTS GOT CUSTODY OF ME,MY GRANDMOTHER WAS EMOTIONALLY AND VERBALLY ABUSIVE TO ME AND MY GRANDFATHER WAS SEXUALLY ABUSING ME,THIS WENT ON FROM THE TIME I WAS 4 TIL I WAS 9. THEN WHEN I WAS ALMOST 10 MY BIRTHMOTHERS SISTER ADOPTED ME,HER AND HER HUSBAND WERE REALLY GOOD TO ME AND THEN SHE GOT SICK AND MY DAD COULD NOT HANDLE ME AND ANOTHER CHILD TOO SO OF COURSE I WAS SHIPPED T0 YET ANOTHER AUNT WHO'S HUSBAND ALSO SEXUALLY ABUSED ME FROM THE TIME I WAS 10 UNTIL I WAS ALMOST 13.I REMEMBER BEING 10 AND MY COUSIN BEING 6 AND OUR LITTLE FRIEND RUTHIE BEING ABOUT 3 WHEN WE AL GOT OUR FIRST TASTE OF A CONTACT BUZZ FROM POT. SO BY THE TIME I MOVED BACK INTO MY ADOPTED PARENTS HOMES I WAS ALREADY SEXUALLY AND IN A LOT OF OTHER WAYS MATURE, I THEN STARTED A DOWN WARD SPIRAL OF DRUGS SEX PARTYING AND JUST ABUSING MYSELF SPIRITUALLY,I GREW UP IN CHURCH OFF AN ON BUT IT WAS LIKE THIS( A FORM OF GODLINESS BUT DENYING THE POWER OF GOD). I NEVER REALY GOT TO KNOW THE LORD TIL LATER IN MY LIFE,BY NOW I AM 15 AND I AM TELLING GOD I HATE HIM FOR THE LIFE I WAS HANDED AND FOR TAKING MY MOTHER AND FOR LEAVING ME ON THIS EARTH ALONE, MY HEART WAS VERY HARDENED.I WENT DOWN THE ROAD OF DESTRUCTION TI LI WAS 2O, I FINALLY MET A GOOD MAN WHOM I MARRIED, AND I GOT CLEAN AND SOBER ABOUT 3 YRS. INTO OUR MARRIAGE. AFTER WE CELEBRATED OUR 2 ANNIVERSARY I GOT REALLY SICK I FOUND OUT I HAD A SERIOUS BLOOD DISORDER (ITP), I WAS SCARED AND I FELT SO ALONE I DID NOT WANT TO DIE, I WANTED TO LIVE. FINALLY MY DISEASE GOT SO BAD I HAD MY SPLEEN REMOVED AND ON THE OR TABLE I SAW THAT LIGHT THE ONE THEY TELL YOU ABOUT BEFORE YOU MEET THE LORD, I CAME HOME FROM HOSPITAL IN MARCH 1998 AND THE LORD REALLY STARTED TO WORK ON ME THEN, I STOPPED LISTENING TO ROCK AND ROLL MUSIC, I DUMPED THE BOOZE I DROPPED THE DOPE AND REALLY STARTED LISTENING. ON 6/16/1998 I WAS WATCHING PRAISE TV AND THE LORD SPOKE TO MY HEART AND I SAT THERE IN MY LIVING ROOM AND GAVE GOD MY HEART, I WALKED CLOSE TO HIM FOR ABOUT 2 YR, THEN I BACKSLID ON THE LORD AND I WAS IN A REALLY BAD CAR ACCIDENT THAT LEFT ME UNCONCIOUS, NO I WAS DEAD I KNEW IT BUT NO ONE ELSE DID, I LEFT MY BODY I SAW AND HEARD WHAT THE BIBLE DESCRIBES AS SCREAMING AND GNASHING OF TEETH IN HELL, IT SCARED ME TO DEATH I AWOKE AND SAID OKAY GOD YOU GOT ME I AM YOURS ALL YOURS, THEN I WAS TOLD I WOULD NEVER HAVE KIDS GOD MOVED AGAIN IN MY LIFE AND I 2001 BLESSED ME WITH A SON, THEN WE WERE IN THE PROCESS OF ADOPTING A LITTLE GIRL LAST YR AND IT FELL THROUGH AND NEEDLESS TO SAY WE WERE CRUSHED I WAS SO DEVASTATED THAT I TOOK MY EYES OFF THE LORD AND BACKSLID ONCE AGAIN AND I COULD TELL YOU IN 15 MONTHS I ATTENDED 6 SERVICES AT MY CHURCH, BUT ON 10/2/2005 I REDEDICATED MY LIFE COMPLETELY BACK TO GOD, I KNOW NOW THAT EVERYTHING I HAVE IS BECAUSE OF HIM HE IS MY HAPPINESS, WE WERE IN THE PROCESS OF ADOPTING A LITTLE BOY THAT ALSO JUST FELL THROUGH AND IT HAS NOT BEEN EASY BUT I AM AT PEACE BECAUSE I KNOW GOD IS IN CONTROL, I TRULY GAVE IT ALL TO HIM THIS TIME, DURING ALL THESE TRIALS IN MY LIFE GOD WAS THERE HOLDING ME LOVING ME AND CARRYING ME THROUGH IT ALL, I MAY NOT HAVE BEEN ABLE TO SEE IT BUT I KNOW NOW THAT HE WAS THERE NO MATTER HOW MUCH SIN I SANK IN NO MATTER HOW FAR I STRAYED AND NO MATTER HOW HARD I WAS ON MYSELF "I WAS NEVER ALONE" I THANK GOD NOW FOR WHAT I HAVE RATHER THAN WHAT I DO NOT HAVE, I AM STILL NOT ALWAYS WHAT I SHOULD BE BUT I THAK GOD I KNOW A MAN WHO CAN WALK ME THROUGH THE VALLEY OF FORGIVENESS AND RESTORE MY SOUL. IF YOU THINK YOU ARE ALONE YOU ARE NOT I HAD TO LEARN THE HARD WAY. GOD IS ONLY THIS FAR AWAY : ' FROM YOUR HEART TO YOUR LIPS TO GOD'S EARS' LOL MY PASTOR TAUGHT ME THAT. I KNOW I WILL FAIL AGAIN IN LIFE BECAUSE I AM FLESH AND AS LONG AS I BREATHE I WILL FALL SHORT BUT I THANK GOD THAT JESUS' BLOOD COVERED A MULTITUDE OF SINS. THANK YOU ALL FOR READING THIS AND I HOPE THAT IN SOME SMALL WAY YOU ARE TOUCHED BY GOD IN ALL THAT I HAVE SHARED. GOD SPEED AND GOD BLESS, YOUR SISTER IN CHRIST (((hugs))))
I WAS BORN IN NEW YORK IN 1974,MY BIRTH FATHER WAS AN ILLEGAL ALIEN FROM CHINA SMUGGLING DRUGS AND MY BIRTH MOTHER WHO WAS AMERICAN WAS ALSO A DRUG USER/DEALER,IF I WERE BORN IN THE MILLENIUM I WOULD HAVE BEEN CONSIDERED A DRUG ADDICTED BABY, BEFORE I WAS 10 MOS. OLD MY BIRTH MOTHER DIED OF A DRUG OVERDOSE AND MY FATHER WAS SHIPPED BACK TO CHINA AND I WAS LEFT HERE TO BE SHUFFLED AROUND LIKE A DECK OF CARDS IN THE NEW YORK ORPHANAGES AND FOSTER CARE SYSTEM FOR THE FIRST 4 YRS OF MY LIFE,WHILE IN THE FOSTER CARE PROGRAM I CAN REMEMBER AS FAR BACK AS AGE 2 BEING ABUSED.THEN IN 1979 MY MATERNAL GRANDPARENTS GOT CUSTODY OF ME,MY GRANDMOTHER WAS EMOTIONALLY AND VERBALLY ABUSIVE TO ME AND MY GRANDFATHER WAS SEXUALLY ABUSING ME,THIS WENT ON FROM THE TIME I WAS 4 TIL I WAS 9. THEN WHEN I WAS ALMOST 10 MY BIRTHMOTHERS SISTER ADOPTED ME,HER AND HER HUSBAND WERE REALLY GOOD TO ME AND THEN SHE GOT SICK AND MY DAD COULD NOT HANDLE ME AND ANOTHER CHILD TOO SO OF COURSE I WAS SHIPPED T0 YET ANOTHER AUNT WHO'S HUSBAND ALSO SEXUALLY ABUSED ME FROM THE TIME I WAS 10 UNTIL I WAS ALMOST 13.I REMEMBER BEING 10 AND MY COUSIN BEING 6 AND OUR LITTLE FRIEND RUTHIE BEING ABOUT 3 WHEN WE AL GOT OUR FIRST TASTE OF A CONTACT BUZZ FROM POT. SO BY THE TIME I MOVED BACK INTO MY ADOPTED PARENTS HOMES I WAS ALREADY SEXUALLY AND IN A LOT OF OTHER WAYS MATURE, I THEN STARTED A DOWN WARD SPIRAL OF DRUGS SEX PARTYING AND JUST ABUSING MYSELF SPIRITUALLY,I GREW UP IN CHURCH OFF AN ON BUT IT WAS LIKE THIS( A FORM OF GODLINESS BUT DENYING THE POWER OF GOD). I NEVER REALY GOT TO KNOW THE LORD TIL LATER IN MY LIFE,BY NOW I AM 15 AND I AM TELLING GOD I HATE HIM FOR THE LIFE I WAS HANDED AND FOR TAKING MY MOTHER AND FOR LEAVING ME ON THIS EARTH ALONE, MY HEART WAS VERY HARDENED.I WENT DOWN THE ROAD OF DESTRUCTION TI LI WAS 2O, I FINALLY MET A GOOD MAN WHOM I MARRIED, AND I GOT CLEAN AND SOBER ABOUT 3 YRS. INTO OUR MARRIAGE. AFTER WE CELEBRATED OUR 2 ANNIVERSARY I GOT REALLY SICK I FOUND OUT I HAD A SERIOUS BLOOD DISORDER (ITP), I WAS SCARED AND I FELT SO ALONE I DID NOT WANT TO DIE, I WANTED TO LIVE. FINALLY MY DISEASE GOT SO BAD I HAD MY SPLEEN REMOVED AND ON THE OR TABLE I SAW THAT LIGHT THE ONE THEY TELL YOU ABOUT BEFORE YOU MEET THE LORD, I CAME HOME FROM HOSPITAL IN MARCH 1998 AND THE LORD REALLY STARTED TO WORK ON ME THEN, I STOPPED LISTENING TO ROCK AND ROLL MUSIC, I DUMPED THE BOOZE I DROPPED THE DOPE AND REALLY STARTED LISTENING. ON 6/16/1998 I WAS WATCHING PRAISE TV AND THE LORD SPOKE TO MY HEART AND I SAT THERE IN MY LIVING ROOM AND GAVE GOD MY HEART, I WALKED CLOSE TO HIM FOR ABOUT 2 YR, THEN I BACKSLID ON THE LORD AND I WAS IN A REALLY BAD CAR ACCIDENT THAT LEFT ME UNCONCIOUS, NO I WAS DEAD I KNEW IT BUT NO ONE ELSE DID, I LEFT MY BODY I SAW AND HEARD WHAT THE BIBLE DESCRIBES AS SCREAMING AND GNASHING OF TEETH IN HELL, IT SCARED ME TO DEATH I AWOKE AND SAID OKAY GOD YOU GOT ME I AM YOURS ALL YOURS, THEN I WAS TOLD I WOULD NEVER HAVE KIDS GOD MOVED AGAIN IN MY LIFE AND I 2001 BLESSED ME WITH A SON, THEN WE WERE IN THE PROCESS OF ADOPTING A LITTLE GIRL LAST YR AND IT FELL THROUGH AND NEEDLESS TO SAY WE WERE CRUSHED I WAS SO DEVASTATED THAT I TOOK MY EYES OFF THE LORD AND BACKSLID ONCE AGAIN AND I COULD TELL YOU IN 15 MONTHS I ATTENDED 6 SERVICES AT MY CHURCH, BUT ON 10/2/2005 I REDEDICATED MY LIFE COMPLETELY BACK TO GOD, I KNOW NOW THAT EVERYTHING I HAVE IS BECAUSE OF HIM HE IS MY HAPPINESS, WE WERE IN THE PROCESS OF ADOPTING A LITTLE BOY THAT ALSO JUST FELL THROUGH AND IT HAS NOT BEEN EASY BUT I AM AT PEACE BECAUSE I KNOW GOD IS IN CONTROL, I TRULY GAVE IT ALL TO HIM THIS TIME, DURING ALL THESE TRIALS IN MY LIFE GOD WAS THERE HOLDING ME LOVING ME AND CARRYING ME THROUGH IT ALL, I MAY NOT HAVE BEEN ABLE TO SEE IT BUT I KNOW NOW THAT HE WAS THERE NO MATTER HOW MUCH SIN I SANK IN NO MATTER HOW FAR I STRAYED AND NO MATTER HOW HARD I WAS ON MYSELF "I WAS NEVER ALONE" I THANK GOD NOW FOR WHAT I HAVE RATHER THAN WHAT I DO NOT HAVE, I AM STILL NOT ALWAYS WHAT I SHOULD BE BUT I THAK GOD I KNOW A MAN WHO CAN WALK ME THROUGH THE VALLEY OF FORGIVENESS AND RESTORE MY SOUL. IF YOU THINK YOU ARE ALONE YOU ARE NOT I HAD TO LEARN THE HARD WAY. GOD IS ONLY THIS FAR AWAY : ' FROM YOUR HEART TO YOUR LIPS TO GOD'S EARS' LOL MY PASTOR TAUGHT ME THAT. I KNOW I WILL FAIL AGAIN IN LIFE BECAUSE I AM FLESH AND AS LONG AS I BREATHE I WILL FALL SHORT BUT I THANK GOD THAT JESUS' BLOOD COVERED A MULTITUDE OF SINS. THANK YOU ALL FOR READING THIS AND I HOPE THAT IN SOME SMALL WAY YOU ARE TOUCHED BY GOD IN ALL THAT I HAVE SHARED. GOD SPEED AND GOD BLESS, YOUR SISTER IN CHRIST (((hugs))))