I want out.

Matt Never Existed · Oct 25, 2005

I'm so tired of this life I'm faking. I've been in a relationship with another guy (21) for almost 2 years now, and I've been drifting farther and farther from God. I can't take it anymore. It feels like I'm the edge of the cliff, and if I don't take a step back, then I'm gonna fall. I don't want to fall..

Could everyone pray that God opens a door for me to come back to his arms? I miss him so much...

beehoney · Oct 26, 2005

Praying for you. The door is always open Matt. I pray that you will receive the courage to walk throught it.

Mr.Cheese · Oct 26, 2005

*says a prayer for his little bro*

Chajara · Oct 26, 2005

Wow, I always looked up to you as a wonderful example of Christ's love. I always loved seeing your posts. PM me or add me to MSN if you need to talk about things. Praying for you

Hadron · Oct 26, 2005

Heavenly father, I lift up Matt to you that you would reveal the father's heart to him -- that you would pick him up, dust him off, and wipe away his tears, as you did with me. Lord, I thank you for being the redeemer of all men... you make all things new!! In Jesus' name, Amen!

KindGuardian · Oct 26, 2005

You probably don't want to hear this: a life of sin seperates you from God. None of us are perfect, but actively seeking a sinfull relationship will hurt your relationship with God. God will accept you at any time because he's wonderfull but, your relationship is probably hurting that. Right now, it will probably come down to a choice. Between God, or your relationships. You can't have both and serve two masters (sin and God). I'll pray for you that you pick the right one, and encourage you to let you know that God will always take you back when you're ready. He's waiting for you, all you have to do is let go of sin and embrace him and he'll take you back into his loving arms.

janny108 · Oct 27, 2005

I think it's a sobering thought to realize ANYONE can fall into a pit, no matter how much they've done for God or how many people look up to him/her. It happened to me and now I'm healed.

In fact, I'm taking a bible study called why godly people do ungodly things. 3 important things for healing and recovery are amputation, accountability and appropriation (in these cases it's a drawing near to Jesus and quit believeing Satan's lies. God wants us all to be free!

Jan

ChristianCenturion · Oct 27, 2005

Hi Matt.
I encourage you to remember that God's outreached hands are not taken out of your grasp as long as you still have breath in you.
Choose this day to return to the father that will run to you - just like in the prodigal son. My decades of struggle with my issues were quickly stopped as soon as I started fleeing from them and running to Him for help in what I couldn't do.

I wish you well Matt, you do exist and God desires what is best for all of us.

he_is_risen!! · Oct 27, 2005

Hey I'm praying. I'm familiar with your situation. I know it's hard, but it has always helped me to know that the Lord forgives regardless. I'm praying for you and I'm here if there's anything that I can do. Sin will never defeat you till you give up.

aric714 · Oct 28, 2005

Penumbra said:
Heavenly father, I lift up Matt to you that you would reveal the father's heart to him -- that you would pick him up, dust him off, and wipe away his tears, as you did with me. Lord, I thank you for being the redeemer of all men... you make all things new!! In Jesus' name, Amen!

Amen! I stand agreed with you. What two on earth agree is done in heaven.

apologia25 · Oct 28, 2005

I will be praying for you but in the meantime please go to Settingcaptivesfree.com and enlist in the door of hope program. it is a 60 day program to take you from the edge of the cliff and place you closely to God. Each day is a torrent of scriptures and questions that help us to see how we think and why we do such things. You have been brave to post here and I will be praying for your bravery in joining the Door of Hope program

headedhome · Oct 29, 2005

Father God I come to you in the name of Jesus Christ, the name above all names. I come to you Father lifting up this young man and asking that you lead him into a close walk with you. Father I ask that you give this young man the strenght and courage to draw close to you. Father I also ask that you open his ears, his eyes, and his heart. I ask this Father that he may hear your voice, see the direction you desire him to walk, and recieve a filling of your Holy Spirit to lead him in all truth. Thank you Father God, to you be the glory, be glorified through, with and in this young mans life.

Matt Never Existed · Oct 30, 2005

Thank you all for your help.. but there's a problem.

Regardless of how much I pray, what programs I learn, who I council with.. I still live with another man. And I can neither kick this person out on the streets, or live on the streets myself. I simply can't afford to leave. I'm stuck in this place, and its driving me crazy.

Thank you all for your prayers and thoughts. I know that God has a reason for all this, and a way for me to get out. I just wish I knew what it was.

ChristianCenturion · Oct 30, 2005

Matt Never Existed said:
Thank you all for your help.. but there's a problem.

Regardless of how much I pray, what programs I learn, who I council with.. I still live with another man. And I can neither kick this person out on the streets, or live on the streets myself. I simply can't afford to leave. I'm stuck in this place, and its driving me crazy.

The churches around you should be there to help. It may take a visit with a few, but I would recommend talking to the Pastor, Minister, Priest or local missions group of a church. I know that it would require opening up and being honest with strangers and perhaps requiring humility, but that IS what we Christians that attend a church are to be doing... helping others.

I know that there have been a few women in an abusive relationship, a few families that have had a financial hardship, some people just getting out of jail, etc. that have gone to the churches in their neighborhood and a family was more than happy to welcome them into their home for a week, month, even a year.

All things are possible through God, He promises a way out and that sometimes we receive not because we ask not - I know these things to be true not because they are cliche, but because He has confirmed them over and over throughout my life. Sure He doesn't promise times of testing to be easy, but they are not impossible with His help.

Please, go ahead and ask for help from those that near and best able to help you Matt. It may seem silly or embarrassing, but the cure for the condition is relatively simple and sometimes "we" (generalized) are the ones that need to get out of the way for God to help us.

Thank you all for your prayers and thoughts. I know that God has a reason for all this, and a way for me to get out. I just wish I knew what it was.

Of course, I wish you well. Please allow someone to welcome you into their home and serve you - it's not a hopeless situation.

he_is_risen!! · Oct 30, 2005

Matt Never Existed said:
Thank you all for your help.. but there's a problem.

Regardless of how much I pray, what programs I learn, who I council with.. I still live with another man. And I can neither kick this person out on the streets, or live on the streets myself. I simply can't afford to leave. I'm stuck in this place, and its driving me crazy.

Thank you all for your prayers and thoughts. I know that God has a reason for all this, and a way for me to get out. I just wish I knew what it was.

I don't know they whole situation, but from my experiance, it's best to cut off all ties to homosexuality even if there are consiquences. I mean, if you have a family member or friend from church you could stay with do that. Granted I still live at home and am still in high school, but if you could just distance yourself from temptation then you've already begun to fight back.

eastcoast_bsc · Oct 30, 2005

Matt Never Existed said:
Thank you all for your help.. but there's a problem.

Regardless of how much I pray, what programs I learn, who I council with.. I still live with another man. And I can neither kick this person out on the streets, or live on the streets myself. I simply can't afford to leave. I'm stuck in this place, and its driving me crazy.

Thank you all for your prayers and thoughts. I know that God has a reason for all this, and a way for me to get out. I just wish I knew what it was.

Hey Matt: You state you cannot put this guy out on the streets or you yourself afford to leave. First I would like to ask you, Do you still Love this guy , meaning is the relationship strong? or are you two together at this point , more out of economic necessity? Just trying to see the situation here a little clearer. Have you family as a safety net? How about a pastor or some other Church based safety net? Also what are you thinking? Do you want out of the physical aspect of the relationship? You need to first examine your feelings and then try to plug into a support system. You could always find a roomate on Craigslist or some such other site. Just some advice. I can definitely emphathize with your situation. Let me know your thoughts regarding , my questions.

KindGuardian · Oct 30, 2005

Question: Is the person you live with Gay? Or are you attracted to him or is he part of your relationship. If he's straight, a christian, and your friend; then he can help you. If you tell him he'll probably want nothing more to help you and save you from pain. If he's your temptation, then you're right; you need to find a way to get out and God will always provide a way out of sin. Maybe if he's gay, and if you tell him that you're a christian and you're trying to change, maybe he'll respect that and help you or he'll want to move out because he wanted a relationship with you and now he knows that you're not seeking a homosexual relationship.

Matt Never Existed · Oct 30, 2005

eastcoast_bsc said:
Hey Matt: You state you cannot put this guy out on the streets or you yourself afford to leave. First I would like to ask you, Do you still Love this guy , meaning is the relationship strong? or are you two together at this point , more out of economic necessity? Just trying to see the situation here a little clearer. Have you family as a safety net? How about a pastor or some other Church based safety net? Also what are you thinking? Do you want out of the physical aspect of the relationship? You need to first examine your feelings and then try to plug into a support system. You could always find a roomate on Craigslist or some such other site. Just some advice. I can definitely emphathize with your situation. Let me know your thoughts regarding , my questions.

Heh.. love. No, I don't love him anymore.. I am attracted to him though. I guess you could say the relationship isn't strong, but its not that we're living together out of economic necessity. My family is there for me, but I can't move back in with them. ( "Once out of the nest, there's no coming back.") I'm trying to find a church now, so no, no church safety net.

I'd like out of the entire relationship/lifestyle for good. Its dragging me away from God, and I'm realizing thats the last thing I want.

eastcoast_bsc · Oct 31, 2005

Matt Never Existed said:
Heh.. love. No, I don't love him anymore.. I am attracted to him though. I guess you could say the relationship isn't strong, but its not that we're living together out of economic necessity. My family is there for me, but I can't move back in with them. ( "Once out of the nest, there's no coming back.") I'm trying to find a church now, so no, no church safety net.

I'd like out of the entire relationship/lifestyle for good. Its dragging me away from God, and I'm realizing thats the last thing I want.

Hey Matt: You answered my question. You stated you wanted out of the relationship and lifestyle for good. So thats what you have to do. I realize it is easier said then done. So now you have to make a plan on how you are going to make this move. Don't necessarily discount the NEST. I am a lot older thenh you and I moved back with my Dad for a season. I lost my job and returned to College, My Mother Died of Ahlzheimers and my brother died of a Drug overdose, all within six months. So my point is, that you Do have to make a move. Have you thought of another roomate? You need to be up front with your ex Lover, but you also need to start making a plan. Discount nothing. Hit it on all fronts, Pray, Plug into a church and explore your living options. I know it is difficult, I know I have been in the "Lifestyle" and I live the disconnect with my feelings and my Moral beliefs. But I can still offer you advice, in accordance with your stated feelings Lata gata

KindGuardian · Nov 4, 2005

Words of the experienced. Once you move out and get away, everything won't be emediately perfect. You may still stumble and fall on the way out. Don't get discouraged if you do. Just remember, you are holly to God and forgiven and he sees you without blame. You sin and ask for forgiveness, it's as if you never sinnned. Not that you can use that for an excuse, but, God will still love and accept you just the same. I remember struggling and falling and feeling so bad after falling, but it helped so much to remember the grace of God and his forgiveness. As humans, it's so hard for us to begin to understand the depth of his forgiveness as we're not so good at the forgiveness thing. Just remember, you may stumble but God will always help you back up.

I want out.

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