I want to move on, but.

[PARCmd]

Hi!

This is really bothering me, so please read the paragraphs below":

DECEMBER 21
I was typing and suddenly a word in my mind (not by me) said "I feel God is not for me, so I rennc* you God". It caught be offguarded, and repeated thrice, so I was not able to cancel the first one, but the second and third ones I was able to cancel. I felt suddenly very guilty, and felt very empty and random thoughts entered my head: like I wish I wasn't born or that I died a little younger so I'd be in Heaven now. After that, several renunciation thoughts appeared in my head, but I didn't canceled them, convinced that I already renounced Christ. I even had pre-empt thoughts but I canceled them - some weren;t (by accident).

DECEMBER 22
I wasn't able to sleep. I was reaching for a book on OCD, then I pre-empted a thought, then forgot to cancel it again.

DECEMBER 23
OK, I didn't had sleep again. I went to Church. While going home, a thought like this again appeared: "I feel God is not for me, so I rennc* you God" - this time, I was able to say a "not".

DECEMBER 24
I was typing in my PC, when suddenly I thought "I rennc God" appeared. I said "not!", but it didn't disappeared in my mind for one whole minute, so I just left it to happen. I received peace and comfort during Christmas Eve - then I felt the urge to say "I irrevocably rennc Christ not". So I thought about it, but forgot the "not", because I was having snowballed thoughts.

I thought about the renunciation thoughts, which were very pressing and urging, but I placed a silent not in my mind (a brief speck of thought, maybe). I'm too concerned that it wasn't canceled..

DECEMBER 25
I was miserable again, during Christmas Party, I felt several renunciation thoughts, so I instead thought of blasphemous thoughts and placed a "not" after it. Stupid mistake - this would only serve to be one of my guilt-laden days. I asked for prayer from my family, and whenever one of my family members prayed, they experienced weird physical pain - which confirms to me that this OCD is a Spiritual Battlefield already, not merely Biological.

DECEMBER 26
I was shopping, I felt several urges to rennc God, what I did, however, was that I did them, and placed a not. LIke, "I'm irrevocably renncing God not", some wheren't canceled anyhow, and I felt miserable again.

This night, I was going home, I felt a strong feeling to rennc God, what I did, I thought about the renunciation thoughts and the word "not". I'm worried that some weren't canceled at all, and hence would be counted against me. So I was pre-empting again, and the sentence got stuck in my mind and repeated itself. I canceled some, and eventually gave up and just said "all of you are canceled. I rebuke you in Jesus Name".

DECEMBER 27
Because of prayer chains, I finally felt the Power of God working through me - OCD thoughts were very subtle anymore and don't take the whole day anymore. I pre-empt the thoughts again and some blasphemies - to my dismay, I'm not able to cancel them. The problem is, I am toying about this renunciation thing (stupid of me) - I was half-asleep and half-awake, and so I thought of these bad thoughts and tried to cancel them - the canceling word took a very long time to materialize. Some weren't canceled at all.

At night, I was toying again with some thoughts, and when I was not able to mind cancel the thoughts, and verbalized the "not". It would be canceled, right? I was reading this book about China's martyrs, and I visualized myself to be there, being martyred, so a thought suddenly appeared "I rennc God". I wasn't able to put a canceling word. It feels like I want it...

NOW.
I was writing this, the word "I rennc GOd" stuck on my mind, so I had to verbally say "not", some weren't. I also experienced thought "I'm repudiating you", then I would have to verbalize a "not!". I don't experience strong OCD spikes anymore, praise God!

EXPERIENCE:
1. I was even shocked when I experienced that feeling when I supposedly wanted to rennc God. Fortunately, I did it with a canceling word, though some haven't been canceled.
2. I never deliberately and willfully blasphemed the Holy Spirit with hatred. Maybe I did because I wanted to shift from renouncing God (I thought this was a lesser thing).
3. Aside from that experience in #1, I never wanted to rennc God. In fact, I love Him and wouldn't even think of doing that.

SOME THOUGHTS:
1. The denial of Peter can also be translated from the Greek words to mean: "deny, disown, renounce". (Consider Peter's Disown)
2. In the Greek language, Hebrews 6:4-5, the word impossible may actually mean: "extremely hard, impossible". The word fall away (parapipto) was used, not apostasy (apostasia) because theoretically a Christian is saved forever, once He accepted Christ. (Consider Prodigal Son parable)



I want to get back on course, back on to normal life, though I feel that God will never forgive me, that He has completely abandoned me, and this has led me to sulk and totally lose hope and interest in life. What do you think about that? I feel that He's so angry at me..

Btw, there are some people who say that renouncing or blaspheming Christ/Holy SPirit is more of being spoken that in the mind. Could you somehow clarify that?

 

[OptimisticSmile]

Blaphesmy is a lifestyle that remains unrepentant to God. To repent means to "change ones mind" . Natural man hates God and lives apart from him. In repentance one changes his mind about God and turns towards him and away from sin. There is nothing that is unforgivable except those thngs that are not covered by the blood of Jesus Christ. We are already condemned without christ, in a sense we all once were blaphemers. Christ blood atones for our blapshemy and we have liberation in him wether we feel it or not.

put another way. man naturally is on the course to commit blaphemy of the holy spirit because the bible says there is none righteous and none that seek after God. When God saves us we are no longer under the condemnation that exists for those who never accept christ. When we turn to him , we are removed from any possibility of comitting blapshemy of the holy spirit. We are sealed with the holy spirit as a deposit garunteeing our inheritance.

remember, there are people who say they will never choose to be saved and they eventually get saved. There are people who outright reject God and go into the occult yet eventually get saved. There are too many examples of people who commited what most of us here would consider Blasphemy of the Holy Spirit but have gone on to be in ministry and to serve God with freedom from condemnation and thoughts that accompany it.

lastly, in the most conservative of senses Bof Holy Spirit is in the context of the religious leaders rejecting Christ when given tangible proof that he was the son of God. If seeing him physicaly performing miracles was not enough to convince them of his truth then nothing else would. Some argue that given this context it is impossible for anyone today to comit this sin. the reason, Jesus is not here physically before us doing miracles to show hisself as the one true messiah. Our seeing Christ is secondary through his word wheras those that comited Bof Holy Spirit saw Christ physicaly before them establishing himself through undeniable proofs.

 

[BigV]

PARCmd, I have just prayed for you. I prayed that the Lord may give you strength and wisdom to stay strong in your trials.

Let me give you some information that may help you. Like you, I have experienced thoughts of cursing Holy Spirit (which I thought were blasphemy).

Afterwards I felt disappointment, pain. Which confirmed to me that in reality, that's not what I wanted to do. And good for me (and you) God knows your heart. I understand that it's not you cursing God, it's your OCD and God is even more aware of your situation.

Now, let me tell you these truths..

1. Contrary to what you hear on TV and in church (most of the time) you are not saved by repenting of all your sins. Note: repentance, when we are talking about salvation, does not mean repent from sins, it means simply to change your mind. Change your mind about what? Change your mind about Christ and about your ability to please God on your own. Repentance that saves us is the MOMENT at which we place our trust in the finished work of Jesus Christ on the cross.

2. Read Ephesians 2 and Romans 4. Paul says that our salvation is a PAST event.

Eph. 2: 4But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, 5made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions—it is by grace you have been saved. 6And God raised us up with Christ and seated us with him in the heavenly realms in Christ Jesus, 7in order that in the coming ages he might show the incomparable riches of his grace, expressed in his kindness to us in Christ Jesus. 8For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— 9not by works, so that no one can boast.

Now, what does 'not by works' mean? It means INDEPENDENT of works.

Romans 4:4Now when a man works, his wages are not credited to him as a gift, but as an obligation. 5However, to the man who does not work but trusts God who justifies the wicked, his faith is credited as righteousness. 6David says the same thing when he speaks of the blessedness of the man to whom God credits righteousness apart from works:
7"Blessed are they
whose transgressions are forgiven,
whose sins are covered.
8Blessed is the man
whose sin the Lord will never count against him."

What does all of that mean? It means that you have been declared righteous the MOMENT you trusted in Jesus Christ, regardless of your works. At that instant you were saved and seated in the heavenly places with Christ Jesus.

It's something that you cannot loose by works or by words or by thoughts or by anything YOU do, because YOU have nothing to do with YOUR salvation. It's all Jesus Christ and His work.

That's the meaning of the word 'GIFT'. You were GIVEN eternal life at the INSTANT you trusted Christ.

How do we know that salvation does not depend on us KEEPING on trusting Christ?

Simple, two verses:

John 4: 13Jesus answered, "Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again, 14but whoever drinks the water I give him will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life."

Now, did Jesus mean "whosoever keeps on drinking the water I give him.."? Of course not, for that would make His water no different from the water at the well. One sip, and you are set for eternity.

Romans 4:9Is this blessedness only for the circumcised, or also for the uncircumcised? We have been saying that Abraham's faith was credited to him as righteousness. 10Under what circumstances was it credited? Was it after he was circumcised, or before? It was not after, but before!

You see? Abraham's salvation did not depend on his future actions, for he was justified regardless of works. That's why God was still with him after Abraham lied (TWICE) about Sarah, after he fathered a child by Sarah's servant, etc...

Same with Moses. Moses is saved even though he did not enter the promise land. Moses was punished for his sin, but he was still saved.

Do you remember Samson? I doubt many would call him saved were it not for Heb. 11, which calls Samson a man of faith.

Now, let me tell you my thoughts on blasphemy (unpardonable sin) of the Holy Spirit.

In the context, Jesus rebukes pharisees that call Him demon-posessed. Now, the problem is not that they were just saying that, the problem was that they refused to trust in Jesus Christ as their Savior. And that's why they could not be pardoned, not in this age, not in the age to come. But they could have chosen to believe in Jesus and at that moment, they would have been forgiven.

As to the passage in Hebrews 6, I believe that genuine believers are in view, but the warning is about them forsaking the Lord and face the consequence (i.e. loss of fellowship, punishment for their sins on this earth, etc..) Salvation cannot be lost, but we can loose rewards in heaven and we can suffer consequences for our sins.

For example, some Christians in Corinth were dying before their time for not thinking about Jesus Christ when they ate at Lord's table. Many were sick as a result of their sins. I believe that's what Hebrew 6 and 11 warns about.

Hope this helps.
In Christ,
V